Maybe Not

According to my editor, the past 2 weeks my blog has been a little too much of my strong opinion.  While she understands it, she feels that if you don't know me (or even if you do) that I may come across as a know it all.  That is the last thing I want.  I want this to be about my journey through my life and the grace that God gives me.  So I am going to take this weeks ten down and try again.

I put it back up (see below), with a few changes.  Thank you for your support and for your sweet comments.

Ten on Tuesday (revisited)

1.  That picture says it all.  If you have one kid or ten there are days where you feel like this.  Like you have been run over by a truck.  I saw alot of moms look like this after the school Fall Festival on Tuesday. Between today (Thursday) and Monday, I have four birthday parties, 2 Halloween parties, a Cub Scout meeting, and a 5K race.  I also just remembered that Pac had an accident the other night and I never changed his sheets.  It dried and he has slept in it for two days.  You can send my Mother of the Year award to my home address.

2.  I have a new trick.  Sometimes, even though I haven't seen the big kids all day, I am worn out from the ride home from school.  They get in the car and it is on.  My new trick is to give them the keys to the house and I just sit in the car.  It's quiet there.  I might read the mail, play on my phone, or just close my eyes and prepare for the afternoon.  Eventually I either hear them screaming or someone comes outside because they need me.  (I think that lady in the picture above got that way by being too needed.  Needed to death.)

3.  I have felt a little extra crazy this past week for many reasons.  One is reason is someone is coming to visit.  If you are a guy who happens to read this blog then you need to know this information.  Every month I have a visitor and before she comes I have some extra crazy days.  This is what you need to know because I know you have either a wife, daughter, or mother.

              *The crazy is real.  It's some kind of hormonal screw up that makes us really sad, angry, tired, and very sensitive.  We aren't faking it.  If we could stop it, we would.  We can't even stop it when we know that's the reason we are crying over nothing or had our feelings hurt by nothing.

               *Your job (if you are a man) is to acknowledge (in your own head) what is happening and then be extra nice.  Just give us some extra love and extra help.  And don't tell us that you know what's going on.  Just don't.  And certainly don't ask that question.  We will hate you.  It will not end well. Don't.

4.  Guess who let me take their pictures?  I am in shock.  Love you big kids.

5.  I am nothing if not obsessive.  I usually get into something and go really hard until I burn out.  Some examples would be Words with Friends on my phone.   Really obsessive for a few weeks and then a quick burnout.  Right now I am so into my Tap Fish  2 fish tanks (I have four now) and this is one of my driveway calming mechanisms.  (By the way, I still sharpen pencils.)

6.  We have been going through each chapter in the book of Matthew during Wednesday night church and 1 Thessalonians on Sunday morning.  Although it's not the main point, I keep hearing about how, as Christians, we are ambassadors for God.  We aren't trying to earn our salvation by doing good things, but because of what Jesus did for us, we are to love the people of this world.  One of the things we talked about is how we live our lives.  Our example.  Does this mean we are perfect?  Absolutely not.  But do we try to live lives honoring our Father? Yes.  I thought about my example.  I know that some of you have told me that you read this blog and know some of my story.  What if you saw me at the Shamrock taking shots at the bar?  Would you still read this or would everything I said suddenly seem very fake?  I can't just talk about my walk with the Lord, I have to live it.  Especially in front of my kids. Thank goodness for amends.  I say "I was wrong", all the time.

7.  Today marks 58 days until Christmas.  Crazy right?  My big kids are not playing with toys anymore, with the exception of Lego's, so I am struggling as to what to tell Santa. I am not an over the top Christmas person.  (Unlike Teresa on RHONJ.  Did you see the reunion?  Tee, what happened to you girl?)  I like to be sensible and thoughtful.  A bunch of presents to open does not necessarily equal happiness.  Emory did say she wanted some rainbow glitter high heels.  Maybe she is my girl.  I will get her some but they will just happen to be in my size, just in case.  (Dear Santa...these would be fun.)

8.  I know why the babies of the family are spoiled.  We can't help it.  When you know how fast they are going to grow, you just try to hold on to every piece of baby you can.  I was always looking forward to the next stage with the older two.  I try to hold Packy back from entering the next stage.  Today I watched him get out of the car and carry his school bag into the building and I teared up.  My tiny baby walking into school by himself.  I hope he is not rotten, but he is for sure spoiled. 

9.  Coldplay has a new album.  Get it.

10.  I say really dumb things all the time.  One on one conversations I can usually handle but I get too nervous during chit chat sometimes.  I come home from events and think about what I said to people and wonder if they think I am a complete idiot.  Or did they even understand what I was trying to say?  My mom admitted that I get this from her.  Of course this is something Betsy and I have made fun of her about for years.  There are a few classic moments that I can think about today and laugh out loud.  In case you were unaware, I am turning into my mother.  As a 37 year old I have come to realize that is a good thing and I just laugh at myself when I think of the dumb things I said in a nervous moment.

Ten on Tuesday

1.  So it's been busy around the birdhouse.  Last week we had Packy going through thumb withdrawal.  We painted the nasty THUM stuff on every finger so that any chance of thumb replacement was eliminated.  It was really sad.  He couldn't sleep and this is my child who loves to sleep. Napping in the car was immediately eliminated.  He was tossing and turning at night and could not position himself to sleep without his thumb being in his face.  He was grumpy and took out his frustration on a kid at school.  We are about 10 days in now and it has gotten better. (He does tell me when he gets in the bed that he's lonely.  I don't know exactly how he is feeling without the comfort of his thumb, but to him it's lonely.  Interesting word huh?)
2.  In case you didn't see on my Facebook, Betsy is famous.

Source: youaremyfave.com via payton on Pinterest

The Tweed Run (read about it on the blog below) was on Saturday (in NYC) and her family was photographed and then put on a fashion blog, Unabashedly Prep.  From there she was reblogged and even pinned.  It's really interesting to watch how fast you can travel on the Internet and the judgements people can make about you just by looking at one picture.  One person felt this way, "This family cannot possibly be happy. They are too well dressed. If those parents spent half as much time tending to their children’s emotional needs as they do dressing them in stylish sweater vests, we wouldn’t have another John and Kate problem on our hands."   Really?  You got all of that from just a picture of a family who dressed up for an event? Whatever angry blogger.  Here's another one from a blog called How to be my Boyfriend and it says, "you must want and love children as much as she does and agree to the weird bohemian names she plans to call them."   That one is actually more on the money. 
3.  Betsy is really really ticked at Tori Spelling for naming her third child Hattie.  I don't know how she will let her know how mad she is,  but she is mad.  How dare she steal her name! Whatever Donna Martin.
4.  I have come up with a new job for myself.  I want to be a bridal registry consultant.  I have been married for almost 15 years now and I look around the house and still see wedding presents.  Some good, some bad.  Some have been gone for years (think navy towels and lots of themed margarita glasses).  Let's face it, twenty somethings, about to get married,  have no idea what they will actually use or what they need.  This is where I come in.  I will take you to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and instead of letting you run wild with the scanner gun I will show you what will help you in your kitchen.  You will not register for crazy colored sheets.  You will get white sheets and white towels.  We will go for quality cook wear and knives.  (We might need to bring in your local Cutco dealer and let him set up a separate registry.)  Don't go to your local boutique and register for a bunch of cutesy stuff that you will be sick of way before your 5th anniversary.  Let me guide you.  (My all time favorite wedding present was a homemade quilt.  It has been on every picnic and snuggles on the couch with you anytime you need it.)
5.  It's Halloween time.  My parents did Halloween when I was really little but then they read a book or went to some conference that told them they were worshipping Satan, so we stopped trick or treating.  We started going to Hallelujah parties where you were only allowed to dress like someone from the Bible. Picture a ton of angels, Marys, and sheppards.  Betsy was the fruit of the Spirit one year.  She wore a leotard and had balloons pinned on her as the fruit.  If only I could find a picture. (For the record, we thought the parties were lame.) I know lots of Christians don't participate and I am totally fine with that.  You get to decide how to raise your children.  I do like how the Joy in this Journey mom puts it here.  And since this is my blog and I can say what I want, I will say that in my adult life I have never met a person who questioned their faith or the faith of their parents based on how they celebrated (or didn't celebrate) Halloween, Christmas, or Easter.  Just sayin'. (On the other hand, Packy and I walked out of Party City because it was way too scary for either of us.  Cute costumes, I like.  Adult scary stuff, I do not.)

6.  Speaking of the Fruit of the Spirit.  I had a painting party this past week.  A local artist felt called by God to help people put scripture on the wall.  She started with one design and asked people on Facebook if they would be interested in learning how to paint and incorporate their favorite verse into the painting.  People said yes and before she knew it she was booked through March.  At my party we painted the fruit of the Spirit on a pear.  I am no artist but with her step by step instructions I was able to make something I really like.

7.  Emotionally this week has been tough.  The children are learning lessons in friendship.  I am also learning lessons in friendship.  I am so happy and feel so blessed to have the people that God has placed in my life.  I had two conversations this week that were tough and that I would have totally handled differently in my past life.  One would have made me mad, and one I would have avoided completely and put distance between me and my friend.  I am trying to teach my kids, especially my daughter, that sometimes you have to make things right by talking, apologizing, and forgiving.  (Tough for kids and adults.) If I can't be honest with my friends and they feel they can't be honest with me, then I am back to having lots of friends and still being lonely.  I would rather walk through the hard conversations to get to the stronger friendship.

8.  I got up early for the first time in a while yesterday.  I read Colossians 3 and wrote in my prayer journal about keeping my eyes on the Lord.  Too bad by 8am that was all out the window and I was a frazzled mess.  I wasn't keeping perspective and I was overwhelmed.  Somehow I said yes to a few "little" things that put all together, made a big bunch of stuff.  So I went to the gym and worked out the anxiety. (And I mean the racing heart, sweaty kind of anxiety.  No pills here.  Just straight up, hard core exercise.  I love my gym.) Then I went to the pumpkin patch. 

9.  Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I try to do everything except the things I am supposed to do.  The past few days that has manifested itself in baking a cake, and playing Fruit Ninja and Tap Fish 2 on my phone.  Fruit Ninja is mindless fun and Tap Fish is something I can obsess over.  Packy wanted to buy this game where you raise and sell fish but it's me who is constantly checking to see if they need to be fed or loved. I am trying to save my fish bucks to buy a new plant for my aquarium.  Sad right?  Just give me a few days and you will be amazed at all the fish I have.

10.  Jason told me yesterday that we really need to figure out how to keep the kids stuff and homework out of the kitchen and den.  Let me get right on that.  Any suggestions?

Ten on Tuesday

1.  Last Tuesday I was in Atlanta.  The treatment center I went to has a program called "revisit" and Jason and I go every October.  It's a chance to recharge our recovery batteries (and I mean our because it's not just me that is in recovery).  For two days I am in process groups, some with current patients and some with alumni.  Jason meets with the spouses group and we do some couples groups.  It's an intense couple of days.  The fun part is that my roommates from treatment all come and we get to catch up.  There are five of us and we have all stayed sober since graduating from treatment.  We stay in touch, but it's fun to get together in person and laugh.  We laugh so hard.  I feel very bonded to these girls.  We all saw each other at our absolute worst, so we rejoice in the progress we see in each other.

2.  It's a weird feeling to pull into the driveway of TRC (Talbott Recovery Campus).  It takes me back to the very first time Jason pulled into that place and what a mess I was.  I really thought they might evaluate me and send me home because I wasn't that bad off.  (A lot of people think this.)  I was wrong and ended up spending 106 days there.  They saved my life.  I am grateful that they offer the revisit program.  Meeting with current patients can be encouraging for them and for me.  It reminds me of where I was and how I do not want to go back. It gives them hope that people do stay sober.  Every year there is a person I knew during my stay that has relapsed and is now a current patient.  I am always grateful that they stayed alive long enough to go back to treatment, and very grateful that I am still sober.  (I know of 3 people who died of addiction during the last 2 weeks.)

3.  We surprised the kids with a trip to Stone Mountain.  Our niece, who lives in Atlanta, had her first birthday party so we had an excuse to be in Atlanta.  We left the party and drove to Stone Mountain.  The sad part was that the kids were so into their video games that they didn't notice where we were until we slowed down to pay to get in.  Stone Mountain has come a long way since I was a kid.  So much to do.  Sadly, we did not get to go on top of the mountain because it was too windy.  (Packy asked me to pray that night that the next time he went to Stone Mountain that it would not be windy.)

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(Emory's reaction when she looked up and saw the Stone Mountain gate.)

4.  I got on the website damnyouautocorrect last night and laughed to the point of hysterically crying. Some of them are totally made up but they still made me laugh.  I tried reading them to Jason but that didn't work.  I just know when my mom first got her iPhone, I got a couple of random texts about robots. (Bad words, you have been warned.)

5.  I have really had a hard time getting up early the past couple of weeks.  Sad to say but I think I am staying up too late watching Bravo.  I hate waking up late.  I feel behind as soon as my feet hit the floor but my love for my bed is very strong.  The main problem is when I get up late I miss my quiet time.  No quiet time equals no peace for me.  Working on getting some peace back.

6.  Remember how Packy decided he was going to quit sucking his thumb and quit on his own?  Well, after a few months he decided he would start back.  When he started back it was worse than before. (This sounds so familiar.)  He used to just do it when he was sleeping and when he started again it was all the time.  I bought the THUM stuff that you paint on their nails but that didn't work.  Then a friend told me that even though the instructions say to paint just the nail that you have to paint the entire thumb AND all of the other fingers because they will substitute.  So we tried that and we have gone 24 hours without any fingers in the mouth.

7.  Tybee makes me laugh.  They love to have a party and they love a parade.  This was the first year that we attended the Pirate Festival.  Now Tybee takes pride in their quirkiness and this festival is perfect for the locals.  I would say that most of them look like pirates in their everyday life and this weekend they just take it one step further.  I have to say that it is fun to walk around saying "Arrrggghhh".  Thank you Mimi!  We had such a good time. (It's also fun to say "booty".  Packy really liked having permission to talk about booty as much as he wanted to.)

8.  I forgot how busy life gets when school starts.  I feel like it starts on Labor Day and fast forwards all the way to New Years.  I am trying to slow my brain down and appreciate this season.  Since we are in a new house it is fun thinking of new ways to decorate and celebrate holidays.  One of the first things I always do when looking at a house is ask, "Where would the Christmas tree go?".  So much to look forward to over the next few months.

9.  I got my camera back out.  I have a love/hate relationship with this camera.  I love it when it takes good pictures but then get so frustrated when I miss shots.  I don't really compare myself to other people in most areas of my life but when it comes to photography, I do.  I get photo envy all the time.  The solution to this is to take more pictures but most of the time I do the opposite.  It is good to take a break every now and then but I am ready to start carrying it all the time again. 

10.  This makes me happy that I got my camera back out.  My little pirate could not take any more and Jason found him on the floor.  Superman PJ's, night nights and his thumb.  Captures him perfectly.