Ten on Tuesday

1.  How can my buddy be 5? 

2.  Packy has been to alot of BIG birthday parties this year so I thought he would want a BIG party too.  I told him he could invite his entire class plus his friends outside of class and we talked about the different places where we could go (which are painfully limitied in Macon in February).  I think it stressed him out a little bit.  He finally said he would just like to go to Burger King (like last year) and just invite his 3 friends from church.  Done.  Thank you Pac for being easy.  (We did breakfast.  Come at 9 in the morning, leave at 10.  Bring your family.)

Friends:

 And siblings.

3.  It is a tradition at our school to post a birthday sign on the fence at the entrance of the school.  (Thank you for my Cricut, Mom.  Even though I don't really scrapbook anymore, it still comes in handy.

4.  Does anyone trust the shout Color Catcher?  Really trust it?  Like red shirt with white clothes trust?

5.  Jason is helping teach a Sunday School class on the book You Can Change.  This past week we discussed the chapter When Do You Struggle?  It was a good discussion about how we grow during times of struggle and how God uses dark times to draw us closer to Him.  Jason asked the question; Do you ever miss a time suffering because you were so close to God at the time?  When things are going good in your life do you forget to spend time with Him?  I have a friend who had breast cancer a few years ago.  When she received her diagnosis she was at peace and actually had joy.  I thought she was insane.  She told me that she when she was in times of suffering, she and her husband drew closer to God and to each other (they had lost a child earlier).  I remember not understanding this at all.  I was mad at God for her.  It wasn't until my own experience that I realized how God uses dark suffering as a time to really love on you.  Really prove that He is your Father and that you are His child.  While I don't wish for suffering, I understand Jason's question. I know the sweetness that comes when you are clinging with all you have to a God that loves.

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  James 1:2-3

6. This made me laugh.

7.  Packy's birthday cake at Burger King.  You might be a redneck if...

8.  Quote by Tim Keller:

When I forget the gospel I become dependant on the smiles and evaluation of others.

Isn't that so good?  Are you looking to others for your value?  If you are constanly looking to people, you will constantly be disappointed. 

9.  My tip of the week: Chew gum while baking.  Gum helps me not cram my mouth full of cookie dough.

10.  Valentine's Day is not my favorite holiday and I expect (and get) nothing.  This year I did cook a fun dinner for our family and did some light decorating.  After desssert we went around the table and said what we love about each member of the family.  I wish I had a picture of Jay's face as he said what he loved about his sister.   (I made these cookies for Emory's class and Jason said they were his new favorite cookie.)

11.  I bit my mouth while chewing gum today and it started bleeding.  I am so my mother.

12.  I am going to watch someone turn 1 on Saturday.  Can you guess who it is?

Ten on Tuesday

1.  Guess who is in a sling due to a broken clavicle?  Her brother fell on her.  Totally an accident.  She is now in a sling for 3 weeks.  Do you think this has slowed her down?  Not one bit.  She is actually dancing, sling and all,  in her school talent show with some of her friends to Let's Hear if For the Boy from the movie Footloose (2011 version, of course.) Let's be honest, she enjoys the attention.
2.  Yesterday I wore jeans and tennis shoes.  I know this is a pretty typical mom outfit, but I watch alot of What Not to Wear, and Stacey and Clinton abhor this look.  I knew I had given up on even trying to put an outfit together.  Now you know I am not a fancy mom and feel perfectly fine wearing my workout clothes all day.  But jeans and tennis shoes are a different story.  It lets me know that I am tired.  (And if this is a look you are not afraid of that is great.  I just have WNTW guilt.)
3. The past few weeks I have been given lots of opportunities to share parts of  my story with different people.  All for very different reasons.  I have said before that I don't think God brings you through hard times in vain.  He shows you his grace and mercy and then you can share how God has worked in your life with other people.  I thought I would be emotionally exhausted, but I'm really not.  I remember one of my friends mentioning before that God doesn't ever ask you to do something without giving you the strength to do it.  He equips us to do what he asks us to do.  It's not our strength, but His.
²⁰ Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, ²¹ equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.  Hebrews 13
4.  Another reason I don't think I am emotionally spent is because I have stayed close to Him.  I have been in His word and in prayer.  I know that I am just a vessel that he is using.  It is nothing of my own power. Nothing I can say can change a person's heart.  That takes the pressure off of me and allows me to really put myself out there.  As long as I am willing to be used, the results are off of me. They are up to God. I can share with someone, pray for and with them, but what they decide to do is completely out of my hands.  This gives me such peace.  If I take on other people's issues as my own, and worry about what decisions they are making, then I am making myself much more powerful than I am, and not trusting God.  He is in control, not me.  I am just trying to be a willing servant.
5. Jason was giving the dog a bath on Sunday.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  We blow dry our dog after a bath because he is a Westie and you just have to.  What was odd was that I saw Jason grab my brush to brush him.  MY BRUSH?  So when I politely asked (yelled), What are you doing with MY brush?  Jason told me he had been using my brush to brush the dog for years. Years.  What???  Then he reassured me that he always cleaned the dogs hair out when he was finished.  Really Jason? Really?
6.  Packy loves all holidays.  Yesterday we bought his class Valentines.  When he got antsy during the big kids homework time I got them out and had him write his name on each one, all 32.  That went faster than I thought it would so I decided to give him his class list and have him write all the names of his friends (not required).  Check.  Finally he got treat bags and put a treat and a card in each bag and sealed them up.  Note to self: give Packy projects to do during homework time.

7.  When we look at a hard situation we often see hopelessness and pain.  God looks at it and sees how he is pouring out grace and mercy.  This thought has been helpful as I have seen people hurting recently. 

8.  Favorite Joyce Meyer quotes of the week (I don't ever watch her but she is one of the 13 people I follow on Twitter.)

* Attitudes don't just happen, they are the products of our choices.

*When we are truly confident and secure, the opinions of others cannot control us.

*Don't judge others.  God likes variety and we've all got our own little brand of "strangeness."

*If you don't get your mind straightened out, you'll never get your life straightened out.  You have to think about what you're thinking about. 

9.  I participated in a webinar last night (which is why this is pushed back 2 days).  It was from Positive Parenting Solutions and I participated through the Do Not Depart website.  The first thing the lady said was that her vision for us was to not even remember the last time we raised our voice at our kids.  I have told you before I am a third generation yeller and I am trying to change that.  The one thing I took away was that our kids have attention baskets that need to be filled every single day.  It does not have to be a big production.  Just 10-15 minutes of one on one.  Easier said than done, right?  Something to strive for.

10.  Jay's new line goes something like this: I've broken a bone.  Just not my own.  While he is not proud of breaking Emory's collar bone, he is enjoying a little of the attention he is receiving for being a part of the process.  Just happy it was an accident.

Ten on Tuesday

1.  Guess who went to her first Father/Daughter dance with her father?  This was actually her third dance but the first two she attended with my Dad, who was so sweet as her stand in.  The first year she missed because Jason was checking me into Talbott Recovery Center.  The second year Jason was having emergency gallbladder surgery.  She was determined that her Dad was taking her this year and she had a blast.  I love how she loves her Dad.  Just like I love my Dad.
2.  Speaking of my Dad, and my Mom, and their dog Tate,  they just got back to town today.  They have been in New York since January 4th.   I didn't want to tell you in case you read this blog and happen to be a burglar. (And yes, they took the dog.  My Dad could not leave his beloved son for a month.) The rented an apartment about a block away from Betsy and lived as New Yorkers.  They walked Hattie to PS166 (her school),  took Josie to her pre-school, and babysat Lolly so Betsy could go to Target.  They ate amazing food and saw some amazing shows. Papa (my Dad) took Tate to the dog park and let him sniff all of the New York City dogs.  They had a great time as New Yorkers and as grandparents of NYC children. I was happy that Betsy had them for a month but I am more happy they are home.
3.

        I told Jason I didn't know how I put the roll on. I don't pay attention, I just put in on.  He said that's even worse and that I am for sure the second one, but probably the third. 

4. 

Jason and Jay went to Space Camp this weekend.  Yes, that Space Camp from the movie.  (I LOVED that movie.  Kelly Preston was amazing. It came out in June 1986.  The Challenger blew up January 28, 1986.)  This was a Scouting trip.  Jay had a blast and learned so much.  They had lots of hands on experiments, IMAX movies, G force simulators (the Gravitron to put it into fair terms), and sleeping in pods.  They were exhausted and stinky when they got home.  (I stayed up late watching Braveheart and then Bridesmaids and ate a ton of Crunch Berries.) 

5.  I've been praying alot lately.  This week I was reminded how powerless I am over people.  You know you can't MAKE someone change their thinking?  You can't MAKE someone look at something the way you see it.  You can't MAKE them take a different path even if you are positive the path they are choosing will cause heartbreak and pain.  The only thing you can do is pray and be available for God to use you.  So that's what I've been doing.  Whenever I feel anxious about a situation I have no control over, I pray and rest in the assurance that God is in control.  Not me, Him. 

6.  Our challenge at the gym for January was to do 100 squats a day (in addition to your workout).  Allowing one skip day that would be 3,000 squats.  I skipped a few days during the vomiting episode at our house so I had to make up the last few days but I did 3,000 squats this month. (Just got our new challenge and it is planking.  Planking is hard and I don't mean the kind that people post pictures of on Facebook That is just dumb.)

7.  Sometimes it is hard to be so rotten.  Right Pac?

8.  I really can not believe tomorrow is the first day of February.  One month closer to Spring.  One month of 2012 already gone.  I like how this year is starting.  The Run to Him study is so good and it's not too late to jump in if you need to get in God's word.  Simple and yet I am learning so much.  This past weeks title was I Cry Out Because He Hears/Psalm 4.  I love that.  He hears because I cry out. I am not required to do anything.  Just cry out.  Thankful that this is my God.

9.  Between Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and this blog I sometimes feel like I have too much out there on the World Wide Web (as my grandfather calls it).  Anyone else feel electronically exposed?

10.   Confession.  I watched the last episode of Kourtney and Kim Take New York.  And the reunion show of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Part 1 (and I will watch parts 2 and 3).  And I like Fashion Police, especially after an awards show.  And, I am super excited about the new season of Bethenny Ever After starting in a few weeks.  I feel better having told you that.

Ten on Tuesday

(This was my Mom's Christmas card in case you weren't on her list.  I am longing for summer and sick of rain so I decided to dig from the summer for pictures.)
1.  Sorry about last week.  I was knee deep in some throw up.  Not mine.  My two youngest were hit with the bug and it was awful.  It's been a long time since I was up all night rubbing backs in the bathroom.  And washing sheets until there are no more and people have to sleep in sleeping bags.  Jason and I make an excellent HAZMAT team.  I take the kid and clean them and he takes everything they left behind. I am physically unable to do that job.  This was a deal we made when we got married.  I don't do throw up or roaches. (I later added rats to that list but thankfully that is in the past.  We moved remember?)  (I really don't understand why the stomach bug takes effect at night?  Why not during the day?)
2.  I will have to say that Packy is the cutest puker.  He sat on his little stool in front of the potty and could not have been any sweeter.  I really wanted to take a picture but I didn't want to leave him.  While I was rubbing his back he said, "Mama, could you just lightly scratch my back instead or rubbing?"  I did.  And then I told him his wife was going to hate me one day.  Totally rotten.
3. Last Saturday afternoon I was looking at my garage that is filled with stuff from the storage unit my parents unloaded.  I was really sick of looking at it.  I came inside and put a notice on Craigslist.  AFTERNOON YARD SALE NOW (2pm)-DARK.  I didn't price anything.  I didn't even wait in the garage.  People came within 30 minutes of posting it. I made $150 and now have less junk in my garage.  Yard sale people can not
turn down a sale.  They have to come and they always find something.
4.  Have you heard about PostalPix?  It's a free app that prints the pictures from your iPhone. All those little pictures trapped.  I haven't used it yet but it looks really cool.  I actually have not printed pictures in way too long.  Like maybe a couple of years.
5.  I have read 3 books this January. (Why do I forget how much I enjoy reading?)  I read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and then I went to see the movie on Sunday (by myself on a dreary day).  Yes, I am one of those people who will say the book is better.  The book is almost always better.  The movie can be as good, but never better.  That said, I can enjoy the movie and appreciate the things that they changed (and maybe feel a little superior because I know the characters in a deeper way). 
6.  Everyone has a story inside them.  I think that's why we enjoy reading and watching movies.  We get to see other people's stories.  Speaker meetings at AA are some of my favorite meetings because I get to hear someone else's story.  God writes our story and I think he puts something inside us that make us want to share it.  Sometimes I feel like I am bursting with story. 
7.  I have heard from so many people that are enjoying the Run to Him study.  It's so good to do a Bible study that involves just the Bible and you studying it, right?  So last week we studied Psalm 1.  One verse really impacted me. 

Blessed is the man

who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or stand in the way of sinners

or sit in the seat of mockers.

Psalm 1:1

Walk, stand, sit.  The progression of sin.  You don't just wake up one day in full on rebellion to God.  You ease in to it.  First you walk around it, then you linger around a little longer, and then you decide to sit down and make it home.  This really made me think about the "little" sins that I might not think are a big deal.  The "pet" sins, to quote my Bible study teacher of many years, Mrs. Cindy.  

Compromise slowly progresses to full on rebellion.

Katie Orr from Do Not Depart blog

8.  Our Sunday School started reading the Tim Chester book, You Can Change.  I like this book because it is set up to be interactive.  You are supposed to pick something specific in your life that you would like to change and work through it as you read.  I am not going to tell you what I picked, at least not today, but this line from the book really stuck out to me.

God can't love you more than he does now, no matter how much you change your life. 

And God won't love you less than he does now, no matter what a mess you make of your life.

'God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

9.  Sooner or later, anything you run from will have to be dealt with.  Joyce Meyer

As a former runner of anything hard or uncomfortable, I know this is so true.  You can stuff and stuff and stuff and then one day you will explode.  Bury it as far as you want, I promise it will come up.  I don't like uncomfortable.  I like comfortable.  But I have learned that walking through the uncomfortable is much easier than trying to push it aside.  It might suck while you are in it, but then it's over.  Stuff it and it's still there. 

10.  Back to the throw up.  While I was lightly scratching Packy's back at 1:30am, I thought, "I should go get my book and read.  Or I should get my phone and check whatever it is I check".  Then I thought I would be present in the moment.  I took a class for 3 weeks on mindfulness as part of my treatment at Talbott.  I thought it was stupid at the time.  Now I practice it as often as I remember to.  So I didn't leave Packy and I was just present.  I wasn't electronically distracted.  I wasn't trying to read someone else's story.  I was just a part of a story.  The Packy and his puke story.  And it was special.  And I am not kidding.  (In case you were wondering, I did help Emory too.  On her night, I rubbed her back but she was more of the puke and go back to sleep kind of girl.) 

11.  I am such a summer girl. 

Ten on Tuesday

1.  I loved last week because of the New Year.  Reflect, review, revive.  But this is the week I really love.  This is the week when everything starts back.  Sunday School, Wednesday night church, small group, my online Bible study.  I love the beginning of a new semester (although not in school, I am still on the semester system of life). New books, notebooks, maybe some new pens.  Starting a new book for Sunday School called You Can Change.  (I love to touch a new book.  This is why I am still Kindle free.)  I am also doing a new Bible study with the Do Not Depart girls called Run to Him.  It is a study of Psalms and fits perfectly with my resolution of chasing after God.  (If you aren't currently in a Bible Study this one is great.  They give you a study guide and each Friday they post a "lesson".  You can do it anytime, anywhere. It starts this Friday. I have already laminated my pocket study guide, in case you were wondering.) 

2.  Last Friday I came really close to one of my biggest dreams.  I went to a birthday party/dance for a 13 year old.  It was everything I could want: a DJ who played fun music, a disco ball, and no alcohol.  The only problem was I couldn't dance.  I was there to take pictures and didn't think the birthday girl would appreciate a late 30's mom really throwing down on the dance floor. Jason even warned me before I left to keep it under control.  So, I tiny danced on the sidelines as I took pictures.  It was such a great people watching opportunity.  12 and 13 year olds come in so many different shapes and sizes.  Most of them were taller than me.  The ones that weren't were mostly boys who were still waiting on that growth spurt to kick in.  Sometimes a camera is a great excuse to stare watch people.

3.  The birthday girl was my very first baby obsession.  My first friend to have a baby who was so stinkin' cute that I could not get enough.  They brought her everywhere (remember when you had one and you actually still went places?) and all I wanted to do was hold her.  Now, she is 13.  And gorgeous.  And very kind to my 8 year old, who thinks she hung the moon. Happy Birthday Ellie!  (That is pure joy on Emory's face.)

4.  I needed some new tires on my wonky van so Jason made a call and sent me to the tire store.  The guy asked me how many I needed and I said 4?  That is four with a question mark.  So I got my tires and came home.  Jason asked me how much it was and I told him. The next question was, how many tires did you get? Four?  Yea.  I was supposed to get two.  My back tires were fine. Two years old but, according to Jason, tires last longer that two years. I am an idiot. 
Jason said that I knew I was only supposed to get the front tires.  He said we talked about it a couple of times. I forgot.

5.  Jay is having trouble sleeping.  It's gotten to the point that now he has anxiety about going to sleep, which makes it impossible to go to sleep.  I have talked to him about all the ways I know to relax in order to sleep. Reading, breathing, praying, singing. (I struggled with sleeping as a child too.)  (My main point being that if you get up 7 times and come into my room to tell me that you can't sleep, you will never sleep.  And neither will I.) I was having my quiet time the other morning and I was following the suggestion of my pastor to read a Psalm each day and meditate on it. So guess what Psalm 4:8 says?

 In peace I will lie down and sleep,

                                                                 for you alone, LORD
                                                                make me dwell in safety.
I read this verse to Jay when he woke up and he got a big smile on his sleepy face.  I told him to copy it onto an index card and it sits, propped up where he can read it, on his bedside table.  Now, he is still having trouble sleeping, but he knows that God cares about his sleep. (His word is living and active. Hebrews 4:12)

6.  Packy was mad one day when I picked him up from school last week.  I asked him what was wrong and he said, in a very serious, stern voice, "Wilson is winning me to grow up.  He is 5 and I am still just 4."  Winning me.  I love that baby and I do not want him to win the growing up race.

7.  This is Pac telling me he is keeping his eye on me.

8.  Have you seen the blog, Marc and Angel Hack Life, Practical Tips for Productive Living?  It's so good.  Simple and in a list form, which you know I love.  My two favorite posts so far are 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself and 28 Ways to Stop Complicating Your Life.  So many times we I make life too hard. 

9.  I have been reading more and watching TV less since the start of the year.  I have a list of books I want to read and the library is so nice to give them to me.  The library is so easy.  I went to Barnes and Noble and found all the books I wanted to read and took a picture of them with my phone.  Then I came home and reserved them at the library.  They call me when it comes in and I go to the desk and pick it up.  For free!  This part is important, especially since I bought new tires that I didn't need. Ugh.

10.  As I reflected on 2011 it really made me smile.  It was a growing year, but in a good way.  I am at peace with most aspects of my life.  Sobriety feels normal. I made amends where I needed to make amends.  I walked through some uncomfortable situations and survived. I don't feel that I am trying to measure up to anyone else's expectations for me.  I am strengthening friendships.  Growing in my faith.  Take responsibility for my own actions.  As I looked back, I noticed that the times that I was most unhappy were the times that I was the most self- focused.  Back in the "it's all about me" thinking.  So as I continue to grow, I pray that I become more and more selfless.  When my eyes are focused on Him and helping others, my life is so much fuller. 

Fun Friday

1.  I love this picture.  Guess who got up early and who we had to wake up?  We make them wait on the stairs so Daddy can check to see if Santa came (AKA make some coffee).

 2. Oldest (90) and youngest.

 3.  Did your MIL make it snow on Christmas?  Mine did.  (Although at the end it started to remind me of the foam party at the Masquerade.)

 4.  Aunt Amanda is the best at make-up.  So glad Emory has someone to give her tips!

 5.  Sweet Lauren.

2. 

Ten on Tuesday

Happy New Year!  This is the Christmas card picture that I took but never made into a card. 
1.  Christmas was so fun.  We had guests!  We have never had company stay with us in our 15 (almost) years of marriage (because I am not counting the people that crashed at our apartment in Atlanta after shows). Betsy and Lee and the girls drove from NYC and my sweet Mom agreed to let them stay with us.  It gave us so much more hanging out time.  More time for the kids to just be together.  And more time for me to hold my sweetest baby Lolly.  (She is so sweet.)  We didn't do anything super exciting or creative.  (I write that because I had a moment of guilt when I saw people on Facebook doing lots of fun things. I talked to myself and decided I wouldn't change a thing.) We were just together. Perfect.
2.  The week before she got here my Mom and I worked really hard on the Birdhouse.  We were getting ready for Christmas Eve at my house.  All of my Mom's side of the family.  This group has not been all together at the same place in a long time.  It was so fun.  We laughed, ate Fresh Air BBQ, opened presents and got to know new babies.  And of course we took a crazy picture.

3.  I tried to remember this Christmas to put relationships before events.  My soul is nourished by spending time with people and if I didn't make it to a party, so be it.  If presents didn't get wrapped until the last minute, so be it.  When I had this attitude, it really helped me to enjoy the time I had with my friends and family.  When you live in your hometown you get to see people that moved away and are home visiting.  I love catching up.  Sometimes I just have to give myself a quick reminder that Publix isn't going anywhere.  Sit down and invest in a real person.
4.  This Christmas my heart broke at different times as I thought about people in my life.  People who would be spending their first Christmas without their spouse, without their parent, without their child.  People who were figuring out how to do Christmas as a single parent or a co-parent.  People who were hoping for forgiveness from family members. People watching part of their family break up and knowing there is nothing they can do to stop it. People who were spending their very first Christmas sober.  It can be so hard.  And then I watched as people in my life were filled with joy.  People that started to mend broken relationships.  My cousin and his girlfriend announced their engagement.  And the most exciting news, I have two friends who have each been wanting a baby for a long time. Each girl got the call that they would receive a baby in 2012.  They are both getting boys.  It makes my heart smile to think that they are going to give a sweet baby boy a life that he would otherwise not have had.  Love you Tarsha and Chandra.  So excited that your families are growing this year.
5.  Today is the last day of vacation.  I took the kids to see We Bought a Zoo.  I cried through the entire thing.  (A few too many curse words for a PG movie in my opinion.) It was so sweet and funny. 

Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, of embarrassing bravery, and something great will come of it.  Benjamin Mee/We Bought A Zoo

6.  I don't make New Year's resolutions.  I used to do it every year.  #1 Quit smoking. #2 Exercise at least 3 times a week.  I quit smoking 2 and a half years ago, and I have been exercising at least 3 times a week for over a year and a half.  With those out of the way I like to see New Year's as a time to clean out the clutter.  House clutter and brain clutter.  Doesn't it feel good to take that tree down, and in our case, burn it? Put all of the decorations, that were fun on December 1st but look tired on December 26th , back in the attic until next year.  I love how clean my house looks right now. I also take some time to reflect and see what I can do better. Where can I improve?  Not a measurable goal, I know.  I don't need those right now.  Just need to know that I am doing better, trying harder, and that is enough for me.
7.  So if I had to say what new thing I want to strive for this year is,  it would be to chase after God.  Reading His word.  Memorizing it.  More prayer.  More of Him and less of me.  To not wait until I have to cry out to Him but keep walking beside Him every day.

8.  And maybe read more, less trash TV, less cookie dough, more kind words, less yelling, get my ten up on Tuesday, keep my car clean? But those probably aren't going to happen. 
9.  Could you not eat her?  So sweet.   

10.  Emory got an early Christmas present this year.  She went to ride horses for a few hours the week before and I think she is in love.

11.  I do love to write 2012. Such a good number. I am an even number person and that 11 was killing me all year.