15 Years

Yesterday we celebrated 15 years of marriage. I also celebrated 3 years of sobriety.  It was a hard day.  I was much more emotional this year and Jason had more anxiety.  The day before was even harder. I cried a couple of times without any warning. We were both really edgy with each other and I could not get motivated to do anything at my house.  I literally sat on the couch and ate salt water taffy. I can't really explain it.  We didn't plan anything special and didn't get a babysitter or dinner reservations until after lunch.  I took a bunch of pictures like the one above throughout the day, starting with one in our pajamas.  Jason didn't really get it and my sister didn't either.  I like it.  I wanted to show our love for each other without showing the pain of the past that somehow crept up on us this year. 
I didn't announce this anniversary to everyone I know, like I have in the past.  I didn't put it on Facebook and I couldn't talk about it here until it had passed. It needed to be quiet.  We prayed together, emailed people who helped us during the dark time, and received emails/texts from people that knew what day it was.  I am so thankful for the encouraging emails/texts.  It really reminded me the work that God has done in me and Jason and in our marriage.  Thank you to those who helped me get out of a depressive state and into and profoundly grateful one.  Because of Christ's work on the cross, the past stays in the past.  It's not about me or us but about Him.
"This is the secret- that the gospel of Jesus and marriage explain one another. That when God invented marriage, he already had the saving work of Jesus in mind. The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once. The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed that we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us." Tim Keller The Meaning of Marriage

So the picture above, to me, shows us united together in Christ.  In it for the long haul. By the grace of God.