Ten on Tuesday

How handsome is my NYPD little man?

1.  I don't believe God allows you to go through something without a reason.  Yesterday I had a chance to tell "my story" to a group of people.  Speaking in front of people is not something I like but I knew I wouldn't die so I did it.  How could I not tell the story that God wrote for me?  Everyone has a story.  God has used something in your life to either bring you closer to Him or to drop you to your knees so that you realize all you have left is Him.  And he is everything.  So do you look for ways to share your story with people?  My sister asked me if I talked about God when I told my story.  "He is my story" was my response.

2.  After my talk I had an afternoon where I had to preach to myself.  Do you know that you preach to yourself all the time?  Mine came in the form of self doubt.  Did I say the right thing? I shouldn't have said that.  Did it make sense?  In order to combat these thoughts I had to preach the truth to myself.  God allowed me to use the words he wanted me to use.  I have no power over what I said. I am just an instrument that He can use to get the message of hope that He provides out to people.  He opens the hearts of the people who were listening.  Not me. 

3. It's almost October and that means scary movies are coming out.  I hate scary movies.  I have nightmares from just watching commercials.

4.  After many Member/Guest golf tournaments I have put together a wife survival guide.

The basics are it's expensive and he will be gone. OK, now the specifics.  First, just know that your man will be gone from Thursday at lunch to Saturday late afternoon.  This means the entire time.  Don't count on him to be at home for breakfast or to get the kids ready for school because he will be at the club eating breakfast by 7:30.  As long as you know you aren't going to see him you can hunker down into survival mode.  I like to get Redbox movies for each kid in my house.  A craft is always helpful.  This year I had a man give me come giant cardboard boxes.  I put them in the garage and let them do whatever they wanted to.  They colored them, made doors and windows, put "stuff" from their rooms in them and had a ball. The key is to be prepared.  On the last day is something called a Shoot Out.  This means that just because the tournament is over, your man in not coming home.  He won't be home until the tournament is over for everyone.  Now, if he plays well he might tell you he won.  Don't get excited because most of the time this can be translated into proshop credit.  And believe me, there is nothing you want in that shop.  He might win some money but the tournament costs so much that you just give it back to your club.  The best thing you can do is pretend he is going to be out of town so you don't really expect him to be around and encourage him to kick some butt. Bragging rights are everything. 

5.  Packy is going to Bible Study Fellowship with me.  It's so cool because he learns the same thing I do on a 3 year old level.  My favorite part is that they sing hymns.  His little voice singing Holy, Holy, Holy is the sweetest.

6. Jay quit baseball.  We let him.  This is why and how.  Saturday he had a practice.  Saturday night the coach called.  I did not answer it, of course, because I knew it was the coach.  I let Jason call him back because I can't really process Jay news without becoming a puddle on the floor.  The coach told him Jay had tears in his eyes and when he asked him what was the matter Jay told him he hated baseball and that his parents were making him play.  I think there was some teasing involved from other teammates.  Puddle.  So Jason talks to Jay and gives him two options; 1.  Finish the season.  2.  Call the coach and tell him you don't want to play.  He told him to take a day to pray about it and let him know the next night after dinner.  He decided to call the coach.  Himself.  He thanked him for being his coach (he was a very encouraging coach) and explained that he did not enjoy playing baseball.   I am so proud of him.  And his Dad.  Jason taught him that quitting was not acceptable in most situations but there is always room to regroup when parents make a mistake. 

7.  I am no longer going to force Jay to do something I think he will like.  If he wants to do something, great.  No more forcing.  What I want Jay to know is that he is loved by his family and God.  He doesn't need a trophy or an external achievement to make him happy.  (Remind me to remind this to myself.)

8.  I am officially sick of everything I cook.  If you have a fun website with good, healthy food, please let me know.

9.  I was going to write about parenting regrouping but when I went on The Flourishing Mother today, I found everything I wanted to say in her post, Beginning Again.  Thank you Andrea for your beautiful words.
10.  Tommorow is Jason's birthday.  We have now been together longer than we have been apart.  He is such an amazing man.  Amazing husband.  Amazing dad.  He is patient.  He is kind. He has always made me laugh and always made me feel safe.  Although he has very dry skin, I love him more than I knew I could love.  Happy Birthday Jason!

Ten on Tuesday

I know. I know. 
1.  I know I didn't do it on Tuesday but I had an unexpected root canal.  I went to the dentist at 11am for a crown and was given the news I did not want to hear..."You need a root canal.  I am going to get you in right now since you are already numb."  I guess that's better than sitting around worrying about it.  It still stunk.  That is not really the word I would choose but I refuse to type any word stronger than that.  So, I had a root canal and I survived.
2.  Do you the difference between women doctors and men doctor's waiting rooms?  Women doctors have magazines that are not only the right year but the right month.  I was in magazine heaven yesterday.  For four hours I read every single October issue that is currently available.  Thank you Dr. Lawson and Dr. Lee! 
3.  So we went to Tybee last weekend with some friends and a bunch or our kids.  It was a nice getaway.  Jay finally had some boys to play with.  The people we took had 2 boys and then we picked up 2 local boys that spent a lot of time with us.  Do you know what they had the most fun doing?  Playing on these big plastic tubes that the city was about to use for some kind of road project.  Jay actually said he didn't want to go to the beach because he didn't want to leave the tubes.
4.  Tybee is kind of stuck in a time warp.  I let my kids ride their bikes in the street and play outside without having to keep my eye directly on them.  Such a nice change of pace.  My neighborhood has become thuggy with a lot of home invasions and I never let my people in the front yard without an adult watching.  The crime in Tybee consists of drunks stealing your bikes.
5. This is Emory's writing portfolio at school:

6.  Self control is an issue for my children.  It has always been an issue of mine so I really shouldn't be surprised.  That doesn't mean it makes being a mom any easier.

7.  Along those same lines....my house and car are a big mess.  Someone once told me that the condition of your car is a reflection of your life.  Ugh.  I am going to choose not to believe that.  My car is a mess.  My life is messy but not a mess.

8.  Between Flat Stanley, neighborhood map, fall baseball, Wed. night church, BSF, and all of the other activites going on I feel like I am behind the eight ball.  I have given up hope of "catching up".  One step at a time. 

9.  Parenting children is more exhasting than taking care of a baby and not sleeping.  Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama.  This is my daily life. 

10.  Do you ever ignore the child who doesn't give you trouble because you spend so much time discplining the one that does?  I am trying to enjoy each of my children for thier unique personalities but sometimes I wonder if I even know what's going on.  Finding the balance to love each child with thier love language is hard.  I want to have a close relationship with each of them but when I reflect on the day I so often fail.  Thank you God for new mercies each day.

(See Jay at the top?  He's happy and kinda smiling.  Yes I will type kinda but not bad words.)

Ten on Tuesday

Get ready.  It's gonna be a long one.
1.  I danced.  I went to see the Avett Brothers at Chastain park Friday night.  Just Jason and me.  I have been to two other concerts since I have been sober but this is the first one that I really felt normal.  The first one was a test run so I was nervous the whole time and the second was a Metallica cover band and that was just for Jason.  This time was awesome.  I loved the music and danced the entire time.  Fully absorbed in the music (in a good way) and letting my body do what it wanted to do.  I had the best time and did not look around and want anything that was not good for me.  Chastain is amazing and it was a beautiful night to be under the stars.  Thank you Avett Brothers!
2.  So the next morning, September 11th, I flew to New York to go to the U.S. Open with my sister.  Flying on September 11th was a little strange but probably the safest day to go to New York.  The Open was amazing even though the match we saw was one hour and 5 minutes long.  Just being in Ashe stadium, 5 rows behind the baseline, and watching those girls hit the ball so hard was an experience.
3.  So guess who else came to the Open with us?  Andrea from The Flourishing Mother.  I had only met Andrea one time, 8 years ago, when Betsy and Lee got married.  It was so fun to see her in "real life" and get to hang out while riding back and forth to the match.  (Thanks for the ride Spencer!)  She is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside and I felt like we hang out together all the time.  So comfortable. 
4.  The next day we went to church and then Betsy had a drop in brunch so I could meet some of her city friends.  Once again I felt like I knew these women and their sweet children.  Between blogs, Facebook, and my sister telling me about them I feel like I have a real relationship with them even if it is by proxy.  They were all as amazing in real life as I thought they would be. And the kids...they are the cutest bunch of city dwellers.  I tried to keep a couple of them.
5.  The most special moment of this brunch was the prayer circle that Betsy requested at the end.  These women were there to support Betsy when I was gone.  They were also part of the body of Christ that prayed for me when I could not pray for myself.  When I didn't want to pray for myself.  They trusted and believed when I was hopeless and they lifted me up.  What an honor to be able to stand, hand in hand, and thank these women who I had never laid eyes on for the prayers they offered up in my behalf and the love they gave my sweet sister.  And even more amazing was to thank God for the life that I have now, only because of his grace.
6.  Last week I had a lots of "Mommy guilt" concerning Jay, of course.  I second guess everything I do with him and constantly wonder if I am screwing him up.  I then have to remind myself that God is in control of Jay and his life, not me.  A friend advised me on this particular day to find a verse to cling to so I wanted to share it.

Dear friends, now we are children of God,

and what we will be has not yet been made known.

But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.

1 John 3:2

This helped me to refocus on what's important to me about Jay's life.  Is it that he is a great baseball player, or makes good grades, or has a lot of friends?  No.  It's that he love the Lord with all of his heart, soul, and mind.  So the when the verse says "what we will be has not yet been made known" it gave me comfort.  I don't know the life God has planned for Jay, but I know he has one. 

7.  I am also thankful for Jason who can bring me back down to Earth.  I am extreme.  Dramatic and extreme when it comes to my kids.  At a practice game last week I was feeling like I made Jay play and that he was going to resent me.  I looked at Jason and asked him, "Are we ruining his life?"  He looked at me and said, "Are you serious?"  I was.  I was dead serious.  This of course goes back to not trusting God.  Jason talked me back down to reality.  Jay had a good time playing the game and even though he didn't get a hit, he didn't care.  My mind is a scary place to be.

8.  My new church is exciting.  I have never been a part of  a new church but I love the energy that everyone is bringing.  The Lord is working in north Macon and I can feel it. 

9.  Here is another change in my life.  Praying for someone and not judging them.  It takes practice and I often fail but with my life experiences I have learned you can't know what's really going on inside of a person.  How can I judge?  A person can present themselves any way they want but the struggles inside are often kept private.  So when I am tempted to make a harsh judgement I try to stop and pray for that person.  It really makes difficult friendships easier.  It's hard to hate people you are lifting up to God.

10.  I love New York city.  Betsy and I had the best time cruising around the city in her car.  Avoiding crazy taxi cab drivers and circling for 30 minutes to find a parking space.  The weather was perfect.  (Remember what a gorgeous day September 11th was?)  I love Hattie and Josie so much.  Seeing them in their city jumping in cabs, riding a scooter to the grocery store, and how that is their normal is fun.  They are the sweetest girls and 2 days was not long enough!

Compost Update

Update on Birdhouse Compost Pile.
I recently started letting the children help me with the compost pile.  This meant that they took the food to the container, dumped it, and put the top on.  Not too hard right?  So, today I went and checked on it.  The top was not put back on tightly.  No big deal right? Wrong.  It rained so water poured into the container so now I have soupy compost.  Gross.  Want more?  I started to turn the compost like I learned in my class and guess what started to pour out?  Roaches.  I have a big green box of roach soup in my backyard.  I am dying.  It is my worst nightmare.  I think I have given up on this project.  I did email my "teacher" and this was the response:

Heather-
I just checked on my compost pile. My son did not close the lid and so it got water in it and it is now a big compost soup. That is fine but the roaches are not. Giant roaches started spilling out as soon as I opened it. Is this normal? It is totally grossing me out. I can do bugs but roaches don't count. Help! Do I pour the water out? It stinks, obviously. Thanks for your help.
payton churchwell


Hi Payton,
As far as the water goes, pour out as much as you can (can be used to water plants) and then let it open for a few days to dry up a little in this heat. As for the roaches, sorry, no way to avoid them, but the more you mix up your compost the less likely they will set up camp in your container.
Good luck!


Good luck is right because I'm out.  Done.  Later.

Ten on Tuesday

It may be late but it is still Tuesday.

1.  I missed my 5k race on Monday because I finally got the bug that passed around my entire family.  I got it Sunday and was determined to be well when I woke up on Monday morning.  I got up early, ate my toast, put on my running clothes, and did a test run up the road.  It wasn't going to happen.  Sweaty legs when you are not really hot is not the ideal condition for running.  I refused to take off my shoes until the race actually started and I could admit I was not going.  Then  I got in bed and slept until lunch.  I was very disappointed.
2.  Sometimes I just need a good YouTube video to make me laugh out loud.  It helps. This one helped today.  Thanks Betsy. Auto tune rocks.
3.  Due to my bug, I also missed my first attempt at having some "non" family people come over and eat (even though they are as close to family as they could be without blood).  I planned a Sunday lunch.  I cooked on Saturday and had a big spread all ready.  I cleaned the house and even set the table...with place mats....and cloth napkins with napkin rings.  Napkin rings.  Do you hear me?  This was big for me.  I hated sending that early morning text asking for a rain check. 
4.  I have camera block.  I need to just pick up my camera and take pictures of whatever we are doing.  Life documentation.  It doesn't have to be perfect.
5.  We started Fall Ball.  This is baseball in the fall.  Jay moved up to a new league and once again I have mommy anxiety.  He doesn't love it.  Am I making him do something just to satisfy some urge I have?  I want him to just be him but then I don't seem to be comfortable with who that is.  Being a mom to kids is hard.  Give me a baby any day.  Feed it, change it, love it.  I can do babies.  Kids are what make my heart hurt.  It's hard to give them what's best when you aren't really sure what that is.  Prayer.  Lots of prayer.
6.  Why do the things I am really excited about doing in the morning become a chore by the evening?  I want to read long chapter books to the kids but by bedtime I am out of steam.  I can barely get through one of Packy's books.
7.  When I was sick, Packy came and got in the bed with me.  He is the sweetest little snuggler.  Then he fell asleep and peed all over the bed. 
8.  I have journaled that I would like to try to not eat sweets for 5 days or use the computer for 5 days.  Not the same week.  I don't think I can do either one.  Just the thought makes me want to eat some cake mix.
9.  I am very happy Danielle will not be on another season of Real Housewives of NJ.  She is too crazy.  I also am happy that The Situation and Audrina are going to be on Dancing with the Stars.  I might even watch this season.  Those are the celebrities I like.  D list all the way.
10.  My bed is calling me.  I could live in that thing.  I can actually handle being sick a couple of days because I love my bed so much.  That might be sad but I really don't care.