1. I danced. I went to see the Avett Brothers at Chastain park Friday night. Just Jason and me. I have been to two other concerts since I have been sober but this is the first one that I really felt normal. The first one was a test run so I was nervous the whole time and the second was a Metallica cover band and that was just for Jason. This time was awesome. I loved the music and danced the entire time. Fully absorbed in the music (in a good way) and letting my body do what it wanted to do. I had the best time and did not look around and want anything that was not good for me. Chastain is amazing and it was a beautiful night to be under the stars. Thank you Avett Brothers!
2. So the next morning, September 11th, I flew to New York to go to the U.S. Open with my sister. Flying on September 11th was a little strange but probably the safest day to go to New York. The Open was amazing even though the match we saw was one hour and 5 minutes long. Just being in Ashe stadium, 5 rows behind the baseline, and watching those girls hit the ball so hard was an experience.
3. So guess who else came to the Open with us? Andrea from The Flourishing Mother. I had only met Andrea one time, 8 years ago, when Betsy and Lee got married. It was so fun to see her in "real life" and get to hang out while riding back and forth to the match. (Thanks for the ride Spencer!) She is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside and I felt like we hang out together all the time. So comfortable.
4. The next day we went to church and then Betsy had a drop in brunch so I could meet some of her city friends. Once again I felt like I knew these women and their sweet children. Between blogs, Facebook, and my sister telling me about them I feel like I have a real relationship with them even if it is by proxy. They were all as amazing in real life as I thought they would be. And the kids...they are the cutest bunch of city dwellers. I tried to keep a couple of them.
5. The most special moment of this brunch was the prayer circle that Betsy requested at the end. These women were there to support Betsy when I was gone. They were also part of the body of Christ that prayed for me when I could not pray for myself. When I didn't want to pray for myself. They trusted and believed when I was hopeless and they lifted me up. What an honor to be able to stand, hand in hand, and thank these women who I had never laid eyes on for the prayers they offered up in my behalf and the love they gave my sweet sister. And even more amazing was to thank God for the life that I have now, only because of his grace.
6. Last week I had a lots of "Mommy guilt" concerning Jay, of course. I second guess everything I do with him and constantly wonder if I am screwing him up. I then have to remind myself that God is in control of Jay and his life, not me. A friend advised me on this particular day to find a verse to cling to so I wanted to share it.
Dear friends, now we are children of God,
and what we will be has not yet been made known.
But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.
1 John 3:2
This helped me to refocus on what's important to me about Jay's life. Is it that he is a great baseball player, or makes good grades, or has a lot of friends? No. It's that he love the Lord with all of his heart, soul, and mind. So the when the verse says "what we will be has not yet been made known" it gave me comfort. I don't know the life God has planned for Jay, but I know he has one.
7. I am also thankful for Jason who can bring me back down to Earth. I am extreme. Dramatic and extreme when it comes to my kids. At a practice game last week I was feeling like I made Jay play and that he was going to resent me. I looked at Jason and asked him, "Are we ruining his life?" He looked at me and said, "Are you serious?" I was. I was dead serious. This of course goes back to not trusting God. Jason talked me back down to reality. Jay had a good time playing the game and even though he didn't get a hit, he didn't care. My mind is a scary place to be.
8. My new church is exciting. I have never been a part of a new church but I love the energy that everyone is bringing. The Lord is working in north Macon and I can feel it.
9. Here is another change in my life. Praying for someone and not judging them. It takes practice and I often fail but with my life experiences I have learned you can't know what's really going on inside of a person. How can I judge? A person can present themselves any way they want but the struggles inside are often kept private. So when I am tempted to make a harsh judgement I try to stop and pray for that person. It really makes difficult friendships easier. It's hard to hate people you are lifting up to God.
10. I love New York city. Betsy and I had the best time cruising around the city in her car. Avoiding crazy taxi cab drivers and circling for 30 minutes to find a parking space. The weather was perfect. (Remember what a gorgeous day September 11th was?) I love Hattie and Josie so much. Seeing them in their city jumping in cabs, riding a scooter to the grocery store, and how that is their normal is fun. They are the sweetest girls and 2 days was not long enough!