Tuesday, October 26, 2010
1. I have come to the conclusion that as long as I have a dog and kids at home, I will never be able to keep anything nice. My house is one giant playground. For some reason I have a white comforter. No one can remember to keep their shoes off of it. Bogey sleeps any pillow that throws itself off of a couch and makes it smell like dog. Ugh. I give up. Let's just say that if we became one of the increasing robbery statistics in the Ingleside area that the robbers would be sorely disappointed.
2. I have my mother's hands. She has her mother's hands. Sometimes it really freaks me out to look at them because they look EXACTLY like hers. This is not a bad thing. Her hands are fine. It's just strange when you see the DNA in such a strong way. The older I get, the more I become my mom. I was warned of this but did not believe it. Again, not a bad thing. My mom is one tough lady. (Love you Mom!)
3. I have not bought processed snacks in about 6 months. Gushers, fruit roll-ups, Oreos, dipped granola bars, were all part of my WEEKLY grocery store list. I can't do it anymore. I am actually repulsed by processed foods for the most part now. See how extreme I can be? Do my children appreciate my homemade cookies and granola bars every week? I don't know but I have heard them toss around the word "organic" and tell their friends that I make their cookies. At least they are aware. And they do eat more healthy snacks now that the other ones are not available.
4. I love spellcheck. If only you knew what an awful speller I am. I have about ten highlighted "thiers" every week. At least. (This is due to my cheating in school on spelling tests. My friend and I actually learned sign language so we could cheat. It would've been easier to learn the words right? Oh youth!)
5. I have been really thankful lately that God has given me ears to hear. I have been around a lot of people over the last 18 months who have heard exactly the same thing that I have but for some reason it didn't "click" for them. It was certainly nothing I did. I have to give the glory to God for opening my ears and eventually my mind.
6. So, I told my story twice last week to my Sunday School class. Once in SS and then again at a women's coffee. I asked the pastor's wife if she wanted me to edit it for this group and her answer was "Nope. Jesus didn't come to Earth to save the healthy people." So I gave the unedited version to my new church family of women. Just put it all out there. People appreciate honesty. The thing about it is, I now feel like I am cheating God out of his glory if I am unwilling to share what he has done for me. He gave me my life back and I am so excited to tell anyone who will listen about the grace he poured out on me.
7. Along those same lines. I love when people tell me that they read this and how "real" I am. A switch has flipped and I really don't know how to not be real anymore. When you hid for so long and then experience the freedom in honesty it is really hard to go back. If you ask me how I am, you might get more than you bargained for. So if you really don't care how I am, don't ask. I am over fake.
8. The Riverdale Arts Festival was lots of fun this year. I love how I can walk one street over and hear good music and see really good art. My uncle had a booth of his pottery this year and I got to hang out with him and my aunt. They have always been so much fun. Packy and Emory bought quite a few pieces. I love that they each have some local "family" art in their rooms. It was such a beautiful day!
9. Jay and Jason went on the Cub Scout camp out for the second year in a row. Jay really has a good time at this event. He can be wild and run with other boys. He doesn't have to be "on" for anyone. This is when Jason gets to see the real Jay. (I get glimpses every now and then.) I think he tries so hard at school to stay in check that by the time I pick him up he is spent. Add a pesty brother and sister to the mix and throw in some homework and there you have my afternoon. I am so thankful that Jay likes Cub Scouts and that it is something he can do to bond with his Dad. One on one time with him is so rare but so special when you see that true soul shine through.
10. I have the Fall Festival and teacher conferences today. Pray for me. Thank you Hunter Stevenson for reminding me that God promises to give me exactly what I need for today!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
2. A friend asked me how it was going with Jay. I told her we were still having trouble but looking for some help from the school and elsewhere. She responded, "When I ask you about Jay, I don't think that one day you are going to say he's fine and that you fixed him." Whoa. That put it all in perspective. It's a journey. It isn't a one day, one week, or even one year deal, but a journey.
3. I don't want to give you the impression that Jay is not enjoyable. He is. He has moments of extreme kindness and is very affectionate. He is funny and smart. He loves to draw and is very good at it. (I recently bought him a sketch pad and he carries it around everywhere.) He is also really good with Lego's. I do love my biggest boy...sometimes I just need God to remind me. I think it's OK to admit that you have a kid that's hard to love. It doesn't mean you don't, it just doesn't come easy.
4. I cook. Jason cleans and I get the kids ready for bed. The other night I happened to be downstairs when he was about to turn on the dishwasher. I watched him as he spit in the dishwasher before he closed it. Excuse me? He said he does this often. Why? He said it was because he can. Really? Our house is a weird place to live.
5. I am late today because I went on the Pumpkin Patch field trip. Somehow I have tricked myself into thinking that because I stay home that I should drive for every single field trip. I am rethinking this thinking. First of all, my children act clingy and different when I am with them on trips. They don't hang with their friends but instead try to get as close to me as they can. Second, I am just too tired to go on another field trip. I think I have been on four this year including the all day Macon trip. So I am going to learn to say no. I used to be good at saying no but that was because I did not want do anything. Balance. I need balance.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
1. There has been a lot going on in the birdhouse these past couple of weeks.
2. This is my verse for right now (thank you Hunter Stevenson):
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,
Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
I love holding hands. I always have. With my Dad. With Jason. (Not really so much with my friends. Or my sister. Really just not girls. But anyway....) I love the thought of God taking my hand because He knows I need help. I have really needed his help recently to stay above water. And he has provided exactly what I needed.
3. My mom went to the hospital a week ago with chest pain. She has an 80% blockage in an artery and they could not put in a stint. My mom? I expect my dad to have heart problems because all of the men in his family do, but my mom? Nope. Not prepared. Also, not prepared to see her deal with it. My mom is a very strong woman and seeing her in pain and scared is a new place for me. I am blessed that she knows the same God that I do and He is taking her hand right now and telling her "Do not fear. I will help you." Nothing comes in to our lives that catches God by surprise. Nothing.
4. Jason and I went back to my treatment center for a "Homecoming" couple of days. It is a ton of fun because I have a group of girls that I lived with that are all still sober. It makes me so happy to see these girls and how amazing their lives are now. It's like seeing a before and after picture that makes you say "Wow". Jason and I felt more like a resource than the people asking all of the questions this time. It's all about giving back.
5. The sad part about going back is hearing the stories of people who didn't make it. Overdose, suicide, jail, are common when asking the "What about Joe/Sally" question. One boy that I knew and saw a couple of times this summer robbed a bank. Actually, two banks. Good looking, 26 year old boy sitting in jail for armed robbery. ( I never thought I would know an actual bank robber!) It makes me very sad. It also makes me thankful for the people who have found a better way to live, including myself.
6. Still struggling with Jay. It's very hard to have a child that appears to find the negative in most situations. He is emotionally all over the place. Very mad to very sad. Let's just say he was mad that I made a cake. Who gets mad at cake? The good news is I am trying some new resources and working with his school on some action plans. Once again trusting that he is God's child and he is using him to teach me. But it is a really hard lesson.
7. Did you know they have Jesus Calling for kids? I am totally ordering this today. Our bookstore does not have it so don't even bother driving out there.
8. The other stuff I am dealing with? Leaky roof, an army of roaches marching outside my door and sending in thier finest whenever they get the chance, broken air conditioning upstairs (and it's still hot in Macon), broken cell phone (and I don't have a home phone) and Jay broke the window of my sliding mini van door. How? He had a rope with a pouch tied to the end of it and he was throwing it over my car. So far so good. Except he put a steel ball in the pouch. (Did you ever play Shoot the Moon? It was the ball from that. Solid steel.) That's all just stuff. Irritating, but I can deal. I am doing a lot of hooping for sanity.
9. Ready for the good stuff? I have been taking pictures. Still love love love my gym. Loving this pseudo fall weather. Happy I got to hold my new niece, Lauren. Excited that Hattie and Josie will have a new baby sister in February. (I knew it was a girl!)
10. Most of all, thankful for the women in my life. So much wisdom. So much love. Thank you for helping me grow!
He does not stop talking. Ever. But I just kiss him while that motor mouth is still running.