Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Ten on Tuesday

1. So this last week has been super hard.  I never could imagine how hard it is to see someone in such intense pain.  No words.  Holding her hand and crying was all I could do.  I am so encouraged by all of the prayer and support people have been giving her.  I have heard so many people say they woke up in the middle of the night and prayed for her and her family. So many moms hurting for another mom.  People who know and love her and people who have never even heard her name, just the story.  This is the beginning of a long journey of healing.  Don't stop praying for them.
2.  I think I fell into a funk around September 9th.  I started watching the September 11th coverage and just didn't stop.  I cried at every story. From the  children who were in utero when their dads died to the people in NYC watching in horror as people took their own lives because that was the better option.  Suffering is a part of life but when it is so intense and evil it really throws me.  I think basically I have been on the edge of tears for a few weeks.  I don't feel depressed but it is hard to come to grips with pain in this life.  I love when my friend reminds me that this earth is not my home.  I am just visiting.  My home is in eternal glory with my Father.
3.  I also feel guilty that I have been in a funk.  I have never lost anyone super close to me.  I still have 3 out of four grandparents alive and my Papa died when I was 8 so it's been a long time.  I have friends who have lost parents, siblings, and children so where do I get off being in a sad mood, or "off" as Jason likes to put it?  God wants me to be joyful,  but it is a choice.   It helps to be grateful and present in my own life.  I am about seven days ahead right now and all it's doing is causing me anxiety.  Stay in today.
4.  On a lighter note.  The crabs are gone.  We started out with three.  The kids took them to the playroom and I am going to be honest and say that I try not to go up there very often.   When I did go up there I saw the crab box.  One was obviously dead.  I disposed of him and took the other two out for examination.  Somehow they were still alive.  I put them on the counter and started to clean out the cage.  After some Facebook distraction I noticed that one crab was still crawling around on the counter and one was missing.  I noticed his shell was now on the floor, but no body.  At first I thought it was suicide but with no body this could not be the case.  I searched everywhere and could never find a body.  To this day, no body.  He either escaped naked or Bogey had a snack.  The last crab standing was Hiccup and he was more than likely dead when I threw him in the trash.  I didn't do a thorough examination. 
5. The wise in heart accepts commands but a chattering fool comes to ruin. Proverbs 10:8
I have a chattering fool in my house.  She and I are constantly at odds because she can't stop talking.  Back talking.  Bothering her brothers talking.  Talking to hear herself talking. 
6. Emory is in her first school play.  She is enjoying all of the attention.  She is a towns person in Treasure Island. 
7. Sometimes I question everything.  Including this blog.  I don't like for it to be a source of stress but sometimes it is.  I want it to have purpose.  I pray over it and over the people that read it.  When I start comparing my blog to other peoples or try to make it something that it's not is where I get in trouble.  I have never wanted to "promote" my blog.  I have always felt that God will lead the people he wants to read it to the site.  The last two posts by Andrea at The Flourishing Mother and this one by Karen Russell are comforting to me.  I am not the only one who doubts what I am doing. 
8. Emory's Flat Stanley went to the Ralph Lauren fashion show during NYC Fashion Week.  Thanks Uncle Lee.
9.  I have said before that Satan uses guilt to get to me.  I was talking about this in a group the other night and we decided he either uses guilt or fear as one of his main tools to distract us from looking to our Saviour.  If he can't get us by bringing up the past, he puts fear in us about the future.  Either way we should keep our eyes on Jesus.  This quote by Maya Angelou always brings up guilt ever since I heard her say it on Oprah:  "How do you react when your child enters the room? Do your eyes light up?"  I try to think about this in the carpool line.  I actually have missed them during the day.  I can even say that my eyes light up when they get in the car.  It's the part after that.  When they start decompressing from a day at school.  They share their hurts and struggles and often times turn on me or each other.  I was taught that is called sideways emotions.  When you are hurt you act out in anger, and when you are angry you act hurt.  Today, one child was acting hurt and one was acting angry.  Both sideways.  So I try to keep that light in my eyes. 
That is a hard quote to live up to.  Every time they enter the room Maya?  I would hate to see the look on my face sometimes.
10.  I am so grateful that I am in community with other women.  I used to think I didn't need women in my life.  I was wrong.

1 comment:

Andrea@FlourishingMother said...

Payton, I'm so glad you don't have crabs anymore. LOL!
Also, do you really think *Maya*'s eyes lit up everytime her children came into the room? Hmmmnnn.