Life in the Birdhouse

Ten on Tuesday

2012-02-09T12:03:00.001-05:00

1. Guess who is in a sling due to a broken clavicle? Her brother fell on her. Totally an accident. She is now in a sling for 3 weeks. Do you think this has slowed her down? Not one bit. She is actually dancing, sling and all, in her school talent show with some of her friends to Let's Hear if For the Boy from the movie Footloose (2011 version, of course.) Let's be honest, she enjoys the attention.
2. Yesterday I wore jeans and tennis shoes. I know this is a pretty typical mom outfit, but I watch alot of What Not to Wear, and Stacey and Clinton abhor this look. I knew I had given up on even trying to put an outfit together. Now you know I am not a fancy mom and feel perfectly fine wearing my workout clothes all day. But jeans and tennis shoes are a different story. It lets me know that I am tired. (And if this is a look you are not afraid of that is great. I just have WNTW guilt.)
3. The past few weeks I have been given lots of opportunities to share parts of my story with different people. All for very different reasons. I have said before that I don't think God brings you through hard times in vain. He shows you his grace and mercy and then you can share how God has worked in your life with other people. I thought I would be emotionally exhausted, but I'm really not. I remember one of my friends mentioning before that God doesn't ever ask you to do something without giving you the strength to do it. He equips us to do what he asks us to do. It's not our strength, but His.
²⁰ Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, ²¹ equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13
4. Another reason I don't think I am emotionally spent is because I have stayed close to Him. I have been in His word and in prayer. I know that I am just a vessel that he is using. It is nothing of my own power. Nothing I can say can change a person's heart. That takes the pressure off of me and allows me to really put myself out there. As long as I am willing to be used, the results are off of me. They are up to God. I can share with someone, pray for and with them, but what they decide to do is completely out of my hands. This gives me such peace. If I take on other people's issues as my own, and worry about what decisions they are making, then I am making myself much more powerful than I am, and not trusting God. He is in control, not me. I am just trying to be a willing servant.
5. Jason was giving the dog a bath on Sunday. Nothing out of the ordinary. We blow dry our dog after a bath because he is a Westie and you just have to. What was odd was that I saw Jason grab my brush to brush him. MY BRUSH? So when I politely asked (yelled), What are you doing with MY brush? Jason told me he had been using my brush to brush the dog for years. Years. What??? Then he reassured me that he always cleaned the dogs hair out when he was finished. Really Jason? Really?
6. Packy loves all holidays. Yesterday we bought his class Valentines. When he got antsy during the big kids homework time I got them out and had him write his name on each one, all 32. That went faster than I thought it would so I decided to give him his class list and have him write all the names of his friends (not required). Check. Finally he got treat bags and put a treat and a card in each bag and sealed them up. Note to self: give Packy projects to do during homework time.

7. When we look at a hard situation we often see hopelessness and pain. God looks at it and sees how he is pouring out grace and mercy. This thought has been helpful as I have seen people hurting recently.

8. Favorite Joyce Meyer quotes of the week (I don't ever watch her but she is one of the 13 people I follow on Twitter.)

* Attitudes don't just happen, they are the products of our choices.

*When we are truly confident and secure, the opinions of others cannot control us.

*Don't judge others. God likes variety and we've all got our own little brand of "strangeness."

*If you don't get your mind straightened out, you'll never get your life straightened out. You have to think about what you're thinking about.

9. I participated in a webinar last night (which is why this is pushed back 2 days). It was from Positive Parenting Solutions and I participated through the Do Not Depart website. The first thing the lady said was that her vision for us was to not even remember the last time we raised our voice at our kids. I have told you before I am a third generation yeller and I am trying to change that. The one thing I took away was that our kids have attention baskets that need to be filled every single day. It does not have to be a big production. Just 10-15 minutes of one on one. Easier said than done, right? Something to strive for.

10. Jay's new line goes something like this: I've broken a bone. Just not my own. While he is not proud of breaking Emory's collar bone, he is enjoying a little of the attention he is receiving for being a part of the process. Just happy it was an accident.

Ten on Tuesday

2012-01-31T22:25:00.002-05:00

1. Guess who went to her first Father/Daughter dance with her father? This was actually her third dance but the first two she attended with my Dad, who was so sweet as her stand in. The first year she missed because Jason was checking me into Talbott Recovery Center. The second year Jason was having emergency gallbladder surgery. She was determined that her Dad was taking her this year and she had a blast. I love how she loves her Dad. Just like I love my Dad.
2. Speaking of my Dad, and my Mom, and their dog Tate, they just got back to town today. They have been in New York since January 4th. I didn't want to tell you in case you read this blog and happen to be a burglar. (And yes, they took the dog. My Dad could not leave his beloved son for a month.) The rented an apartment about a block away from Betsy and lived as New Yorkers. They walked Hattie to PS166 (her school), took Josie to her pre-school, and babysat Lolly so Betsy could go to Target. They ate amazing food and saw some amazing shows. Papa (my Dad) took Tate to the dog park and let him sniff all of the New York City dogs. They had a great time as New Yorkers and as grandparents of NYC children. I was happy that Betsy had them for a month but I am more happy they are home.
3.

I told Jason I didn't know how I put the roll on. I don't pay attention, I just put in on. He said that's even worse and that I am for sure the second one, but probably the third.

Jason and Jay went to Space Camp this weekend. Yes, that Space Camp from the movie. (I LOVED that movie. Kelly Preston was amazing. It came out in June 1986. The Challenger blew up January 28, 1986.) This was a Scouting trip. Jay had a blast and learned so much. They had lots of hands on experiments, IMAX movies, G force simulators (the Gravitron to put it into fair terms), and sleeping in pods. They were exhausted and stinky when they got home. (I stayed up late watching Braveheart and then Bridesmaids and ate a ton of Crunch Berries.)

5. I've been praying alot lately. This week I was reminded how powerless I am over people. You know you can't MAKE someone change their thinking? You can't MAKE someone look at something the way you see it. You can't MAKE them take a different path even if you are positive the path they are choosing will cause heartbreak and pain. The only thing you can do is pray and be available for God to use you. So that's what I've been doing. Whenever I feel anxious about a situation I have no control over, I pray and rest in the assurance that God is in control. Not me, Him.

6. Our challenge at the gym for January was to do 100 squats a day (in addition to your workout). Allowing one skip day that would be 3,000 squats. I skipped a few days during the vomiting episode at our house so I had to make up the last few days but I did 3,000 squats this month. (Just got our new challenge and it is planking. Planking is hard and I don't mean the kind that people post pictures of on Facebook That is just dumb.)

7. Sometimes it is hard to be so rotten. Right Pac?

8. I really can not believe tomorrow is the first day of February. One month closer to Spring. One month of 2012 already gone. I like how this year is starting. The Run to Him study is so good and it's not too late to jump in if you need to get in God's word. Simple and yet I am learning so much. This past weeks title was I Cry Out Because He Hears/Psalm 4. I love that. He hears because I cry out. I am not required to do anything. Just cry out. Thankful that this is my God.

9. Between Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and this blog I sometimes feel like I have too much out there on the World Wide Web (as my grandfather calls it). Anyone else feel electronically exposed?

10. Confession. I watched the last episode of Kourtney and Kim Take New York. And the reunion show of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Part 1 (and I will watch parts 2 and 3). And I like Fashion Police, especially after an awards show. And, I am super excited about the new season of Bethenny Ever After starting in a few weeks. I feel better having told you that.

Ten on Tuesday

2012-01-24T10:15:00.001-05:00

(This was my Mom's Christmas card in case you weren't on her list. I am longing for summer and sick of rain so I decided to dig from the summer for pictures.)
1. Sorry about last week. I was knee deep in some throw up. Not mine. My two youngest were hit with the bug and it was awful. It's been a long time since I was up all night rubbing backs in the bathroom. And washing sheets until there are no more and people have to sleep in sleeping bags. Jason and I make an excellent HAZMAT team. I take the kid and clean them and he takes everything they left behind. I am physically unable to do that job. This was a deal we made when we got married. I don't do throw up or roaches. (I later added rats to that list but thankfully that is in the past. We moved remember?) (I really don't understand why the stomach bug takes effect at night? Why not during the day?)
2. I will have to say that Packy is the cutest puker. He sat on his little stool in front of the potty and could not have been any sweeter. I really wanted to take a picture but I didn't want to leave him. While I was rubbing his back he said, "Mama, could you just lightly scratch my back instead or rubbing?" I did. And then I told him his wife was going to hate me one day. Totally rotten.
3. Last Saturday afternoon I was looking at my garage that is filled with stuff from the storage unit my parents unloaded. I was really sick of looking at it. I came inside and put a notice on Craigslist. AFTERNOON YARD SALE NOW (2pm)-DARK. I didn't price anything. I didn't even wait in the garage. People came within 30 minutes of posting it. I made $150 and now have less junk in my garage. Yard sale people can not
turn down a sale. They have to come and they always find something.
4. Have you heard about PostalPix? It's a free app that prints the pictures from your iPhone. All those little pictures trapped. I haven't used it yet but it looks really cool. I actually have not printed pictures in way too long. Like maybe a couple of years.
5. I have read 3 books this January. (Why do I forget how much I enjoy reading?) I read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and then I went to see the movie on Sunday (by myself on a dreary day). Yes, I am one of those people who will say the book is better. The book is almost always better. The movie can be as good, but never better. That said, I can enjoy the movie and appreciate the things that they changed (and maybe feel a little superior because I know the characters in a deeper way).
6. Everyone has a story inside them. I think that's why we enjoy reading and watching movies. We get to see other people's stories. Speaker meetings at AA are some of my favorite meetings because I get to hear someone else's story. God writes our story and I think he puts something inside us that make us want to share it. Sometimes I feel like I am bursting with story.
7. I have heard from so many people that are enjoying the Run to Him study. It's so good to do a Bible study that involves just the Bible and you studying it, right? So last week we studied Psalm 1. One verse really impacted me.

Blessed is the man

who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or stand in the way of sinners

or sit in the seat of mockers.

Psalm 1:1

Walk, stand, sit. The progression of sin. You don't just wake up one day in full on rebellion to God. You ease in to it. First you walk around it, then you linger around a little longer, and then you decide to sit down and make it home. This really made me think about the "little" sins that I might not think are a big deal. The "pet" sins, to quote my Bible study teacher of many years, Mrs. Cindy.

Compromise slowly progresses to full on rebellion.

Katie Orr from Do Not Depart blog

8. Our Sunday School started reading the Tim Chester book, You Can Change. I like this book because it is set up to be interactive. You are supposed to pick something specific in your life that you would like to change and work through it as you read. I am not going to tell you what I picked, at least not today, but this line from the book really stuck out to me.

God can't love you more than he does now, no matter how much you change your life.

And God won't love you less than he does now, no matter what a mess you make of your life.

'God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

9. Sooner or later, anything you run from will have to be dealt with. Joyce Meyer

As a former runner of anything hard or uncomfortable, I know this is so true. You can stuff and stuff and stuff and then one day you will explode. Bury it as far as you want, I promise it will come up. I don't like uncomfortable. I like comfortable. But I have learned that walking through the uncomfortable is much easier than trying to push it aside. It might suck while you are in it, but then it's over. Stuff it and it's still there.

10. Back to the throw up. While I was lightly scratching Packy's back at 1:30am, I thought, "I should go get my book and read. Or I should get my phone and check whatever it is I check". Then I thought I would be present in the moment. I took a class for 3 weeks on mindfulness as part of my treatment at Talbott. I thought it was stupid at the time. Now I practice it as often as I remember to. So I didn't leave Packy and I was just present. I wasn't electronically distracted. I wasn't trying to read someone else's story. I was just a part of a story. The Packy and his puke story. And it was special. And I am not kidding. (In case you were wondering, I did help Emory too. On her night, I rubbed her back but she was more of the puke and go back to sleep kind of girl.)

11. I am such a summer girl.

Ten on Tuesday

2012-01-10T15:50:00.003-05:00

1. I loved last week because of the New Year. Reflect, review, revive. But this is the week I really love. This is the week when everything starts back. Sunday School, Wednesday night church, small group, my online Bible study. I love the beginning of a new semester (although not in school, I am still on the semester system of life). New books, notebooks, maybe some new pens. Starting a new book for Sunday School called You Can Change. (I love to touch a new book. This is why I am still Kindle free.) I am also doing a new Bible study with the Do Not Depart girls called Run to Him. It is a study of Psalms and fits perfectly with my resolution of chasing after God. (If you aren't currently in a Bible Study this one is great. They give you a study guide and each Friday they post a "lesson". You can do it anytime, anywhere. It starts this Friday. I have already laminated my pocket study guide, in case you were wondering.)

2. Last Friday I came really close to one of my biggest dreams. I went to a birthday party/dance for a 13 year old. It was everything I could want: a DJ who played fun music, a disco ball, and no alcohol. The only problem was I couldn't dance. I was there to take pictures and didn't think the birthday girl would appreciate a late 30's mom really throwing down on the dance floor. Jason even warned me before I left to keep it under control. So, I tiny danced on the sidelines as I took pictures. It was such a great people watching opportunity. 12 and 13 year olds come in so many different shapes and sizes. Most of them were taller than me. The ones that weren't were mostly boys who were still waiting on that growth spurt to kick in. Sometimes a camera is a great excuse to ~~stare~~ watch people.

3. The birthday girl was my very first baby obsession. My first friend to have a baby who was so stinkin' cute that I could not get enough. They brought her everywhere (remember when you had one and you actually still went places?) and all I wanted to do was hold her. Now, she is 13. And gorgeous. And very kind to my 8 year old, who thinks she hung the moon. Happy Birthday Ellie! (That is pure joy on Emory's face.)

4. I needed some new tires on my wonky van so Jason made a call and sent me to the tire store. The guy asked me how many I needed and I said 4? That is four with a question mark. So I got my tires and came home. Jason asked me how much it was and I told him. The next question was, how many tires did you get? Four? Yea. I was supposed to get two. My back tires were fine. Two years old but, according to Jason, tires last longer that two years. I am an idiot.
Jason said that I knew I was only supposed to get the front tires. He said we talked about it a couple of times. I forgot.

5. Jay is having trouble sleeping. It's gotten to the point that now he has anxiety about going to sleep, which makes it impossible to go to sleep. I have talked to him about all the ways I know to relax in order to sleep. Reading, breathing, praying, singing. (I struggled with sleeping as a child too.) (My main point being that if you get up 7 times and come into my room to tell me that you can't sleep, you will never sleep. And neither will I.) I was having my quiet time the other morning and I was following the suggestion of my pastor to read a Psalm each day and meditate on it. So guess what Psalm 4:8 says?

In peace I will lie down and sleep,

for you alone, LORD
make me dwell in safety.
I read this verse to Jay when he woke up and he got a big smile on his sleepy face. I told him to copy it onto an index card and it sits, propped up where he can read it, on his bedside table. Now, he is still having trouble sleeping, but he knows that God cares about his sleep. (His word is living and active. Hebrews 4:12)

6. Packy was mad one day when I picked him up from school last week. I asked him what was wrong and he said, in a very serious, stern voice, "Wilson is winning me to grow up. He is 5 and I am still just 4." Winning me. I love that baby and I do not want him to win the growing up race.

7. This is Pac telling me he is keeping his eye on me.

8. Have you seen the blog, Marc and Angel Hack Life, Practical Tips for Productive Living? It's so good. Simple and in a list form, which you know I love. My two favorite posts so far are 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself and 28 Ways to Stop Complicating Your Life. So many times we I make life too hard.

9. I have been reading more and watching TV less since the start of the year. I have a list of books I want to read and the library is so nice to give them to me. The library is so easy. I went to Barnes and Noble and found all the books I wanted to read and took a picture of them with my phone. Then I came home and reserved them at the library. They call me when it comes in and I go to the desk and pick it up. For free! This part is important, especially since I bought new tires that I didn't need. Ugh.

10. As I reflected on 2011 it really made me smile. It was a growing year, but in a good way. I am at peace with most aspects of my life. Sobriety feels normal. I made amends where I needed to make amends. I walked through some uncomfortable situations and survived. I don't feel that I am trying to measure up to anyone else's expectations for me. I am strengthening friendships. Growing in my faith. Take responsibility for my own actions. As I looked back, I noticed that the times that I was most unhappy were the times that I was the most self- focused. Back in the "it's all about me" thinking. So as I continue to grow, I pray that I become more and more selfless. When my eyes are focused on Him and helping others, my life is so much fuller.

Fun Friday

2012-01-06T15:39:00.000-05:00

1. I love this picture. Guess who got up early and who we had to wake up? We make them wait on the stairs so Daddy can check to see if Santa came (AKA make some coffee).

2. Oldest (90) and youngest.

3. Did your MIL make it snow on Christmas? Mine did. (Although at the end it started to remind me of the foam party at the Masquerade.)

4. Aunt Amanda is the best at make-up. So glad Emory has someone to give her tips!

5. Sweet Lauren.

Ten on Tuesday

2012-01-03T23:25:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! This is the Christmas card picture that I took but never made into a card.
1. Christmas was so fun. We had guests! We have never had company stay with us in our 15 (almost) years of marriage (because I am not counting the people that crashed at our apartment in Atlanta after shows). Betsy and Lee and the girls drove from NYC and my sweet Mom agreed to let them stay with us. It gave us so much more hanging out time. More time for the kids to just be together. And more time for me to hold my sweetest baby Lolly. (She is so sweet.) We didn't do anything super exciting or creative. (I write that because I had a moment of guilt when I saw people on Facebook doing lots of fun things. I talked to myself and decided I wouldn't change a thing.) We were just together. Perfect.
2. The week before she got here my Mom and I worked really hard on the Birdhouse. We were getting ready for Christmas Eve at my house. All of my Mom's side of the family. This group has not been all together at the same place in a long time. It was so fun. We laughed, ate Fresh Air BBQ, opened presents and got to know new babies. And of course we took a crazy picture.

3. I tried to remember this Christmas to put relationships before events. My soul is nourished by spending time with people and if I didn't make it to a party, so be it. If presents didn't get wrapped until the last minute, so be it. When I had this attitude, it really helped me to enjoy the time I had with my friends and family. When you live in your hometown you get to see people that moved away and are home visiting. I love catching up. Sometimes I just have to give myself a quick reminder that Publix isn't going anywhere. Sit down and invest in a real person.
4. This Christmas my heart broke at different times as I thought about people in my life. People who would be spending their first Christmas without their spouse, without their parent, without their child. People who were figuring out how to do Christmas as a single parent or a co-parent. People who were hoping for forgiveness from family members. People watching part of their family break up and knowing there is nothing they can do to stop it. People who were spending their very first Christmas sober. It can be so hard. And then I watched as people in my life were filled with joy. People that started to mend broken relationships. My cousin and his girlfriend announced their engagement. And the most exciting news, I have two friends who have each been wanting a baby for a long time. Each girl got the call that they would receive a baby in 2012. They are both getting boys. It makes my heart smile to think that they are going to give a sweet baby boy a life that he would otherwise not have had. Love you Tarsha and Chandra. So excited that your families are growing this year.
5. Today is the last day of vacation. I took the kids to see We Bought a Zoo. I cried through the entire thing. (A few too many curse words for a PG movie in my opinion.) It was so sweet and funny.

Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, of embarrassing bravery, and something great will come of it. Benjamin Mee/We Bought A Zoo

6. I don't make New Year's resolutions. I used to do it every year. #1 Quit smoking. #2 Exercise at least 3 times a week. I quit smoking 2 and a half years ago, and I have been exercising at least 3 times a week for over a year and a half. With those out of the way I like to see New Year's as a time to clean out the clutter. House clutter and brain clutter. Doesn't it feel good to take that tree down, and in our case, burn it? Put all of the decorations, that were fun on December 1st but look tired on December 26th , back in the attic until next year. I love how clean my house looks right now. I also take some time to reflect and see what I can do better. Where can I improve? Not a measurable goal, I know. I don't need those right now. Just need to know that I am doing better, trying harder, and that is enough for me.
7. So if I had to say what new thing I want to strive for this year is, it would be to chase after God. Reading His word. Memorizing it. More prayer. More of Him and less of me. To not wait until I have to cry out to Him but keep walking beside Him every day.

8. And maybe read more, less trash TV, less cookie dough, more kind words, less yelling, get my ten up on Tuesday, keep my car clean? But those probably aren't going to happen.
9. Could you not eat her? So sweet.

10. Emory got an early Christmas present this year. She went to ride horses for a few hours the week before and I think she is in love.

11. I do love to write 2012. Such a good number. I am an even number person and that 11 was killing me all year.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-12-15T17:11:00.001-05:00

(Santa Pac. My favorite Christmas decoration. I have a poster size copy framed and I hang it each year.)

1. School program? Check. Church program? Check. Class party for the class that I am the Room Mom of? Check. Presents bought? Check. Christmas picture taken? Check. Office Christmas parties? Check.

2. Sending Christmas cards? Nope. Elf on the Shelf? Nope. Jesse Tree? Nope. Advent Envelopes with 25 days of activities? Nope. 25 Christmas books wrapped and read each night? Nope. Homemade treats for teachers? Nope. Reindeer food individually packaged for everyone in the class? Nope. Advent calendar where you open a window? Not even that.

Now, I am not a hater of any of these things and have done most of them in the past (Not the Elf. That was always too much pressure). Just not this year. I don't know why, but it just didn't happen and I am totally OK with that. And I do have next week to cram in some fun.

3. For about 2 weeks I have been living with some serious anxiety. I wake up and my heart starts pounding. I have just come to terms with the fact that I am always going to have anxiety and, since I am an addict, I am choosing to not medicate it away. Not today or ever. And you know what? I get through it. I pray, exercise, and journal it away. I dance it away. Sometimes I can cry it away. A hot bath helps. An iPod at the grocery store helps. Talking with Jason helps. Sometimes just saying something out loud takes all the power out of it. So, I have anxiety and I am still alive.

4. I made these "Melting Snowman" cookies for Jay's class. They made it all the way to the carpool drop off. Then Jay leaned over to get something and they all slid. Breathe in. Breathe out. I'm sorry Mama. No big deal. Breathe in. Breathe out. (This was a Pinterest project that actually wasn't that hard. I have been burned by a cute Pinterest project many times. 3 hours and nothing to show.)

5. Our church Christmas program was last night. Packy decided there were too many people there and that he would be excusing himself from the role of the Frankincense bearing Wise man. Jason tried to talk to him. Grandmama tried to talk to him. Jay tried. I was the last chance sent in at the last second. I rationalized. I begged. I prayed. And then I bribed. I will take you to the ice cream store and you can get whatever toppings you want. He replied, OK, but I am not going to sing. I am not going to even fake sing. And I am not wearing the hat. And I was good with that. And that is what he did. Just stood there and looked cute while the Wise man next to him was belting out every word at the top of his lungs.

6. Emory sang in a trio. I did not know that she had become a famous country singer (in her own mind) but she rocked it. She put both hands of the microphone and acted like she had been on stage her whole life. Very entertaining.

7. Jay played it totally safe. He sang the songs but made sure he did not have a speaking or acting part. He did just what he was comfortable doing without any problem. It was so good to see him sing and smile.

8. I spent this week spray painting some chairs white. I think white furniture is so clean and pretty. I can take some ugly piece of beat up furniture and once it's white, it's so pretty. Ugly and dirty one minute and clean and white in the next. Remind you of anything?

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

Thankful to be celebrating the birth of my Saviour. The one who took my awful mess of a life, and through his blood, made it white as snow.

9. This is a great list of 12 Things Happy People Do Differently. (Thanks Howard.) It's funny how many of these I learned in rehab. In case you didn't know, in rehab they don't just get you off of drugs, they teach you how to live differently. If you don't change, you go right back to where you left off.

10. I was in the Chick-fil-A drive thru last week, super excited about Christmas miracle (my window started rolling down again), and guess what I saw in front of me? Another mom hanging out the door of her wonky car. I just had to laugh. And then I realized we drive the same car so I had to take a picture.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-12-06T22:09:00.004-05:00

1. It's the most wonderful time of the year. I sing that all the time and mean it about half the time. Singing it can be a tension breaker. Reminds me that whatever I am worrying about is really not a big deal. Like I said, I sing it all the time. (I even sang it to a stressed out mom at the dentist. Just trying to spread the cheer.)

2. After Thanksgiving I was super excited about decorating for Christmas. I got all of the boxes down. We went to our friend's tree lot and picked out a tree. I even put the lights on all by myself and it only took an hour and a half. The kids decorated the tree (pending my approval of ornaments) and then I was spent. Lucky for me, I have an amazing mom. She has simplified her decorating, so when I called for her help she loaded up her truck with Christmas past and came over. Christmas exploded all over my house. I told her to go big and she did. It is super sparkly. Super sparkly is my theme for life. Thank you Mom for making my house look amazing for it's debut Christmas. You are the best.

2. The kids each have a tabletop tree for their room. Somehow we lost Emory's during the move. Mom took her shopping and she got a 4 foot tree instead. She also bought her the new Justin Beiber Christmas album. It's funny. I like most of it but rapping The Little Drummer Boy is too much.

3. Packy was really into decorating his room. After he finished his tree he started taping stuff everywhere. I wasn't really paying attention when he asked me if he could use the snow. I thought it was cotton snow. It wasn't. It was tiny pieces of snow and he "snowed" his room. The good thing about Packy is that he doesn't really like a mess so after about an hour he wanted to clean up the snow. I gave him the vacuum and he took care of it. Everything else stayed.

4. Saturday morning one of our friends called and wanted to know if we would be interested in being in a parade. Um, yes. So the kids and I went to ride on the Beechtree Supply float in the Bolingbroke parade. It was so fun. They threw candy canes and peppermints. Us moms sat in the middle and made sure no one fell off. If you have not ever been in a parade you should put it on your bucket list.

5. Do you know the song Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow? I have always liked it. It came out on her first album in 1993 and by this time I was quite aware that I was a handful. Someone was going to have to be a strong man to put up with my mess. Jason has proven to be strong enough over and over again. He would not let me self destruct during the end of my active addiction, as bad as I tried. He stayed, when leaving may have looked easier. I love this man and he is for sure strong enough. (The only part of the song I don't like is the lie to me part. Don't lie. Rigorous honesty.)

6. I was having my quiet time the other morning and I looked over at the baby Jesus in one of my Nativity scenes. Sometimes the Christmas story seems surreal. That a baby was born and lived a perfect life and then died so that I might have eternal life. A baby. Sometimes I read the Bible and wonder why God designed the world the way He did. (This is the kind of thinking that makes my brain hurt.) I just know that I am amazed at the Christmas story, when I actually think about it.

7. Did you know there is a Jesus Calling for Christmas? You sign up and they send it to you by email. It's really good and helping me stay peaceful. At least until everyone wakes up in my house. You can sign up by going here and look for the Christmas devotional on the side.

8. See the picture above? That was my first attempt at a Christmas card. Why is it so hard? Two of my three were crying. See the anger in that clenched fist? I remember doing the same thing when I was little. Christmas cards did not get taken without screaming and tears. I want to break the cycle. My mom was even at my house trying to calm me and the kids, and reminding me to do it differently. I think Satan shows up when Moms get out their cameras for "the" picture. The sad thing is we might not even send a card. (I did get this one of these two hamming it up.)

9. I called a man to come to my house and sharpen some knives. Guess who came? Packy was so excited. He was thrilled that Santa dropped by to see our Christmas decorations. But he did not want to sit in his lap. (My knives are crazy sharp. Fruit Ninja sharp.)

10. I watched my big kids sing tonight in their Christmas program. So sweet and special. I love Christmas hymns. I even enjoyed the 5th grade band. If children singing Christmas hymns does not get you in the Christmas spirit, nothing will.

11. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less. ~Anna Quindlen (taken from Ann Voskamp's blog)

Another mantra for December. I am such a get it done person. I want to treasure the moments. Create memories by just being with people and not the gifts. Slow down. I am going to try.

12. Thank you to my sweet friends and my "happy".

Sunday Catch Up

2011-12-04T21:11:00.003-05:00

(Attempting to get a family picture for Jason's mom.)

1. Whenever Christmas begins to burden, it's a sign that I've taken on something of the world and not of Christ. Ann Voskamp
That is my mantra for this month.

2. We had a great Thanksgiving. The dark cloud lifted. I took each activity step by step and it was tons of fun. I laughed when I tried to make a ten layer caramel cake (for the first time) and all the layers slid and it resembled a giant stack of pancakes. (I gave the kids each a fork and told them to have at it while I made a two layer replacement.) We went to see Puss in Boots and laughed. (I thwarted some young teens plans to get some kissing in at the movies by blinding them with my phone flashlight and gently reminding them that they were in a G rated movie. That made me laugh.) (I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to anyone who sat near Jason and me during our high school screening of Dances With Wolves. It's about a 3 hour movie.)

3. Keep your mind going in the right direction, and your life will catch up with it. Joyce Meyer

4. I am already working on Tuesday. It can't be that hard right? Right.

5. I would like to give a shout out to my friend Trish. She wins the "I got my Christmas card finished early and had them mailed before you even thought about yours" award. Very nice Miss Trish.

6. So I learned that during dark days I can make it. I just have to keep doing the next right thing. Keep my eyes on the Lord. Even when I don't (wait for it) FEEL like I am in a good place, as long as I keep doing the things I know to do, I will eventually get through it. Better yet, God will see me through it. Reflect on how HE has been faithful in the past and trust HIM for the future.

7. I was wondering why they keep playing Harry Potter movies during Christmas since they aren't Christmas movies. But then I remembered that neither was The Wizard of Oz or The Sound of Music and that's what I watched growing up. (Loving that I finally have a DVR this year. I have a slew of Christmas movies recorded already.)

8. Let's talk about the new Muppet movie. I loved it. Loved. Laughed and cried. Jason and I went with all the kids on Thanksgiving day. I love the movies on Thanksgiving. It reminded me of being a little girl. The Muppet Show was a big deal to me. I hope the rumor that they are bringing back the show is true.

9. Is anyone watching the Oprah Life Class on the OWN network? I have only watched one but I really enjoyed it. Oprah has always given props to moms and it was encouraging to hear her admire my position as a mother. Sometimes you just need to know that people appreciate how hard it is to be a mom. Just a mom. I think I will watch some more and see what I think before giving a glowing recommendation.

10. I'd like to thank all of the Room Moms of all of my kids classes, ever. Being a Room Mom (and yes it is capitalized) is hard. I am way too unorganized for the job but I am doing it. The best I can.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-11-23T22:18:00.000-05:00

I actually wrote most of my post on Tuesday. I was going to tell you how I was being followed by a black cloud. How I was fighting for joy, despite doing the things that keep me emotionally, spiritually, and physically balanced. How I have a stye in my eye, a rash on my neck, and an iPhone that is shattered because Packy tripped and slammed it on a rock. I was going to tell you how I threw a hissy fit at my kids (complete with kicking a wall) and told them I hope Santa brings them nothing for Christmas and the guilt that followed. Then I was going to tell you that I took Packy to Build-a-Bear Workshop to buy his prize for quitting sucking his thumb and how much he loves the dog he bought. And then how I busted him sucking his thumb a couple of days later and that he confessed, "I've been sucking it the whole time." On and on went my woes. Jason was concerned. My mom was concerned. But this morning something happened. I started tearing up. Flooded with emotion. And I realized that when Justin Beiber singing Christmas songs makes me this emotional, hormones are probably to blame.

So why don't I just tell you what I am grateful for.

1. My family. I have an amazing husband. He continues to be a rock for me and an awesome dad to our kids. My kids are continuing their duty as tiny sanctifiers in my life. Ever reminding me how selfish and powerless I am. They push me to my breaking point, which leads to prayer (most of the time). But when they get along and enjoy each other it gives me the most happiness. I also have an awesome mom, dad, and sister. They have taught me unconditional love and make me laugh so hard. (I could go on and on about each one of them but I can't make this too sappy.) I also have an awesome "by marriage" family and I love them too.

2. My church. Our pastor came to see Packy and 2 other children from our church in their 4k Thanksgiving program. We didn't know he was coming. It meant the world to those littlest sheep in his flock. I love the community that is forming with old members and new members. How the moms a few years ahead of me are such an amazing and encouraging resource. How it is starting to feel like family.

3. My gym. I know you might think I am weird about my gym but it is really like a family(sometimes complete with sibling-like irritation). I spend alot of time with these people and really care about them. Tonight we went to a college basketball game together. One of our members is an assistant coach and he fed us dinner and supplied us with tickets. It was alot of fun and I don't know of any other gyms that have this same kind of atmosphere. It just feels like family.

4. My AA family. All kinds of people, from all different walks of life. Loving, encouraging, supportive. They listen to me laugh and more often listen to me cry, like a baby, and I never have tissues. Someone else always does. Again, like family. I love you all.

5. I am a blessed girl. I love my new birdhouse (and if you send me a Christmas card, I have a new address). I love our kid's school. I love fall trees. I love my life. Everything about it, right down to my wonky car.

Happy Thanksgiving!

love payton.

Fun Friday

2011-11-11T12:59:00.003-05:00

Here are few things that are making me happy today.
1. Packy scored his first goal yesterday and this is how he felt:

2. Downy Unstopables. They make our clothes smell so good.

3. This video that makes me laugh.

4. Packy is on a Thanksgiving tear. I have these turkey hands taped all over my house.

5. Someone is quite the actress in our house. She did an awesome job in her class play.

6. Christmas miracles. Guess whose window decided to start rolling down again? Yea!

7. And this video. I think the video is funny but my dad imitating the video is even funnier. I don't have a video of my dad, so I laugh thinking about him when I watch this.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-11-09T15:52:00.001-05:00

1. Guess who is playing soccer? He is so excited. This is his first activity. He has sat through countless hours of gymnastics, karate, baseball, and other activities his siblings were participating in and now it's his turn. He is really excited about having some "equipment" and a uniform. His first game was yesterday and he did alot of running and jumping around and some actual kicking.

2. Packy is in the second phase of "Operation Quit Thumb Sucking". He is now going to sleep without the THUM painted on his fingers. The prize for quitting for an extended period of time is a trip to Build a Bear Workshop so he is working really hard and doing a great job. He wants to get a stuffed spider. I doubt they have those.

3. Yesterday I walked through the high school area of the campus of our school. Teenagers everywhere. I had on sunglasses so I could stare at them. Teenager years are tough. I struggled with who I was in high school. My desire for Christ and Christian friends was in a constant struggle with my desire to party and fit in with the cool kids. The result was feeling like I didn't belong in any group. Guilt when I was partying, and fake when I was at youth group. Today I feel like I belong. I have a sense of community with the people in my life. I belong at my church, at our school, at the gym. This sense of belonging comes from putting my security in Christ. When I am secure in belonging to Him, then I feel the freedom to be myself, and then I can put my authentic self out there in the world. If I am trying to please other people first I am never going to measure up. Putting your security in Christ is extremely freeing and something I pray often for, for my kids.

4. We sold our candy to the dentist. I was estimating that each kid had about 2 or 3 pounds at the most. I even told them I would match whatever they got. Imagine my surprise when each bag weighed in at 7 pounds. Fourteen pounds of candy!!! That is way too much candy. They have not missed the candy at all and have not bothered the one who kept his. The cool thing was that they had veterans there and we got to sign cards that they send with the candy to the troops. Thank you Operation Gratitude! (And they gave us light up toothbrushes. Score.)

5. Macon is gorgeous right now. I love Fall and the colorful leaves. Just gorgeous colors. I ride around and point out different trees to my kids. Did I mention that I am becoming my mother?

6. Jason and I have never lived in a house with a working fireplace, until now. I love everything about a fireplace. The sight, the sound, and the smell. It's so peaceful. Just another reason I know God saved this house just for us. He does care about the details of our lives and gives us the desires of our hearts even when we deserve nothing. Overwhelming gratitude.

7. Yesterday, I heard two different people, in two very different situations, talk about not being ruled by your emotions. That you should act on faith and not on feelings. Feelings can often lead you down the wrong path. Feelings can trick you. Robert J. Morgan says in The Red Sea Rules, " Don't trust your emotions, and never be controlled by them. We're to walk by faith, not by feelings. Sometimes we must choose an attitude that's contrary to the way we feel." That can be really hard. Especially when I feel like someone has wronged me. Or when I feel that I deserve something. God does not change. When I feel like He isn't handling something I can look to the Bible and remind myself of who He is. By hanging on to His unchanging characteristics I can live without being ruled by my everchanging emotions.

8. Did you know that the Keebler elves have hijacked the Girl Scouts Samoa's recipe? They are called Coconut Dreams and they are pretty darn close to the original. I made these from scratch one time and it was over a two hour process. Good but very labor intensive.These will work just fine for me.

9. Going along with #7 is to look to see how God has been faithful in the past and applying that to my current situation. I can remember so many times I thought I was in a hole I could never get out of. How many times I gave up on helping Jay. How many times I just quit trying. God took care of every situation. Why would He decide to leave me high and dry this time? Now this doesn't mean He is going to do what I want. It just means He is in control. Not me. He is faithful to me.

10. Look at that footwork.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-11-01T21:44:00.003-04:00

1. I feel great today. Jason took the kids to school and I got back in the bed (I did make them breakfast)and slept. Then I had a massage. Last week I was anxious about my crazy weekend and wondering how I was going to feel post-Halloween. I knew I would be exhausted so I booked a massage and it gave me something to look forward to. It was a brilliant plan if I do say so myself.
2. We got home late from a Halloween party last night and Emory had a break down. She asked me, in a nonchalant way, if I would email her teacher and let her know she was going to be late for school because she needed to sleep in. Excuse me? No. But my friends do it all the time. Really? No. It was when Jason and I started laughing at her request that the screaming started. She was asleep about 8 minutes later. Too much candy, too much fun.
3. I have had to eat Tums for the past four nights. I can't stop eating candy and it's making my stomach ache. Sad right? Moderation has never been my thing. Fortunately for me, I showed my kids the Operation Gratitude video and explained how dentists will buy back their Halloween candy and they want to do it. (I think you get a dollar per pound and they send it to the troops.) Well, two of them want to do it. I am so excited. This candy has got to get out of my house.The one who has his dad's hoarding tendencies is keeping every bit of his.
4. Last week we had some lying happening in the birdhouse. Lying is something that is not tolerated here. If you get busted lying you are in ginormous trouble. One person lied to get out of perceived trouble. The other lied to impress a friend. I probably let too much slide around my house but not this. I lived a lying life too long and started at a young age. The road that starts off lying never ends well. It was a good teaching moment. The one who lied to get out of trouble had to look up a bunch of verses that speak to how God feels about being deceitful, write them down, and then explain to me God's feelings about lies. The other thing I emphasized was that the trouble you get in for lying is always worse than whatever you were trying to cover up with the lie.
5. The person who lied to impress a friend had to discuss how to live an authentic life with me. If you lie about who you are, then you are not happy with who God made. As a person who tried to be so many different people for a long time, I know the freedom that comes from just being who you are. People don't like fake. I don't know if men play this game, but I know women do. It's hard to be what you think people want you to be. Peace comes from accepting who God made you to be and trusting Him for your security, not other people.
6. My go to line is, "Hold on". I say it all the time to each person in my family.
7. I'm just going to put it out there that, for the most part, I don't like field trips. I feel no guilt or shame. My kids act weird and I have to make small talk which results in me saying some stupid stuff. I think one a year for each kid is plenty and I have already been on 2, technically.

8. Even if you hate Facebook, you have to admit that the day after Halloween is the best day to look at it.
9. I survived my weekend by taking it one event at a time. I knew that I would get nothing done at the house and that was going to have to be OK. I really tried to be present and in the moment for each event and I really had a good time. I got to catch up with family and friends and eat lots of candy. I think if I had tried to get ahead of myself, I would have panicked. (Saturday I ran a 5k at 8am, went to a birthday party at 9:30am, went to another birthday party at 11am for 3 hours, and then went to a Halloween party at 5pm. Sunday was busy too. And Monday. I'm starting to get tired again.)

10. We had so much fun trick or treating last night. I could try to tell you how excited and cute Packy was jumping off the back of a hayride and running full blast to each house, but you just had to be there. His tiny blue Spiderman butt was about the cutest thing I'd ever seen.
11. I almost forgot to tell you this. I had a Halloween freak out. I washed a roach. I don't know if the roach was is in the dirty clothes basket and went in with the clothes or if he crawled into the washing machine. All I know is when I was taking the clothes and putting them in the dryer I noticed a body, his wings and legs all separated during the wash. Guh-ross! Do these things happen to other people or just me?

Maybe Not

2011-10-25T17:16:00.001-04:00

According to my editor, the past 2 weeks my blog has been a little too much of my strong opinion. While she understands it, she feels that if you don't know me (or even if you do) that I may come across as a know it all. That is the last thing I want. I want this to be about my journey through my life and the grace that God gives me. So I am going to take this weeks ten down and try again.

I put it back up (see below), with a few changes. Thank you for your support and for your sweet comments.

Ten on Tuesday (revisited)

2011-10-25T10:59:00.051-04:00

1. That picture says it all. If you have one kid or ten there are days where you feel like this. Like you have been run over by a truck. I saw alot of moms look like this after the school Fall Festival on Tuesday. Between today (Thursday) and Monday, I have four birthday parties, 2 Halloween parties, a Cub Scout meeting, and a 5K race. I also just remembered that Pac had an accident the other night and I never changed his sheets. It dried and he has slept in it for two days. You can send my Mother of the Year award to my home address.

2. I have a new trick. Sometimes, even though I haven't seen the big kids all day, I am worn out from the ride home from school. They get in the car and it is on. My new trick is to give them the keys to the house and I just sit in the car. It's quiet there. I might read the mail, play on my phone, or just close my eyes and prepare for the afternoon. Eventually I either hear them screaming or someone comes outside because they need me. (I think that lady in the picture above got that way by being too needed. Needed to death.)

3. I have felt a little extra crazy this past week for many reasons. One is reason is someone is coming to visit. If you are a guy who happens to read this blog then you need to know this information. Every month I have a visitor and before she comes I have some extra crazy days. This is what you need to know because I know you have either a wife, daughter, or mother.

*The crazy is real. It's some kind of hormonal screw up that makes us really sad, angry, tired, and very sensitive. We aren't faking it. If we could stop it, we would. We can't even stop it when we know that's the reason we are crying over nothing or had our feelings hurt by nothing.

*Your job (if you are a man) is to acknowledge (in your own head) what is happening and then be extra nice. Just give us some extra love and extra help. And don't tell us that you know what's going on. Just don't. And certainly don't ask that question. We will hate you. It will not end well. Don't.

4. Guess who let me take their pictures? I am in shock. Love you big kids.

5. I am nothing if not obsessive. I usually get into something and go really hard until I burn out. Some examples would be Words with Friends on my phone. Really obsessive for a few weeks and then a quick burnout. Right now I am so into my Tap Fish 2 fish tanks (I have four now) and this is one of my driveway calming mechanisms. (By the way, I still sharpen pencils.)

6. We have been going through each chapter in the book of Matthew during Wednesday night church and 1 Thessalonians on Sunday morning. Although it's not the main point, I keep hearing about how, as Christians, we are ambassadors for God. We aren't trying to earn our salvation by doing good things, but because of what Jesus did for us, we are to love the people of this world. One of the things we talked about is how we live our lives. Our example. Does this mean we are perfect? Absolutely not. But do we try to live lives honoring our Father? Yes. I thought about my example. I know that some of you have told me that you read this blog and know some of my story. What if you saw me at the Shamrock taking shots at the bar? Would you still read this or would everything I said suddenly seem very fake? I can't just talk about my walk with the Lord, I have to live it. Especially in front of my kids. Thank goodness for amends. I say "I was wrong", all the time.

7. Today marks 58 days until Christmas. Crazy right? My big kids are not playing with toys anymore, with the exception of Lego's, so I am struggling as to what to tell Santa. I am not an over the top Christmas person. (Unlike Teresa on RHONJ. Did you see the reunion? Tee, what happened to you girl?) I like to be sensible and thoughtful. A bunch of presents to open does not necessarily equal happiness. Emory did say she wanted some rainbow glitter high heels. Maybe she is my girl. I will get her some but they will just happen to be in my size, just in case. (Dear Santa...these would be fun.)

8. I know why the babies of the family are spoiled. We can't help it. When you know how fast they are going to grow, you just try to hold on to every piece of baby you can. I was always looking forward to the next stage with the older two. I try to hold Packy back from entering the next stage. Today I watched him get out of the car and carry his school bag into the building and I teared up. My tiny baby walking into school by himself. I hope he is not rotten, but he is for sure spoiled.

9. Coldplay has a new album. Get it.

10. I say really dumb things all the time. One on one conversations I can usually handle but I get too nervous during chit chat sometimes. I come home from events and think about what I said to people and wonder if they think I am a complete idiot. Or did they even understand what I was trying to say? My mom admitted that I get this from her. Of course this is something Betsy and I have made fun of her about for years. There are a few classic moments that I can think about today and laugh out loud. In case you were unaware, I am turning into my mother. As a 37 year old I have come to realize that is a good thing and I just laugh at myself when I think of the dumb things I said in a nervous moment.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-10-20T16:41:00.004-04:00

1. So it's been busy around the birdhouse. Last week we had Packy going through thumb withdrawal. We painted the nasty THUM stuff on every finger so that any chance of thumb replacement was eliminated. It was really sad. He couldn't sleep and this is my child who loves to sleep. Napping in the car was immediately eliminated. He was tossing and turning at night and could not position himself to sleep without his thumb being in his face. He was grumpy and took out his frustration on a kid at school. We are about 10 days in now and it has gotten better. (He does tell me when he gets in the bed that he's lonely. I don't know exactly how he is feeling without the comfort of his thumb, but to him it's lonely. Interesting word huh?)
2. In case you didn't see on my Facebook, Betsy is famous.

Source: youaremyfave.com via payton on Pinterest

The Tweed Run (read about it on the blog below) was on Saturday (in NYC) and her family was photographed and then put on a fashion blog, Unabashedly Prep. From there she was reblogged and even pinned. It's really interesting to watch how fast you can travel on the Internet and the judgements people can make about you just by looking at one picture. One person felt this way, "This family cannot possibly be happy. They are too well dressed. If those parents spent half as much time tending to their children’s emotional needs as they do dressing them in stylish sweater vests, we wouldn’t have another John and Kate problem on our hands." Really? You got all of that from just a picture of a family who dressed up for an event? Whatever angry blogger. Here's another one from a blog called How to be my Boyfriend and it says, "you must want and love children as much as she does and agree to the weird bohemian names she plans to call them." That one is actually more on the money.
3. Betsy is really really ticked at Tori Spelling for naming her third child Hattie. I don't know how she will let her know how mad she is, but she is mad. How dare she steal her name! Whatever Donna Martin.
4. I have come up with a new job for myself. I want to be a bridal registry consultant. I have been married for almost 15 years now and I look around the house and still see wedding presents. Some good, some bad. Some have been gone for years (think navy towels and lots of themed margarita glasses). Let's face it, twenty somethings, about to get married, have no idea what they will actually use or what they need. This is where I come in. I will take you to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and instead of letting you run wild with the scanner gun I will show you what will help you in your kitchen. You will not register for crazy colored sheets. You will get white sheets and white towels. We will go for quality cook wear and knives. (We might need to bring in your local Cutco dealer and let him set up a separate registry.) Don't go to your local boutique and register for a bunch of cutesy stuff that you will be sick of way before your 5th anniversary. Let me guide you. (My all time favorite wedding present was a homemade quilt. It has been on every picnic and snuggles on the couch with you anytime you need it.)
5. It's Halloween time. My parents did Halloween when I was really little but then they read a book or went to some conference that told them they were worshipping Satan, so we stopped trick or treating. We started going to Hallelujah parties where you were only allowed to dress like someone from the Bible. Picture a ton of angels, Marys, and sheppards. Betsy was the fruit of the Spirit one year. She wore a leotard and had balloons pinned on her as the fruit. If only I could find a picture. (For the record, we thought the parties were lame.) I know lots of Christians don't participate and I am totally fine with that. You get to decide how to raise your children. I do like how the Joy in this Journey mom puts it here. And since this is my blog and I can say what I want, I will say that in my adult life I have never met a person who questioned their faith or the faith of their parents based on how they celebrated (or didn't celebrate) Halloween, Christmas, or Easter. Just sayin'. (On the other hand, Packy and I walked out of Party City because it was way too scary for either of us. Cute costumes, I like. Adult scary stuff, I do not.)

6. Speaking of the Fruit of the Spirit. I had a painting party this past week. A local artist felt called by God to help people put scripture on the wall. She started with one design and asked people on Facebook if they would be interested in learning how to paint and incorporate their favorite verse into the painting. People said yes and before she knew it she was booked through March. At my party we painted the fruit of the Spirit on a pear. I am no artist but with her step by step instructions I was able to make something I really like.

7. Emotionally this week has been tough. The children are learning lessons in friendship. I am also learning lessons in friendship. I am so happy and feel so blessed to have the people that God has placed in my life. I had two conversations this week that were tough and that I would have totally handled differently in my past life. One would have made me mad, and one I would have avoided completely and put distance between me and my friend. I am trying to teach my kids, especially my daughter, that sometimes you have to make things right by talking, apologizing, and forgiving. (Tough for kids and adults.) If I can't be honest with my friends and they feel they can't be honest with me, then I am back to having lots of friends and still being lonely. I would rather walk through the hard conversations to get to the stronger friendship.

8. I got up early for the first time in a while yesterday. I read Colossians 3 and wrote in my prayer journal about keeping my eyes on the Lord. Too bad by 8am that was all out the window and I was a frazzled mess. I wasn't keeping perspective and I was overwhelmed. Somehow I said yes to a few "little" things that put all together, made a big bunch of stuff. So I went to the gym and worked out the anxiety. (And I mean the racing heart, sweaty kind of anxiety. No pills here. Just straight up, hard core exercise. I love my gym.) Then I went to the pumpkin patch.

9. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I try to do everything except the things I am supposed to do. The past few days that has manifested itself in baking a cake, and playing Fruit Ninja and Tap Fish 2 on my phone. Fruit Ninja is mindless fun and Tap Fish is something I can obsess over. Packy wanted to buy this game where you raise and sell fish but it's me who is constantly checking to see if they need to be fed or loved. I am trying to save my fish bucks to buy a new plant for my aquarium. Sad right? Just give me a few days and you will be amazed at all the fish I have.

10. Jason told me yesterday that we really need to figure out how to keep the kids stuff and homework out of the kitchen and den. Let me get right on that. Any suggestions?

Ten on Tuesday

2011-10-11T11:27:00.005-04:00

1. Last Tuesday I was in Atlanta. The treatment center I went to has a program called "revisit" and Jason and I go every October. It's a chance to recharge our recovery batteries (and I mean our because it's not just me that is in recovery). For two days I am in process groups, some with current patients and some with alumni. Jason meets with the spouses group and we do some couples groups. It's an intense couple of days. The fun part is that my roommates from treatment all come and we get to catch up. There are five of us and we have all stayed sober since graduating from treatment. We stay in touch, but it's fun to get together in person and laugh. We laugh so hard. I feel very bonded to these girls. We all saw each other at our absolute worst, so we rejoice in the progress we see in each other.

2. It's a weird feeling to pull into the driveway of TRC (Talbott Recovery Campus). It takes me back to the very first time Jason pulled into that place and what a mess I was. I really thought they might evaluate me and send me home because I wasn't that bad off. (A lot of people think this.) I was wrong and ended up spending 106 days there. They saved my life. I am grateful that they offer the revisit program. Meeting with current patients can be encouraging for them and for me. It reminds me of where I was and how I do not want to go back. It gives them hope that people do stay sober. Every year there is a person I knew during my stay that has relapsed and is now a current patient. I am always grateful that they stayed alive long enough to go back to treatment, and very grateful that I am still sober. (I know of 3 people who died of addiction during the last 2 weeks.)

3. We surprised the kids with a trip to Stone Mountain. Our niece, who lives in Atlanta, had her first birthday party so we had an excuse to be in Atlanta. We left the party and drove to Stone Mountain. The sad part was that the kids were so into their video games that they didn't notice where we were until we slowed down to pay to get in. Stone Mountain has come a long way since I was a kid. So much to do. Sadly, we did not get to go on top of the mountain because it was too windy. (Packy asked me to pray that night that the next time he went to Stone Mountain that it would not be windy.)

(Emory's reaction when she looked up and saw the Stone Mountain gate.)

4. I got on the website damnyouautocorrect last night and laughed to the point of hysterically crying. Some of them are totally made up but they still made me laugh. I tried reading them to Jason but that didn't work. I just know when my mom first got her iPhone, I got a couple of random texts about robots. (Bad words, you have been warned.)

5. I have really had a hard time getting up early the past couple of weeks. Sad to say but I think I am staying up too late watching Bravo. I hate waking up late. I feel behind as soon as my feet hit the floor but my love for my bed is very strong. The main problem is when I get up late I miss my quiet time. No quiet time equals no peace for me. Working on getting some peace back.

6. Remember how Packy decided he was going to quit sucking his thumb and quit on his own? Well, after a few months he decided he would start back. When he started back it was worse than before. (This sounds so familiar.) He used to just do it when he was sleeping and when he started again it was all the time. I bought the THUM stuff that you paint on their nails but that didn't work. Then a friend told me that even though the instructions say to paint just the nail that you have to paint the entire thumb AND all of the other fingers because they will substitute. So we tried that and we have gone 24 hours without any fingers in the mouth.

7. Tybee makes me laugh. They love to have a party and they love a parade. This was the first year that we attended the Pirate Festival. Now Tybee takes pride in their quirkiness and this festival is perfect for the locals. I would say that most of them look like pirates in their everyday life and this weekend they just take it one step further. I have to say that it is fun to walk around saying "Arrrggghhh". Thank you Mimi! We had such a good time. (It's also fun to say "booty". Packy really liked having permission to talk about booty as much as he wanted to.)

8. I forgot how busy life gets when school starts. I feel like it starts on Labor Day and fast forwards all the way to New Years. I am trying to slow my brain down and appreciate this season. Since we are in a new house it is fun thinking of new ways to decorate and celebrate holidays. One of the first things I always do when looking at a house is ask, "Where would the Christmas tree go?". So much to look forward to over the next few months.

9. I got my camera back out. I have a love/hate relationship with this camera. I love it when it takes good pictures but then get so frustrated when I miss shots. I don't really compare myself to other people in most areas of my life but when it comes to photography, I do. I get photo envy all the time. The solution to this is to take more pictures but most of the time I do the opposite. It is good to take a break every now and then but I am ready to start carrying it all the time again.

10. This makes me happy that I got my camera back out. My little pirate could not take any more and Jason found him on the floor. Superman PJ's, night nights and his thumb. Captures him perfectly.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-09-28T15:52:00.002-04:00

1. So this last week has been super hard. I never could imagine how hard it is to see someone in such intense pain. No words. Holding her hand and crying was all I could do. I am so encouraged by all of the prayer and support people have been giving her. I have heard so many people say they woke up in the middle of the night and prayed for her and her family. So many moms hurting for another mom. People who know and love her and people who have never even heard her name, just the story. This is the beginning of a long journey of healing. Don't stop praying for them.
2. I think I fell into a funk around September 9th. I started watching the September 11th coverage and just didn't stop. I cried at every story. From the children who were in utero when their dads died to the people in NYC watching in horror as people took their own lives because that was the better option. Suffering is a part of life but when it is so intense and evil it really throws me. I think basically I have been on the edge of tears for a few weeks. I don't feel depressed but it is hard to come to grips with pain in this life. I love when my friend reminds me that this earth is not my home. I am just visiting. My home is in eternal glory with my Father.
3. I also feel guilty that I have been in a funk. I have never lost anyone super close to me. I still have 3 out of four grandparents alive and my Papa died when I was 8 so it's been a long time. I have friends who have lost parents, siblings, and children so where do I get off being in a sad mood, or "off" as Jason likes to put it? God wants me to be joyful, but it is a choice. It helps to be grateful and present in my own life. I am about seven days ahead right now and all it's doing is causing me anxiety. Stay in today.
4. On a lighter note. The crabs are gone. We started out with three. The kids took them to the playroom and I am going to be honest and say that I try not to go up there very often. When I did go up there I saw the crab box. One was obviously dead. I disposed of him and took the other two out for examination. Somehow they were still alive. I put them on the counter and started to clean out the cage. After some Facebook distraction I noticed that one crab was still crawling around on the counter and one was missing. I noticed his shell was now on the floor, but no body. At first I thought it was suicide but with no body this could not be the case. I searched everywhere and could never find a body. To this day, no body. He either escaped naked or Bogey had a snack. The last crab standing was Hiccup and he was more than likely dead when I threw him in the trash. I didn't do a thorough examination.
5. The wise in heart accepts commands but a chattering fool comes to ruin. Proverbs 10:8
I have a chattering fool in my house. She and I are constantly at odds because she can't stop talking. Back talking. Bothering her brothers talking. Talking to hear herself talking.
6. Emory is in her first school play. She is enjoying all of the attention. She is a towns person in Treasure Island.
7. Sometimes I question everything. Including this blog. I don't like for it to be a source of stress but sometimes it is. I want it to have purpose. I pray over it and over the people that read it. When I start comparing my blog to other peoples or try to make it something that it's not is where I get in trouble. I have never wanted to "promote" my blog. I have always felt that God will lead the people he wants to read it to the site. The last two posts by Andrea at The Flourishing Mother and this one by Karen Russell are comforting to me. I am not the only one who doubts what I am doing.
8. Emory's Flat Stanley went to the Ralph Lauren fashion show during NYC Fashion Week. Thanks Uncle Lee.

9. I have said before that Satan uses guilt to get to me. I was talking about this in a group the other night and we decided he either uses guilt or fear as one of his main tools to distract us from looking to our Saviour. If he can't get us by bringing up the past, he puts fear in us about the future. Either way we should keep our eyes on Jesus. This quote by Maya Angelou always brings up guilt ever since I heard her say it on Oprah: "How do you react when your child enters the room? Do your eyes light up?" I try to think about this in the carpool line. I actually have missed them during the day. I can even say that my eyes light up when they get in the car. It's the part after that. When they start decompressing from a day at school. They share their hurts and struggles and often times turn on me or each other. I was taught that is called sideways emotions. When you are hurt you act out in anger, and when you are angry you act hurt. Today, one child was acting hurt and one was acting angry. Both sideways. So I try to keep that light in my eyes.

That is a hard quote to live up to. Every time they enter the room Maya? I would hate to see the look on my face sometimes.

10. I am so grateful that I am in community with other women. I used to think I didn't need women in my life. I was wrong.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-09-28T06:45:00.002-04:00

I am working on it. Keep checking back.

Tuesday

2011-09-20T22:08:00.001-04:00

I can't do my ten today. I am too sad. A friend of mine lost her 3 month old baby today in a freak accident. My heart is aching for her and her family. She was the person who sold our birdhouse and was pregnant with this sweet baby as she helped us search for a new place to call home. Our grandparents were best friends and I have always thought of her like a cousin. I have cried until I can't cry anymore. I have begged and wept. My head aches and my heart aches. There is nothing I can say. I know that God is sovereign but that doesn't mean life is without pain and that's a hard pill to swallow when a baby dies. All we have is prayer.

Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-09-13T16:13:00.004-04:00

1. This is what you call a third baby. We leave the house 30 minutes before Jay and Emory get out of school in order to secure a place at the front of the carpool line. The other benefit is that Packy naps 4 out of 5 days in the car. He really didn't take naps last year but I think going to school everyday wears him out. He actually looks forward to getting in the car and he is usually asleep before I have gone a mile. (In the picture above we are actually parked.) Packy was never allowed to nap in his crib. I would literally pick him up, sound asleep, from his crib and put him in his car seat, in order to pick up Jay and Emory from preschool.
2. Plan the action, don't plan the results. This is the response to someone having a hard time staying in today. I can't just stay in the present, I have to plan for the future. Yes you can plan what action you need to take but worrying about the results is where the problem begins.
3. "People who are tall but are still kids are called teenagers." -Packy age 4 after the football game Friday night. They are still kids, but they don't know that. They think they are so grown up.
5. This is the beauty of Emory's homework including reading aloud for at least 5 minutes a day:

It makes me so happy to see this.

6. How do you feel about changing seasons? I love the weather. I get totally overwhelmed switching out closets and clothes for not only me but my three children. Totally overwhelmed.

7. A couple of weeks ago we studied Matthew 16. The main point is looking to the past to see Jesus' faithfulness and to apply it to my present situation. Jesus was telling the disciples to remember how he fed the thousands when they were worried because they forgot to bring some bread on their boat trip. When I look at how he has delivered me from my past how can I be worried that he won't take care of my future?

8. Want to know what it looks like to be told you will not get any juice or snacks until you eat some actual food?

9. Betsy called on Saturday while mom and I were in the car together. She sounded frazzled and wanted to know if you ever got caught up enough to do the things you want to do. Our answer, in unison, was NOPE. And if you did actually get caught up one day with time to spare, you'd be so tired that you would go right to bed.

10. So here is an update on my make up story. I went back and forth in my head all day. By the end of the day I didn't even like how I looked. So made up that I was starting to crack. Literally. I didn't even touch the bag with all my carefully wrapped products. I figured out that I was trying to be somebody else and that it wasn't me. Now, I love make up and products, don't get me wrong. It wasn't the make up that was the problem. It was what I was trying to achieve by throwing money at something. I took everything back and went to a less prestigious counter and bought some new lip gloss and blush. I felt relieved and happy. Make up can't make me happy. Lesson learned (for this week).

11. I am really into walnuts. By "into walnuts" I mean I am putting them on my ice cream and in my cookies.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-09-06T17:56:00.001-04:00

1. Pirate Pac is really enjoying school.
2. So, I had the best Labor Day. I went to the movies by myself and saw the last Harry Potter. I am a huge fan of the Harry Potter books. My name was always the first one on the library hold list and as soon as I got the book in my hands I blocked out life for a few days and did nothing but read. (I tend to be obsessive about things.) I actually called Jason's mom and asked her to watch the kids so I could finish the last book and return to my actual life. I have not been into the movies as much but I knew I wanted to see the last one at the theatre and I am so glad I did. It was awesome. I did whisper to a little girl to shut up but it was totally justified. She was seeing a different movie and came to "visit" her sister who was sitting behind me. She was talking and talking during a very important and quiet scene so I shhhh'd and snapped my finger at her. Kept talking. I shhhh'd again and still more talking. So I quietly, but sternly, whispered SHUT UP. No more talking. Look, little girl, I paid $11 to see this IMAX movie and I want to hear every word Harry Potter and Dumbledore have to say. (I did know that no adult was sitting with them before I took matters to this level.)
3. When I got home from the movies, I made some gumbo. Sausage and chicken, no okra. We had a family come over and they brought homemade pizza for the kids. I love having people in our home. Jason has to have a gentle nudge to have people over. He likes it once they are here, but the anticipation makes him a bit squirrely. (Squirrely is a word I use often.)
4. I really missed Betsy and the girls the other day. It's hard to adjust to life without seeing them every day. When she is struggling it makes it even harder. With a first grader, a three year old (oh Josie), and a crawling 6 month old in the city, she can have some stressful days. Today she bought a washer, dryer, and an ice maker. I could not be more excited for her. She will no longer have to drag everyone down two different elevators to get to the basement where the laundry room is, only to discover all of the dryers are broken. Yea Betsy!
5. Jay just found a tick in his belly button. Gross. Country living at its finest. He found it because he was doing his homework shirtless. Always without a shirt.
6. Today I got a makeover. I went to the mall without make up and let the professional show me the latest look. I was having an ugly day. All girls have them. I just needed a change and I wanted some make up to make me feel better. After the makeover I came home to surprise Jason with my new look. He said he liked my old look. He wasn't being mean. Jason has never been a big make up guy (he always hated prom hair and make up). So, my plan is to take it all back (after the lady who did my makeover gets off work) and maybe just try some new lip gloss. The thrill is gone.
7. My mom always said yes. I always said no. Now, I know there is a balance. I said yes to one thing and no to another at my church this week. It's OK to say no. Did you know that? God has called me to some things and not to do other things. If I try to do things he has not called me to do, just because I feel like I should say yes to anything "good", then I will be exhausted and resentful. We all have different gifts. Going outside of my gifts is a strain on me and my family.
8. The light that shines the farthest, shines the brightest at home. Isn't that beautiful? This is one of my Pastor's favorite quotes. It reminds me when I am deciding about an activity that my main mission is my home. If I could draw a concentric circle graph right now it would have God in the middle, then spouse and family, then church, and THEN the other stuff. When I have the light shining bright at home it spreads out from my family and into the world.
9. Some people I know went to jail last week. Their addiction led them to stealing which led them to jail. People in 12 step meetings often talk about hitting their bottom and how remembering it helps them to stay sober. I think this is very true but I also know you can find a lower bottom if you want to. In the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, it tells a story where someone is questioning their bottom and the answer is "You hit bottom when you stop digging." My bottom was lots of things but the hardest part was becoming so emotionally numb that I could not love my children. I never went to jail, got a DUI, or stole anything (actually, I did steal but that is another story) but I could always find a lower bottom if I started digging again.
10. The last pool day.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-08-31T11:12:00.005-04:00

1. This weekend kicks off football season. I like football. I am not the girl that knows all the players names and stats and tries to hang with the guys. You know that girl. I like to watch it but if there is a marathon of something on Bravo then I am just as tempted to watch that. Jason is a big Georgia fan and I graduated from Auburn. This leads me to the Falcons. I just prefer to watch the NFL.
2. What I do not like to watch on TV is baseball. We were watching Little League last week and that's fun. I love to read how tall and giant those 11 year old boys are and the random facts they put up about them. MLB is just not enough to keep my interest and I have two problems with it. The first is the fact that the coaches wear the uniforms. Really? It just looks silly. Basketball coaches wear suits and football coaches wear khakis. Why do baseball coaches wear the entire uniform? And I find the signals ridiculous. The signs between the catcher, pitcher, and coach just look dumb. My husband has tried to explain to me the importance of all the face touching but I just don't get it. Isn't there another way? Jason loves baseball and this is totally just my opinion.
3. Packy started 4K this year so this means he has to start coming to "big church" and sitting with us until it's time for the children to leave and go to "children's church". The problem is that this started the month Jason is ushering so I have all the kids by myself. Packy has done great for the most part but I did carry him out this past week with my hand over his mouth and plopped him down in front of his dad. Quick talk with dad and he was great the rest of the service. Sundays are hard. I feel like Satan gives it everything he's got on Sunday. Monday morning at the gym was filled with stories of how hard church was. Some of the biggest fights I remember my parents having were before church (usually involving my dad polishing our English sandals with white polish). By the way, I have no answer for this. It's just hard.

4. Packy's family night was Sunday night. He wanted to have chicken, broccoli, and potatoes for the adults (?). He iced Mario cupcakes all by himself. For his games he wanted to go outside and play freeze tag, ladder ball, and a game similar to Bocce where we throw a small ball and everyone has to see how close they can roll or throw their ball to it (I dominated this game). (Mario and Luigi cupcakes. Yummy Ina frosting. Nasty Pilsbury gel icing.)

5. I love to set really high goals for myself so I can miserably fail. Used to. These are some of the actual goals I have actually written down and drove myself crazy trying to achieve.

Keep my house guest ready at all times.
Not to go anywhere unless I was completely fixed up.
Go to the car wash every week and have it completely clean for carpool.

Why would I do that to myself? Trying to reach the unattainable and putting my worth in appearances. That was the past. If I am always worried about how my house looks, I will never use it for the fellowship that God wants me to have in it. If I am so concerned about being fixed up (and if you know me that is laughable because I hate getting dressed) then I will miss opportunities to share with people. The car goal is just dumb. Who has that kind of time? Now I clean it out when I get gas and that's good enough.

6. I have a child who has become annoying lately. Sometimes they aren't doing anything wrong but since it's getting on my nerves I want to punish them. So I struggle with patience. What else is new?

7. Melted crayon art. Hair dryer, creme brulee blow torch, lighters, and matches. (Just to be clear, I made this, not the kids.)

8. In the past two years I have switched my children to a new school, changed churches, and moved. I am very happy with all of those changes but I miss the people I used to see on a regular basis. I know life is all about seasons and that I am in a busy season with small kids. I am so grateful for the women who are in my life right now organically. I don't have to make a huge effort to see them and they are amazing. I used to see a different group of people all of the time and now I don't. I just wanted to say that I miss those people. If I were better about planning I would schedule some coffee dates but I usually get about one of those a year. Remember what they taught us in Brownies?

Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.

(I must admit that when I was little I always felt bad for the silver friends.)

9. I know it's Wednesday.

10. If you didn't read this on my Facebook, please read it now. It's so good.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111903596904576516753267688990.html?fb_ref=wsj_share_FB&fb_source=profile_multiline

Ten on Tuesday

2011-08-23T21:16:00.005-04:00

(I don't know what Packy is doing.)

1. My house is quiet. I am supposed to be at the gym but we had a rough start this morning so Jason took the kids to school. I was being blamed for getting the kids up too early, when I actually let them sleep 10 minutes longer than usual. I was being blamed for making them take their lunch when it is bacon cheeseburger day, when actually it was their dad who decided two days a week of a healthy home lunch would be better. Sometimes they act like I do everything wrong and it hurts my feelings. I know they don't understand what I do for them. I did not understand what my parents did for me. It still hurts my feelings.

2. Packy came in our room the other night in a sleepwalking daze. I pretended to be asleep (so I didn't have to get up) and watched Jason pick him up in his too small Superman pajamas, complete with cape. He sat on the bed with him in his arms for a few minutes and I about lost it. Something about a sleepy baby in Superman pajamas and a sweet daddy snuggling for a few minutes.

3. I would like to thank (blame) Katy D. for my latest iPhone addiction, Words with Friends. Who knew playing scrabble could be so fun? Jason is playing too and we play each other all during the day. We also play at night while I am upstairs in the bed and he is downstairs on the couch. That sounds sad doesn't it?

4. Emory's turn to plan family night was Saturday. She picked Domino's thin crust pizza and made a chocolate cake with blue and green icing. For her games she chose Twister and then wii Just Dance 2. It was a lot of fun. Jay did not participate in the dancing but I made up for it by dancing as much as she would allow me to. She was a little bummed when I scored more points than her on Toxic. I had to tell her that she should never challenge me on anything that includes Britney Spears. I will win. every. single. time. (Pictures below: Jason and Emory doing Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne, and Packy doing The Monster Mash)

5. I have never seen Britney Spears. I had tickets to see her. I checked in to rehab that day.

6. Did you see Emory's black on black tennis shoes? I sent a first day of school picture to Betsy and she asked me if Emory was working at Bennigan's after school. They are ugly. I like ugly tennis shoes so I am totally with her and glad that she has the confidence to pull them off.

7. Jason and Jay spent a few hours shoveling mulch at the church Saturday morning. There was a giant truckload delivered and the volunteers shoveled it into wheelbarrows and took it to the playgrounds and flower beds where it was raked out. Jason told Jay on the way to the church (at 8:15 am) that at our old church we would have just payed someone to do it. He explained that at a small church people have to help out more but that it was a good thing to serve the church. Jay added that they were also serving the Lord by working at the church. Did you hear the angels sing? I love it when they connect something without me having to tell (beat it into) them. Jason also said that Jay worked really hard and did not complain. Angels again.

8. Does anyone even look at this on Tuesday or do you just wait until Wednesday?

9. American Flag Churchwell, Jellybean, and Hiccup are still alive and in Macon. Mimi actually kept those hermit crabs alive after we left them (on purpose) at Tybee. Packy's class from last year is studying hermit crabs so he is letting them borrow for the week. Little do they know. Miss Dana has three new class pets.

10. So the mommy guilt has been creeping back in. I totally set myself up for it. When I am trying to be the BEST mom, BEST wife, BEST friend, then at the end of the day I only see the ways that I have failed in each of those areas. When I miss God's calling to serve in each of those areas and make it about what I am doing then I put the focus on me. The focus on me is always the wrong place for the focus. It only leads to guilt and frustration. I can still review my day and see areas where I could have served with a better attitude, or given grace to a child instead of whatever it is I give them, but I don't have to be weighed down with guilt. The good news is that if I don't wake up in heaven, I have another day to love and serve. (My editor, Betsy, said that was morbid I think you get the point, right?)

Ten on Tuesday

2011-08-16T22:08:00.001-04:00

1. That kid is still trying to break my heart. He is so smart. He thinks if he wakes up and ignores the uniform sitting on his dresser and puts on his play clothes that school won't happen. It happens. Today he told me that everyday is too many days for him to go (with tears). Last year he only went two days so I was expecting five to be hard. By the time we got to the drop off line he was fine. Donuts were the snack today so that sealed the deal. He just likes to tug my heart strings.

2. Yesterday he wore his shorts to school backwards and no one noticed. Jason picked him up and took him to Chik-fil-A. Still did not notice. When they got home, I noticed. Of course I didn't make him take them off and put them on the right way. We were half way thru the day so really, what would be the point?

It would just make him mad. He is a third child and sometimes things happen.

3. I saw someone who had relapsed recently. You can see it in their eyes. Now I am no expert and certainly no judge, but I can tell when the light I saw come on when someone got sober is now gone from their eyes. My mom told me this summer that when I was actively using she felt like Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future. Remember how he had the picture of his family and they were slowly fading away? She said that she felt like she was watching me fade away. I have just started to really explore how my parents felt as they watched me over the years make decisions that hurt myself and my family. I don't think I could even allow myself to go there when I first got sober. It was too much for me to process. When you are sick, you think you are only hurting yourself. When you start to realize how it impacted others, it is really, really hard. My mom and I had a "moment" as I started to realize what she went through as a mom. (Love you Mom.)

4. I am slowly getting back into my routines. Alarm clock is going off at 5:45 so that I can have my quiet time. I am back at the gym (and insanely sore) and back at meetings. Lunch is the hardest. I hate lunch and I am totally back to eating cereal. Lunch gets on my nerves.

5. I read The Help this summer and went to see the movie this weekend. It was really good. Different from the book in some ways, but still good. Tears good. Minnie, Mae Mobley, and Constantine were my favorite people. I did not grow up with help, but I did have a babysitter that I loved. Her name was Wilma and she let me eat mustard sandwiches and make my own chocolate milk (and I used way too much Quik). She took off her wig and took out her teeth when she ironed. Wilma was also a hoarder. Way before TLC introduced me to the world of extreme hoarding, I went to Wilma's house and had to follow the narrow path to get anywhere in between stacks of boxes that reached the ceiling. (I'll have to ask my mom if they actually went to the ceiling. I was young and short, but that is the picture in my head.)

6. We had our first official family night on Saturday night. It's was Jay's night so he got to pick the dinner, make the dessert, and pick the games. We had pizza, Jay's sundae (crushed Oreos, vanilla ice cream, butterscotch and chocolate syrup), and we played wii bowling and tennis. It was a hit and everyone had fun until all the wii remotes died and we had no more batteries. (Ugh. Battery sucking remotes!) We also started having a high/low discussion at dinner. Each night everyone tells the best thing that happened during the day and the worst thing that happened. It's quite interesting to hear their perspective of their day. We discovered that if Packy doesn't go first that he copies the person that just went. Good discussion starter.

7. She is sooo me. I won't explain. Not today.

8. I have officially worn flip-flops too long. My feet hurt. The deep kind of hurt. I have started wearing tennis shoes with outfits that I shouldn't wear tennis shoes with. In other words, once again, I am becoming my mother. After years of making fun of my mom's orthopedic, Skecher tennis shoes, I am now eating my words. I want to get a pedicure and tell the lady she doesn't have to touch my toes. Just rub my feet. (I am also becoming my grandmother. She often burned herself while cooking and now I am carrying on the tradition. New scars but remember this...scars are tattoos with better stories.)

9. People are reading in our house and I love it. I bought a milk crate during my reorganization project and filled it with library books for Packy. After school we sit on the couch and read. Emory and I are still working on Black Beauty and she started reading Little House in the Big Woods and loves it. She is just like her Aunt Betsy (who played Laura Ingalls after school until about the 9th grade). Jay is even reading without grumbling. Even reading out loud. Jason is not reading.

10. I felt fall for a few seconds this morning. Did you feel it? It makes me so happy.

Fun Friday

2011-08-12T10:48:00.000-04:00

1. Look at that boy. He is so excited about 4k. He loves his uniform. Those are statements he made before school actually started. Now, he does not want to wear his uniform or go to school. The first day I went in with him and there were tears. Today I dropped him off. By dropped him off I mean pushed him out of the car while the carpool helper pulled him out. Crying and screaming, "I'm scared". Totally breaking my heart. I drove off and did not look back. I did receive a phone call and an email that he was doing fine. (I LOVE that the school cares enough to let me know that my baby is fine. Baby? Yes. My baby.)
2. I don't think I've brushed my teeth today. This was a common phrase heard on the Tybee porch in the afternoon. The question is who do you think said it? Adults or children?
3. Your baby's crying. Get your baby. Said in the voice of Napoleon Dynamite. I don't know why but the word baby said in his voice makes me laugh. I can totally crack myself up.
4. We saw the Smurf movie. I think the Smurfs totally allow people to say bad words using the Smurf language. Packy said dinner last night was Smurftastic! Perfect, but then someone else told me to Smurfin call them back. This also makes me laugh. Send me a Smurfin text and I will actually laugh at loud.
5. I would like to say that my proof readers are both slack. They both told me that I had errors in my Tuesday post but they thought the other person was going to tell me. Neither told me. Slack. (It's Betsy and Jason. They really get on me if I haven't written my Ten on time but yet can't tell me that they saw an error. Slack is all I'm saying.)

Ten on Tuesday

2011-08-10T10:24:00.001-04:00

1. I know it's not Tuesday. Frenzied is how I would like to describe myself right now. The past two days have included things like back to school haircuts for everyone, back to school shoe shopping, waiting on the computer for the class lists to be posted, organizing, cleaning, and the kicker...helping Jay finish his last (he had to write 3) book report that is due the first day of school. (Note to self: schedule a massage.)

2. I get super excited about the beginning of school. (Remember this is the year I am going to __________?) It's better than New Year's Eve to me. A fresh start. Last night we had a family meeting. I even made (and printed) an agenda for the family meeting. (I feel some laminating in my near future.) We went over some new house rules and reminded them of the old ones. We told them to get excited about Family Game Nights and explained Thursday chores. We read the student pledge that the school sent us. Now, if I can only be consistent about enforcing all of this stuff.

3. Forget Julie and Julia. Right now it is all about Payton and Ina (Garten, The Barefoot Contessa). I went to the library and checked out 4 of her cookbooks and have been cooking my way right thru them. (Yes, I am taking a Paleo break.) I have yet to cook anything that I didn't like. She has a way of making vegetables taste so good and don't even get me started on the marinated pork she had me grill. Yum.
4. I went to the library because I got a babysitter. I would never take all 3 of my LOUD children to the library. I came home from Tybee on Wednesday and got a babysitter on Friday. Sometimes you just need to be alone and I really needed to be alone. I didn't do anything fun like a pedicure or massage, but I was alone. I ran errands that I wanted to run, like the library. (Actually, I went to two libraries. They didn't have all of the books at one so I went to two. I was in no hurry and libraries are quiet.)

5. Did I tell you I got an Iphone? I have had a Go Phone (prepaid Walmart phone) for six months, waiting patiently for my upgrade. I am in heaven (except the beating my kids off of it part). This is just another part of my big organization project. Everything on the phone and not on pieces of paper. I even downloaded a Christmas List app that has a passcode on it. Heaven.

6. Look at this photo project about Where Children Sleep. Really cool. My children will look at this for sure. Sometimes they need perspective.

7. FYI, this post does not read in chronological order. So, when I got home last week I was fired up. I got out all (and I have a bunch) of my Turansky and Miller books and started making some new parenting plans. I started to refocus my family vision. I had to ask myself a few times this summer, If I was not lazy or spent too much time on the computer how would my family look? Sometimes I can get stuck in a spiral of this kind of thinking and really stress myself out. I have to be realistic and remember that the plans I am making include MY children. Not some other, really calm children I see walking around Macon. So, I make some plans, try to be consistent with them, and pray. I love in A Praying Life when Paul Miller says, "It didn't take me long to realize I did my best parenting by prayer. I began to speak less to the kids and more to God. It was actually quite relaxing." Pray more. Speak (or yell in my case) less.
8. I still do not feel settled. I have been back one week today and I still feel like I am in catch up mode. (Did I mention my dryer does not get hot? The part has been ordered.) My normal routines of getting up early and having a quiet time, going to the gym, and going to meetings have not been reestablished yet. They need to be, but they haven't.
9. Today we go meet our teachers. Tomorrow we go to school. Packy is so excited about wearing a uniform. He even had a practice run and wore it last week. When I drop this one off, I will cry.
10. Jason and I watched some YouTube last night and I was crying. Not tearing up, but crying laughing at reporter fails. This one is my favorite. The best part is the cut back to the studio at the end. I love to laugh.

(You can watch the Family Guy version here.)
11. So, I also have a goal of getting my ten done on time.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-08-02T23:02:00.001-04:00

Today is Betsy's birthday. So...

1. I love my sister. I am thankful that I have a sister and that we have a relationship. There are plenty of people who don't have one or the other. She is my best friend. Her husband is always happy when we get to spend time together and, as he says, "catch up". He doesn't understand that we don't have to catch up. We know what's going on in each other's lives pretty much daily.

2. Betsy is one of the few (maybe the only) person I can take constructive criticism from. She can tell me my clothes are dated, my hair is too long, or even (gasp) that one my children needs to work on a character trait(s). She can say things to me that I would jump on my mom for saying. I think that Betsy is just one of those genuinely sweet people and I don't ever question her motives. She is kind and has a servant's heart.

3. After living with each other for the month and observing each other's children for a month, you get some really good insight. We have had some really good "give it to me straight" (about my children) meetings. I even asked for her observations. Sometimes you start to become numb to a problem (or do I just give up without realizing it?) that someone else can easily point out. Betsy is good at pinpointing the behavior and the heart issue that goes along with it. (I am giving KJ and the Turansky/Miller team some credit for this wisdom.[Even working on a 30 day action plan KJ!]) I am usually fired up to start some new parenting plans when school is about to start. Starting a new school year is like a fresh start. This year I am going to be _____________. (Insert organized, on time or even early, reading more out loud, not getting behind, and on on and on.) But I really mean it this year. Right?

4. She has had me peeing in my pants (again) reading Tina Fey's Bossypants out loud. Things are just funnier when we are together. We both love Tina Fey but when someone is laughing so hard that they can barely get the words out, you have to laugh.

5. In order to pull me out of my funk last week, Betsy suggested that we work on our So You Think You Can Dance routine for National Dance Day. How could I do anything but smile and laugh as we tried to learn an advanced hip hop routine in the kitchen? We laughed even harder as we discussed doing it on the Tybee pier and having Emory tape it. Harder still as we thought about teaching it to Jason and making him do it with us on the pier. Of course those things did not happen, but it sure was fun laughing about it. (We did learn the routine and we might have a tape of it. Wouldn't you like to see that?)

6. Did you know that Betsy was the very first mom featured on Mama Monday on the Flourishing Mother? Read her story here.

7. Want the dirt on Betsy? There really is very little (I mean, she's not perfect, but I am talking about her married life. Don't email me your "dirt" on Betsy. On second thought, maybe you should. ) but she does have a cereal problem. The box calls to her from the kitchen most nights between 9 and 10 and will not be quiet until she has devoured a giant bowl.

8. I have taken over 1,100 pictures since July 4th.

9. Is anyone else questioning Nick Lachey's decision to start off his second marriage the same way he started his first? A reality show about your wedding? Really Nick Lachey? Really?

10. Me and my people are leaving tomorrow. We are gathering all of our junk and putting it in piles right now. I know I am going to be sad when I drive away, but it is time. It is time.

Dedicated to my sweet sister Betsy.

Tybee YMCA roller skating night.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-07-26T14:29:00.007-04:00

1. I have hit the third week wall. Hard. Everything I try to teach my children about self-control, using kind words, and being gentle, has been thrown out the window. It's so hard to teach your children not to yell at each other as you are screaming at them. I miss my house. I miss my Kroger. I miss my church. I miss my gym. I miss the little room. I miss my friends. Most of all, I miss Jason. I hate to complain at the beach, but I am a routine girl and I miss my routine. Too much ice cream makes your stomach hurt right? (Please don't tell Ann Voskamp that I am whining. I will get on my 1000 things as soon as I can.)

2. So, sometimes I have situational depression. I think everyone does at times. I thought at one point I suffered from clinical depression but my addiction doctor told me I don't. He said, "Payton, if you will quit doing things that make you depressed, then you won't be depressed." Easy right? But I can get depressed quickly over my parenting screw ups (and other overwhelming life situations). The guilt after screaming at a child comes fast and hard. I go immediately into fast forward and start thinking that I have, once again, wounded the spirit of my children. This guilt is one of Satan's biggest tools with me. He knows how I hate to feel it and how I can turn it into self-pity so fast. It makes me feel like I am stuck in the mud. In a holding pattern, not moving. I usually lie in the bed and try to take a rest, but no rest comes. This is when I start shutting down emotionally. Throw in a really tight, heavy chest and that's how my body reacts to stress and guilt. I am getting better at catching this lie and squashing it before it gets to the bed stage but this week I wallowed in it for a while.

3. Just so you don't think I am a big 'ole complainer, these are the things I am supper happy about. Getting to sleep with Packy. He is the best snuggler. He has been sleeping with Mimi (but she ran away, back to Macon for a few days, to have a vacation from her vacation, lucky her) (ran away may be too strong...took a break from the crazies would be more accurate) so I got to sleep with my baby. Back to my happy list. I love seeing Lolly first thing in the morning. She is such a happy baby and always has a big smile on her face. She also has eyes that smile. I think Tyra Banks coined the term smize and that is exactly what she does. (Ask Jason about smizing. He knows.)

(Packy is still talking.)

4. Even though I am ready to come home, as soon as I pack the car and drive away, I will cry. It happens every time. My heart breaks as I drive down the causeway. Ready to get back to back to my real life but sad that my village is being torn apart again.

5. Emory and I are reading Black Beauty. I read The Help this week. Love getting lost in a book.

6. Yesterday we tie-dyed shirts for everyone. This was a project that everyone enjoyed. They look really good and everyone is sporting them today. Packy put his on this morning before the sun came up. I feel a group shot coming. It's nice to find an activity where everyone can participate and have fun. One with minimal whining. (I am not even going to go into the high level of whining that we have going on here. Betsy was already worried that this post was going to be too depressing so I won't start. And the book reports. Oh, the book reports. Is FPD trying to kill me slowly?)

7. So, Amy Winehouse died. Another casualty of addiction. It makes me sad when people can't get it, but some people can't. A family I have known since I was a teenager buried their child who was in college last week. Another casualty of addiction. (Disclaimer: I do not know if this child was an actually an addict but I do know they died of an alcohol and pill combination.) Amazing, loving, family. Do you get that? It doesn't matter how great your family is, if you are an addict you are one. Your family can't love you out of it. You have to get it and some people can not get honest enough to get it, or they die before they get a chance. Getting it to me means I can never have a mind altering substance again, for the rest of my life, or I risk dying. It also means trusting God to direct my paths and living by some simple steps. I get to choose everyday to live or die.

8. I am on the last week of my Philippians study. I love what Paul says in chapter 4 verse 9:

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

In my head Paul is saying to me, "Now that you have all of the head knowledge, DO IT. (I usually add a word along the lines of knucklehead at the end.) It's not going to do you any good if you don't apply what you have learned." I need to be reminded of this all the time. My mouth is my main problem. If I don't pause when I get angry, ugly things come out. I have a very sharp tongue and I go for the jugular if I feel wronged. I know how to hurt people with words. I hate this about myself. This is something I am constantly working on. Or should I say that I am constantly praying that God would change this about me. What really gets me is when I see my kids modeling my bad behavior and letting their mouths get them into trouble or tearing each other down. Makes my heart hurt. Lord, please help us love each other.

9. This is getting to be too deep so let's just talk about The Real Housewives of New York reunion. Wow. Bethenny got out at the perfect time. Those girls are taking crazy to a new level. Did you feel sorry for Andy? I love Andy Cohen. I even love all of the Camp by Bravo commercials. Britney Spears and all of the Bravo cast? It's my dream come true. (That statement might be pushing it or it might just make me seem pathetic. Either way, I love those commercials.)

10. So. One more week. Just knowing that it is about to come to an end helps me to appreciate what we have. A family that loves each other and is blessed to get to spend an entire month together. Now, breathe in, breathe out. (So far this is the only group shot we have.)

Ten on Tuesday (Tybee time remember?)

2011-07-20T11:26:00.004-04:00

(Betsy just proofread and I misspelled Tuesday. Not a good sign. My brain is on vacation.)

1. So we have made it half way. Two weeks down, two to go. So far, so good. We have become a little village. It reminds me of olden times when generations lived together. The lines blur from family to family. If someone needs a diaper change, nose wipe, sunscreen or bug spray applied, book read to them, a boo boo that needs kissing, a bike ride around the block during the "witching hour" before supper, then the closest "mama" can help. Of course sometimes only your real mama will do.
2. One of the best parts about being at the beach for a month is being with Betsy for a month. I laugh so hard when I am with her. Pee in my pants kind of laughing. If I told you what we were laughing at you would say "Huh?". It's totally the you had to be there, inside joke, kind of laughing.
3. The first couple of trips to the beach include packing every sand toy, wave riding device, umbrella, tent, towel, and on and on. Now we ride bikes with bathing suits on, no cover ups, no towels, one chair for the adult going, and maybe a bucket or boogie board if your lucky. And you know what? The end result is the same. If the kids don't have a shovel they discover they have hands that dig. My favorite part is watching the kids run the expanse of the beach and scream as loud as they can. Sometimes I like to join in. Not really the screaming part because that might cause alarm but the running part for sure.

4. Monday was one of those days. It was a planning the menu for the week and going to the grocery store (15 minutes away) kind of day. All of the kids played in the yard and it was really cute to watch them make "houses" with beach chairs and towels. We didn't go to the beach or have any big energy spending events so when the witching hour hit, it hit hard. People were all up on my nerves. They were all on each other's nerves. I hadn't exercised in a couple of days (OK, more like 5 days) and I had lots of pent up energy too. One hour of extreme frustration had Betsy and me questioning the entire day. What could we have done better? Why didn't we plan more activities? We should have.... The reality was that it was a good day except for an hour. Satan really tries to use that hour to whisper as much self doubt as he can in to our ears. It's nice to have another mom parenting along side you so you can put things in perspective. They don't need us to schedule every hour of every day and they used their imaginations, which I love. The next day we did get moving. I exercised and we got them to the beach to run.

5. I overheard Packy telling Jason, "The music is playing in the kitchen. Somebody is about to start cooking." Dancing and cooking in the kitchen is another great part about Tybee. I love that Packy already knows that music in the kitchen means food is coming.

6. Let your gentleness be evident to all. Philippians 4:5

Lord, help me with this one. My gentleness is lacking. At the exact same time I typed that verse, I told one of my children to get away from me. Is that gentle? Nope. I would venture to say I am not known for my gentleness. I sometimes struggle with showing affection to my big kids. I have to think about it. Put your hands on them and let them know they are loved. Try to do things they want to do. Be affectionate.

7. If you don't know the joy of taking an outside shower at night I hope you can find a place to make that happen. There is just something about looking at the stars while you shower. Reminds me of Eve in the garden before the whole apple eating, sin entering the world, naked and ashamed thing happened. If there is a distant lighting storm, it is even more awesome. Or awesomer, as my kids would say.

8. Betsy and I are considering learning the choreography to the National Dance Day routine. We would, of course, learn the advanced routine since Betsy is a trained dancer. I will be sure to update you on our progress.

9. Are you still checking the God Centered Mom blog? Good stuff. Contentment: the alternative to comparison is amazing. I think we, as women, are constantly comparing others outsides to our insides.

I am trying to rejoice in the Lord, always, as Paul tells me. My inner attitude does not have to reflect my outer circumstances.

10. American Flag Churchwell is still alive but I can not tell you how many minutes of my life I have spent looking for him. Packy doesn't want him to share a cage with the girls' hermit crabs so he puts his in a box. American Flag can crawl out of his box. Then he hides. Last night at 11pm I was on my hands and knees praying that American Flag would reveal himself. God delivered.
11. Even though we are a "village" I will still Mama Bear up on someone. If my kids are blamed and I saw firsthand that it wasn't their fault or if someone is expecting too much from someone, I will defend my cubs. I can fully accept everyone helping guide the children to be more Christ-like but there are times when I just instinctively protect my people. They might think I'm crazy at times, but they know I've got their backs.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-07-12T11:47:00.003-04:00

1. So we have survived the first week. Maybe I should have asked God to work on something else besides loving others. Being at the beach for a month is awesome but let's be honest, it can be hard. We have 3 families, 6 children, 2 dogs, and 4 hermit crabs, all living in a 3 bedroom house. People still have to eat, bath, and sleep. There are lots of different personalities and different expectations all trying to work together. People have different styles of parenting, cooking, and cleaning. I think the thing that is different this year is better communication and a willingness to say "I'm sorry". And I am talking about the adults, not the kids.
2. I don't trust men who wear cologne. Tybee is full of sketchy, too much cologne for the beach, jean short wearing men.

3. Let me tell you about freezer candy. You might cuss me for sharing this but it's just too good to keep to myself. Pre-heat the oven to 400 degrees. Take a cookie sheet and line it with aluminum foil. Get one sleeve of saltines and line them up on the cookie sheet. Now, take 2 sticks of butter and melt them with 1 cup of brown sugar. After they are melted, bring it to a boil for 2 minutes. Pour over the crackers making sure to cover each one. Bake for 7 minutes. Pull it out of the oven and sprinkle one bag of milk chocolate chips on top and as they melt smooth them on top of the crackers. Now pop it in to the freezer for about 30 minutes and then take it out and break them in to pieces. We just put ours in a zip-loc bag and keep it in the freezer. It lasts about one day.

4. Jellyfish- 1 Payton- 0 Sharks teeth count: Payton- 5 Paul- 4 (but his were much bigger in size)

5. Mimi is having art camp. Emory is having cheer camp. Kayaking, bike riding. summer book reading, making ice cream, UNO and more UNO, exploring, cooking, exercising (a little), watching Britney Spears video marathon (OK that was just Betsy and me), and just enjoying being together.

6. This article on Inspire to action article about protecting your children on social media is really good. Such a good reminder that my blog and Facebook is not a place to share my children's struggles. My struggle with them, yes. Do I want them to google their name as a teenager and be embarrassed about what I shared? No. I also want to protect my husband and my marriage. Somethings are better said in private than put as a status just to get some "likes". I am really starting to see the danger of self promotion in our culture.

7. Ephesians 3:17-19 We would have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how high and wide and long and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that we might be filled to the measure of the fullness of God.
This verse is listed as the chief request of our church each week. Requesting that we would know how much Christ loves us. To be honest, this has been really hard for me. As I try to think about how high, wide, long, and deep Christ's love is for me it makes my brain hurt. It's too big. How can he love me like that? How can he know everything I have ever done or ever thought and still love me like that? So then I think, it's nothing I have done that allows him to love me in that big way. It's only because of the death of his son that he can love me and see me as someone precious. But then that turns my brain too because how could Jesus die for me? I took Jay and Josie to the beach the other night and we talked about the sand. God knows how many grains of sand are on the Tybee Island beach. He knows exactly what is in the ocean that stretches out so far that you can't see anything else on the horizon. He is so big and yet so intimate. I can only meditate on that for a short period of time and then I thank God that I don't have to understand it to believe it.
8. Last week I started to edit my blogger profile. Trying to condense who I am in a short paragraph sends me into some serious reflection. I was bored with what it said before and didn't feel like it accurately said what I would want someone visiting my blog to know about me. I hate to ask the rhetorical "Who am I?" question but who I am has changed since I last updated that profile a couple of years ago. I am still a wife, still a mom, still an addict in recovery, but how do they all relate together? I think the way they all relate to each other now is that my relationship with Christ is involved in all of them. I used to have different compartments of who I was and being a Christian was just one of the compartments. I wanted God's help in some areas, but I wanted him to let me have a few areas to handle on my own. If I had to tell you right now what the "silver lining" of my addiction was I would say that God used it to bring me to my knees in order for me to give him my life. All of my life, not just the parts I was willing to give him. (And I do see my addiction as a blessing, not a burden.) So now as I think about my profile, I see my life with a few labels and Christ stamped across all of them.
9. I love seeing the different relationships between the six cousins. Everyone rotates who they play with. Emory is very much into babysitting Lolly. Packy and Josie play great together (most of the time). Jay is a little lost when the men leave but will be happy to ride his bike with someone who is pulling non bike riders. Jay and Josie can sometimes be a good mix as the two that put more thought in to life instead of being carefree. Emory and Hattie could play all day, every day. It's always changing.

10. I am currently babysitting Lolly and American Flag Churchwell whiIe Betsy takes 3 kids on a bike ride. American Flag is the second hermit crab that Packy has had on this trip. Nemo was his first crab and he met an untimely death. It was very traumatic for Packy. He was bringing him to me to see if he was sleeping when Nemo's limp body came out of shell and fell to the ground. Packy's new way of handling things is to run. Forest Gump style. As soon as he realized Nemo was gone he took off, screaming and running. When he stopped running Papa gave him a small tin to put his body in and they had a funeral. All afternoon, he kept digging him back up. When Papa asked him why he kept doing that, he said he wanted to see if Nemo had gone to heaven yet, but he had not. Papa explained that your body doesn't go to heaven, but your soul does. Later that night Josie and Packy had a screaming at the top of their lungs fight about if your body goes to heaven or not. It was a funny fight to listen in on. So back to the crabs. The next day Jason took Packy back to the store where he adopted American Flag Churchwell. He is still kickin'.....at least for today.
Thank you Dad, Jason, and Lee for letting your girls be beach bums for a month. Big thanks to Papa for making it all possible. And of course a big thanks to Mimi for allowing us to turn her relaxing house into a house of crazy. We love you!

Fun on Friday

2011-07-08T08:56:00.001-04:00

Does it get any better than this?

I really tried to get my ten done this week but I am on Tybee time and Tybee time is really slow. The good news is I am ahead for next Tuesday. Everyone is having so much fun and adjusting well to 12 people living in a 3 bedroom house. I can't wait to tell you all about it but for now I can only give you some Lolly love.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-06-28T22:56:00.001-04:00

1. Tide Febreze is my new favorite laundry detergent. I love how it smells. I used to be a Gain person. Sometimes I dry my clothes so many times that they smell burnt and not like detergent at all. I can not stand to fold cold clothes. When I am pregnant I am completely obsessed with smelling cleaning products. I would stick my head in the Gain box and inhale as deep as I could. I also ate soap bubbles and crunched on ice every waking hour. I am not the only one who has this pregnancy affliction. Some people eat dirt. It's called Pica disorder and it comes from an iron deficiency. I don't know why I told you all that. I don't foresee every being pregnant again but I do like the smell of clean laundry.
2. I am currently addicted to Mason jars. Aren't they awesome? I have all different sizes, new and old. They feel so solid and American. Glass is so much more comforting than plastic. And they are really cheap. I am putting everything in them. Leftover chocolate chips, jelly beans, taffy, lighting bugs, cotton balls, pens, and anything else I can find that will fit in them. Little things make me happy.
3. I am trying to love people. I am nice to people but I don't always love them. This is something God has revealed to me during my Philippians study. Paul really had a heart for God's people. He took a genuine interest in their lives. While I am not a mean person (my kids might say different), I don't think I love people like I should. It's easy to love the people that are easy to love, but God wants more than that. So since God has put this on my heart I am putting it to prayer. I can't just will myself to love people but God can change my attitude and heart towards them. This is continuing the process of taking me out of the center and putting God in.
4. When you decide you want/need to get sober (or a group of people tell you to get sober or else), you will probably find yourself in a 12 step meeting. There are 12 actual steps and they are in a certain order for a reason. You are not expected to do all of the steps at once. One step at a time, in order. If anyone was told to do them all at once you would get overwhelmed and probably give up. I think when you become a Christian, God doesn't reveal everything at once. We couldn't handle it. We couldn't deal with the weight of our sin or fully comprehend his love for us. He asks us to come in faith and then he grows that faith. We are continually being shown more ways we can serve him with our lives. (See number 3.)
5. I can not keep up with who need their fingernails or toenails cut in this house. Packy's toenails were starting to curve over the end of his toes and Emory was working toward a Guinness Book record with her fingernails. My personal assistant would be excellent at tasks like this.
6. Seeing your bikini wax-er at the pool is like seeing your Ob Gyn at a party. It's just awkward.
7. Packy put himself to bed last night. Turned on his sound machine, turned off the light, and got under the covers. That has never happened with any of my other children. Ever. They don't mind going to bed but they require a full routine before actually doing it. Packy is OCD in other areas but going to bed is not one of them.
8. I love Mondays. Weekends are hard for me. I feel myself wandering around and trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing. On the weekdays, I know what's happening. I have a routine and I stick to it. Maybe I need a new weekend plan? I also feel ready to go on Monday. I get alot done and usually have lots of energy. I don't know why it's different. Maybe I rested on Sunday? Just sayin' that I really like Mondays.
9. Have you seen the honey badger video narrated by Randall? Look on YouTube. It does have some bad words so consider yourself warned. If you don't think it's funny, your husband will.
10. I survived the second golf tournament weekend in a row. I would like a medal. Jason won his flight (this means actual money, not Pro-Shop credit) and came in 6th overall. This was a real tournament, meaning every shot counts. He is so happy when he is playing good and that makes me happy.

Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that I have this little one (and the rest of her family) with me for the month starting this Friday. I can not wait!

Ten on Tuesday

2011-06-21T13:51:00.002-04:00

(Packy at the pool, talking. Emory and Anna Kate at tennis camp.)

1. It's here. That time is here. I have reached the point in the summer where I have lost all track of time. I don't know what day it is much less the date. I have no idea when I washed my hair last (surely for church?). I have no idea when Packy last had a bath or when the big kids showered. I have started to count the pool as showering. A salt water pool counts for sure. Salt=clean. Everyone is staying up later to watch Wipe-Out and Minute to Win It. (Jason swears he could win Minute to Win It and I believe him. He has lots of strange talents. [RIP Ryan Dunn who we just watched on this show Saturday night.] I love Wipe-Out. Laugh out loud funny.) So that's where we are. By the way, I am still getting up early. Remember...no quiet time, no serenity.

2. For Father's day we made Angry Bird cupcakes. I take no credit for being creative, just a good copier. I found them here. Jason thought they were funny, but declined to eat one. Too much icing and he is more of a Cookies-N- Cream ice cream guy. (Private Selection from Kroger makes an awesome Cookies and Cream with real Oreos. Thank you Katy for the tip.)

3. I survived the Member/Guest golf tournament this weekend, and by weekend I mean Wednesday thru Saturday evening. Sunday, was of course Father's Day and the last day of The U.S. Open where a Macon amateur was really putting his mark on golf so you know what that means. I even attended the cocktail party with Jason on Friday night. I haven't gone to this since I have been sober and swore I would never go, but it was actually nice. And yes, nice is the word I would use. Nothing more, nothing less. Left at 10.

4. I needed the gym by Saturday was so happy to go. Sweating is so good for me mentally and Crossfit is always ready to help me reach this goal. Amazing how good exercise can make you feel, even when it hurts.

5. I have to confess something to you. I totally cracked out on sugar for a couple of days. Total crack binge. Started with the homemade Twix bars (which are too sweet even for me and yet I was still pounding them), and the best chocolate chip cookies (according to the New York times) and some leftover cookie dough, and from there I said forget it (or something along those lines) and just went to town. Sodas, cereal, candy, ice cream, caramel sauce on everything. It was on. Jason came home from some golf related event and wondered what happened (I left everything out on the counter). When it extended in to the next day I knew I was in trouble. I reached my bottom when I made some cake batter, knowing I was not going to make a cake. Scared of raw eggs you might ask? Nope. Been eating them for years. After eating enough to realize I was in trouble, I stopped. I went to the gym. I have started to revere Howard (owner and trainer of North Macon Crossfit) as my healthy lifestyle priest, and I knew I needed confession. After confessing my wayward couple of days, I vowed to return to healthy eating and proceeded to do 2 workouts. He was happy to hear that I had not reached the point of microwaving butter, sugar, and flour together in a coffee mug, again. That is for sure the equivalent to crack in the sugar department; quick and easy. Today I am keeping it in balance. A sweet treat? Of course, but not anymore crazy town days. See my fridge note to myself? (Do you see my Mama Award from Pac?)

6. The other day we were in the car and Packy said, "Mama, sometimes I feel like we are in God's dollhouse and he is moving us all around." I never know what they are thinking when we are riding around.

7. My answer to problems used to be to throw money at them. How many books can I buy? I have a library of parenting books. I need to change everything, but in order to do that I need to buy everything that the book says to buy. If I read a blog where a mom had some creative way she bonded with her kids, then I would buy all of the things she had, but usually never got to the bonding part. Money doesn't solve problems. I am starting to learn that prayer does. When I pray about the problem, it makes me slow down and really think through it. I can then listen for God's answer and feel peace about it. A book does not give you peace. Sometimes the answer might involve spending money in some way, and that's OK. I just have to keep asking myself, Do I come to God first with the problem and wait for his answer or do I seek Him last after I have exhausted my other resources?

8. See Packy's pictures at the top? He DOES NOT STOP TALKING. Ever.

9. I just finished day 2 of Vacation Bible School. Whoa. It has been years since I volunteered to teach at VBS. (I'm not really sure I volunteered this time?!?) I don't know why, but it is draining. My class is ages 2 thru 4 and we have them from 8:45-12:15. Our church has a weekly memory verse and I wonder if it was a coincidence that this week's verse is:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

I think Pastor Hunter knew there would be some weak ladies at the church this week, needing Christ's power.

10. I am totally in love with the God Centered Mom blog. This is how the author Heather describes being a God Centered Mom:

What is a God centered mom?

The center of pride is service to self. To live humbly God must be the center. The goal of this site is to encourage moms to exchange self-centeredness with God-centeredness. Motherhood is hard and it feels like we are always giving and doing for others. However, if we give of ourselves and still expect to be the center the result is constant humiliation and frustration. Instead, if we chose to daily clothe ourselves in humility, by placing God in the center, we are free to serve our families with joy and bring God glory.

Her blog really speaks to me. When I first entered recovery, I was told that the root of my troubles was selfishness and self-centeredness. In order to remain sober, I was going to have to become humble. Her entire blog is about living humbly with God in the center.

These posts are my favorites to date:

Servant of God:Alternative to People Pleaser

Hear the Whisper Wednesday (I totally had the whip and now hope to listen to the whisper.)

and my favorite I have a disease.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-06-14T22:33:00.003-04:00

1. My goal for the summer is to wear the kids out as much as possible. Since it has been 99 degrees everyday since school let out, that means to the pool we go. Things are just better at the pool. They are exercising without knowing it and will do it for hours. My people tend to not be shy at the pool and are happy to hook up with a new friend for the day. Packy is swimming great and will jump off the side and swim over to the steps about a hundred times. He is the only one who still wants me to get in the pool so he can swim to me. He will swim to me and back to the side about a hundred times. See why we are worn out at the end of the day?
2. I have been thinking about contentment lately. Talked about it with a few people. Paul says in Philippians 4:11, " I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." I love that he learned to be content. It's a process. We aren't automatically content. I have had the wants for most of my life. Shoes, cars, jewelry, clothes, and whatever else I came across, I wanted. Today I am grateful for what I have and most of the time, content. Practically this is what I have learned. If I don't see it, I don't want it. How many times have you walked in to a store to buy something you need and then see something you didn't know you needed, but now you have to have it? I don't go to stores very often. Even if it's an awesome sale. I also get absolutely no catalogs (or magazines that are really catalogs) in the mail. I have found that my kid's clothes are fine until I look at the Mini Boden catalog at my mom's house and then I feel like everyone needs new clothes. I don't look at the pictures of a store's new inventory on Facebook or get sale alerts on my email. If I need some new shoes, I know Ashley will have some at Head over Heels, but I don't need them just because she got some super cute new ones in today. Out of sight, out of my wanting mind.
3. This helps me to appreciate what God has blessed me with. I might have an old van with a wonky window but it gets me where I need to go. I am a bad driver and run in to things so I don't think a newer car would even be a good idea for me at this point. I try not to have an "I deserve" attitude because I don't deserve anything. Everything I have was given to me by my heavenly Father and I want to be appreciative for each blessing. If I got what I deserve, I would be living in the gutter, if living at all. I think He wants me to be content, because it shows Him that He is enough. I don't want Him plus all of the Earthly things He can pile in to my garage. Just Him. He is enough for me today.
4. Don't get me wrong. I like the things He has blessed me with. I just have to keep learning to be content, whatever the circumstances.
5. Packy went to a birthday party today for one his very good friends. They had a blow up waterslide. I think he went down the slide no less than 100 times over 2 hours. I am not kidding. He did take a break for cake and ice cream but that was it. He did not stop until his lips turned blue, not from cake. Wear them out. Every day of summer vacation. Thank you Spencer!

6. I did not start eating eggs until a few weeks ago. When I was young my mom would try to make me eat them and I would refuse. One day I was sitting at the table, after everyone else had long finished eating and I was still holding out on my eggs, when my grandfather came over. I told him I did not want to eat my eggs and he said, "Why don't you want to eat them? They are only scrambled birds." That was it. I was grossed out and did not revisit eggs until I was 37. I told my best friend what my grandfather told me and she still does not eat eggs to this day.

7. Egg muffins are the new breakfast stars at our house. There are a ton of recipes but I like to make them with whatever I have in the fridge. I whisk together some eggs, grease my muffin pan, put whatever leftover veggies, sausage, and cheese I have in the muffin holes, pour the eggs on top and then bake for 15 minutes. This helps save time in the morning and I can make different varieties for each person who eats eggs in our house.

8. Now that I have a DVR and a new TV, I swear I watch less television. The only thing I care about watching is So You Think You Can Dance? because I do think I can dance. It may not be good enough for Nigel, but it makes me happy to shake around the house. I really like Kat Deely. She's so tall.

9. Packy and his dad have a tradition of going to the dunk (dump) on Saturday. This past week they had to go because we had a lot of poison naughty (Ivy) that they had to get rid of. I have to threaten Emory if she corrects his speech. Don't teach him the right way to say it! Let my baby stay a baby as long as he can. And if that is wrong, I don't care.

10. Emory tries to say that she doesn't like for me to take her picture, but I know that she does.

*Love this article about Living a Good Story in the Chaos.

*And this one about Becoming a Better Mother.

*And this one on Gratitude:the alternative to grumbling.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-06-07T21:58:00.000-04:00

1. Just got back from Chick-fil-A...in our pajamas. They had a "breakfast at night" special and offered the breakfast menu from 5-8pm. The best part was that it was free if you were in your pajamas. I am cheap, not easily embarrassed, and had nothing to eat, so we went. Jay sleeps in his underwear so he was in a bit of a quandary about what to wear. I told him to just wear my robe. He was OK with that but very concerned that it would come open. He thought I meant just wear your underwear with the robe over it. No dear. You can wear your clothes underneath. There were a few people pushing the limit of appropriate pajamas in public. I had to say REALLY? to myself a few times. (That is one of my favorite phrases and I love that Seth Myers made it a part of the SNL News.)

2. I have decided that if I think someone doesn't have any problems, then I don't know them very well. Everyone has something in their life that they are dealing with. Marriage, kids, extended family, food addiction, drug addiction, disease, pain, worry, guilt, anxiety, and on and on and on. If they have absolutely no problems, then they are ignoring something. God is always bringing us through something. I have found that people I perceived as "having it all" just didn't know me well enough to share their struggles. I no longer think anyone is just floating through life.
3. Jay is in golf camp this week. Emory is in softball camp this week. Jay's camp ends at 1 and Emory's camp starts at 1, and they are 20 minutes away from each other. Do you think this caused me a scheduling headache? Do you think I tried to find a carpool? Nope. I just knew that it would work out. Someone commented to me that when you have 3 (or more) kids you just don't worry about it. So, I told Jay (and his coach) that I would be late every day and that he could just stay at the pool until I got there. No problem.

4. I felt like we slipped in to our Anne Rivers Siddons summer early this year. This happens when I feel like my life is being lived as if it was written in a book. Last night I was reading a book (The Other Boleyn Girl) on the back porch chaise, the kids were playing catch with Jason in the yard, and we heard the sound of an ice cream truck. The kids didn't know what to do. I told them to run to the front yard and flag it down. It was not the ice cream truck I remember chasing. It was more of an ice cream conversion van, but it was clean and the people were very nice. Watching my kids buy their very first ice cream from a truck took me back to my childhood and the 80's. I LOVED the ice cream truck. I loved summer. I still love summer. Even really hot Macon summers.

5. If someone handed you a list of all of your Facebook statuses for the past year, what would it say about you? Just something to think about.
6. We are reading A Praying Life by Paul Miller at our church this summer. It is amazing. He talks about journaling your prayers. I have done this for a long time, and the other day I was reading my prayer journal from a year or so ago. I was amazed at so many answered prayers. So much progress for Jay. (The fact that he is going to golf camp and actually enjoying himself is big and shows lots of progress.) I think if I didn't write them out I wouldn't appreciate all that God has done for me. I forget about the small things I pray about. I might not even realize God has answered a prayer until I go back and read it. I use plain spiral notebooks. No fancy journal. That is just too much pressure for me to make it perfect. It's just a pen and plain paper, me and my God.
7. The day I change sheets is the night Packy pees through his pull up. (Yes, he still wears a pull up at night. He is a drinker, not an eater, and I hate to change sheets.) The morning Jason and I try to get up extra early is the morning we find 1,000 ants in our kitchen. Just have to laugh right?

8. Pinterest makes me so hungry. Last week it was the Samoas. This week...homemade Twix bars. I don't see why not. When I was in New York for Lolly's birth, I somehow switched on my caramel button and I am finding it hard to turn off (thanks a lot Trader Joe's delicious caramel!). (Since I am on a Paleo eating plan, this is only a cheat every now and then. It's not the free for all, eat butter and brown sugar for lunch that I used to exist on. I even feel sick if I eat cereal for dinner. Who knew that my body would really enjoy me giving it good whole food?)

9. I have eaten more fruit in the last two weeks than I probably have in a year. No refined sugar makes me crave fruit and it is so good right now. I think I could live off of watermelon and pineapple. And apples. And grapefruit. And blackberries from Deer Creek Farms. Yummy. Feels like summer.

10. This is the face of the little one who was up and dressed at 6:45 on Saturday morning because Saturday is his favorite day. He is also making this face because he was beating me at checkers due to all of the "jumping" rules that he made up as we went along. He does not stop talking until he goes to sleep. At church on Wednesday night, we played Pictionary, boys against the girls. We alternated between an adult and a kid each round. Packy wanted to draw so badly so I told Jason to let him (he thought he was too little) and help him draw the picture. Jason went up to the board and Packy drew his card. Jason told him what it said and he said, "Daddy, that's an easy one." He went and got his marker and drew the sweetest little cross on the board and some guessed it immediately. The joy on that little face was enough to bring his mom to tears. Enjoy every moment.

Ten on Tuesday (Holiday Style)

2011-06-01T08:34:00.000-04:00

You know how if there is a holiday on Monday, your trash pick up is pushed back a day? I follow that procedure.

1. First day of school, last day of school pictures are my favorite. I always have a BIG sticky note to remind myself. What a year. Notice the new picture spot?

2. Summer is off and running. I made a poster of all the things we wanted to do this summer and we have started crossing things off the list. The New York people flew in for the weekend and we had a family gathering to celebrate my Nana's 90th birthday. All of my cousins (except one, who just moved to Chicago, and whose wife gave birth less than 48 hours after the party) came with their families. My dad's cousin and his family flew in from DC to be the surprise guests. I love spending time with family. Catching up and getting to know each other's kids is so fun. After lunch we had some sharing time and everyone sat in the family room and talked about Nana. It was fun to see the kids really listen and be entertained with stories about their great-grandmother.

3. Don't you love how the pool makes the kids so tired? Mine are asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

4. Jason and I have still been getting up in the morning at our regular time. I am hoping to keep this up because it really helps me to stay on my schedule. If the kids want to sleep late that's fine (as long as they get up in time to get to the gym) but I need to have my quiet time before they get up and the day gets going. I don't think there is a realistic way to "schedule" the summer. I love letting the kids stay up and not feel chained to a bedtime like I do during the school year. I also love spontaneity. Yesterday I was dropping Jay off at a friend's house and got to steal an hour to catch up with my friend, despite the groceries roasting in my car. The point is, if I still get up early then I still make my time with the Lord a priority and I am not trying to fit in in during my day.

5. These two had the best time together. She loves her Packy and only attacks him if it is necessary. This trip he remained scar free.

6. Jason and I have started a Paleo diet. Let me just say that I am not trying to lose weight but make better choices in my food intake. I was up to cereal for two meals a day and if it was a cookie making day then I probably ate a cup of butter. Being on this has forced me to actually eat and think about what I am putting in my body. I also wanted to see if I could actually get off of sugar and I did for about 5 days. I did eat cake at the birthday party and I did make cookies yesterday. The point is to make better choices.

7. I made homemade samoas. You know, the girl scout cookies? They were labor intensive. All day. But they were good. Super sweet.

8. We had a cookout last night. I figured since we worked so hard to get the house ready for the birthday party (thanks Mom, Dad the window cleaner, and Jason), that we should keep enjoying it. We got a new grill and invited some friends over for burgers. This is what summer is all about to me. Being with friends. Kids running around. Good food. And there is nothing better than ending the night with kids catching fireflies.

9. Sometimes I can get disconnected during the summer. I am not running into my friends organically since everyone is on a different summer schedule. I need people so I have to be intentional about connecting. Make the effort to see people. Pick up the phone if the kids are occupied. Invite people to my home. This comes naturally to some people, but not me. I could isolate, but then I get lonely and anxious. Be proactive in your relationships.

10. I am a bad sunscreen applier. To me and my kids. I always have crazy burns where I don't pay attention. I haphazardly apply and then forget to re-apply. If you happen to send your kid to the pool with me remind me to take my time. I would hate to burn your kid.

On My Mind

2011-05-26T08:22:00.000-04:00

When I went to treatment, I was told I needed to put my sobriety before everything. Even before my family. I said NO!. Nothing comes before my family. I was told that was a lie because I had been putting drugs and alcohol before my family for a long time. They said, anything you put before your sobriety, you will lose. Meaning, if you don't stay sober, you are going to lose everything.

I was thinking about this as it relates to my relationship with Christ. When I put things before my relationship with Christ, I don't lose it, but I do deprive myself of the sweetness that comes from walking with Him. I lose the fellowship that He desires for us to have. This isn't easy for me because I get distracted all of the time. Constantly I am catching myself putting some thing or some person before the most important relationship I have. Some of the things that I put before my relationship with Him are Jason, the kids, my appearance, Facebook, my house, TV shows, reading blogs (even inspirational ones) and the list goes on. I wonder how many times God is looking at me saying, "Payton, come spend time with me and quit worrying over wordly, unimportant nonsense. And why do you care what those ladies in New Jersey are doing?"

The only way I can have the joy and peace that He desires is by putting Him first. And He wants me to have joy. (I am currently studying Philippians and Paul is full of joy despite his circumstances.) And He wants me to have peace. So what does "putting Him first" mean? To me, it is not one specific thing. Just like my relationship with Jason is constantly growing and changing, so is my relationship with God. Practically, this is what I strive for. I get up early, before my kids, to spend time studying the Bible. Not a book, but actually picking up my Bible. I also try to journal my prayers, read a devotion, and just talk to my Heavenly Father through out the day. When something is bothering me or I find myself not loving others, I stop and pray about it.

When I am in constant fellowship I am able to examine my heart and my motives. Am I doing this unto the Lord? Am I loving the people God has brought in to my life (when my heart goes unchecked I start judging, not loving, and it is not pretty)?

So, what do you let get in the way of your joy?

Love this post.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-05-24T22:37:00.001-04:00

1. Tomorrow is the last day of school. Yea! (I think.)

2. I am having 33 people at my house this Saturday to celebrate my grandmother's 90th birthday. (Jay was born 2 weeks before her 80th birthday. He can always figure out how old she is by taking his age and adding 80.) My cousins from Alabama and Mississippi and their families are coming, and my New York babies, of course. I am not stressing and totally plan on pulling the "we just moved" card. We might get one picture hung on the wall before Saturday, but probably not. It is about spending time and enjoying the family I don't get to see very often, not what my house looks like.

3. I like your catchy song Rihanna, but I am not prepared to explain S & M to my 10 year old so I have to change the radio station when it comes on.

4. Oprah is killing me. I have been crying for over a week now. Even her last episode commercial, the one that shows all of the other shows ending, makes me tear up. The updates of her favorite guests is really what has been getting me. She knows how to tell someone's story. No matter what you think of her, you can't deny that she has done some amazing things with her life. I will miss her

5. Did you see Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga on SNL? It was really good. He is talented and as much as I don't "get" her she is also very talented. I hate when the SNL hosts don't commit to the skits but JT and Gaga committed. You can tell they are both workaholics. That is one -holic I am not familiar with at all. (I could write this entire ten on TV shows. May sweeps totally pull me in.)

6. It's really too late for me to be writing this.

7. For real, I am going to bed.

8. Check on Thursday.

9. This makes me laugh and if you were here you would have laughed too.

10. This makes me smile.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-05-17T19:16:00.003-04:00

1. How cute is Packy teaching Nana and Ma how to use an iPhone? You know they have no idea what he's doing. I love to see a 4 year old teaching a couple of 90 year olds.
2. I just realized that I have been posting a Ten on Tuesday for a little over one year. The very first time I did it I posted it on Wednesday. Kind of a sign of things to come right?
3. This is a prayer calendar made by a great website called Inspired to Action. It gives you a different thing to pray over your child each day. I am laminating mine. I love to laminate. And I love to pray for my kids.
4. The Christmas miracle is over. My passenger window rolled down and now it won't roll back up. This problem is worse than my ghetto, non- rolling down, driver's side window. Rain in the car is unacceptable. So I took my car to the shop and asked them to fix the passenger side. I can deal with the driver's side.
5. My mom set the bar really high this weekend. She cooked a big meal for my Dad's birthday and it was delicious. Jason had talked to my mom on the phone and he told me she was making something like an Oprah Winfrey dinner but another person's name. What? And then it clicked. An Ina Garten dinner? Yum. I love her and she's not mayonnaise-y like Paula Deen. So we had roasted root vegetables, roasted brussel sprouts, couscous with pine nuts, a pork loin, and some delicious lemon glazed pound cake. That is what I'm talking about. After eating such a delicious dinner I was inspired to cook again. So Monday I made crab cakes and cocktail sauce and a field green salad with warm (and by warm I mean fried) goat cheese and a balsamic vinaigrette. It was good. Really good.
6. Sunday we had nothing to eat after church. It is a goal of mine every week to have Sunday lunch ready. It never happens. So we went to Jeneane's (meat and three restaurant). Jason was already grumpy when we got there. (Sometimes it takes everything you got to get through church with the distractors sitting beside you.) We were seated quickly and even got our food quickly. The problem started when I spilled an entire glass of ice water in my own lap. I was trying to pass Emory her plate and I tipped it. Jason watched it happen in slow motion. I was soaked down to my underpants. What can you do but laugh when you soak yourself? The problem was Packy. He got upset because a couple of drops got on his Croc's. Sometimes when he gets upset it's hard to reign him back in. (This is where Jason started to lose it.) Emory got upset because a couple of drops got on her American Girl doll's dress. Every child cried at some point during the duration of the meal. Jason left with the "why do we take them out to eat....ever?" attitude. I was really at peace. Was it relaxing? No. Was it entertaining for the people around us? Yes.
7. Summer is almost here. I used to have a daydream view of summer. Sleeping in, playing outside, reading books, taking naps. Everyone getting along. Drinking lemonade. The reality is by the second day of summer vacation everyone wants to know what are we going to do now? So now I plan. In June we do some camps. The month of July is Tybee with Betsy and the girls. The first part of August is getting ready to go back to school boot camp. Each day I try to have some kind of plan. Even at the beach. Believe me when I say that my kids can get bored at the beach and of the beach. This summer the plan will include multiplication (3rd grade is hard), journaling, and reading. I will be that mom. Jay has been warned.
8. I love to read. I had dreams of reading to my kids all of the time. The truth is I don't. I started strong with Jay but now I play the too busy card. I was really challenged by someone recently about reading out loud to my kids. Jay and I started last night reading Frindle. Emory read out loud to Packy. (Note to self: You could use the time you waste on the computer to read to your children that will soon be grown.)
9. I am currently re-reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It is so good and inspiring. Read the book and then watch his lecture online. If you can't read it then make sure you watch it. You can watch it here.

10. I had some other things I was going to say but I was just handed this note:

You are so right sweet girl. I should not hurt your heart. I love you so much. And once again, Mama is sorry.

11. I loved James Frey from the beginning. Loved every one of his books. Thought Oprah was way hard on him 5 years ago. Happy to see that she tried to make it right.

Just for Fun

2011-05-14T08:42:00.000-04:00

It makes me happy to see him happy. Today, he was super happy.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-05-10T22:36:00.003-04:00

Ten on Tuesday AKA Ten on Maybe Before 10pm on Tuesday

(If I had my assistant I could probably get this done on time. No one applied. No one.)

1. This fat little baby is 10 today. How did that happen? I remember having him like it was yesterday. I was so blinded by new mother love that I did not even notice the GIANT hematoma on his head. In my eyes, he was perfect. I never knew that this little bundle of joy would teach me how much I needed a Savior. How I can't do it on my own. How much patience I need to do the work that God called me to as a mother. And how the blessing of seeing him grow up would make me happier than anything I had previously experienced.

2. Macon is infested with 13 year cicadas. They have been here a couple of weeks now and I am totally grossed out. First of all it sounds like a car alarm is going off somewhere close and it never stops. The cycle of the 13 year cicada is as follows: 1. Come out of the ground. 2. Shed skin. 3. Sing to attract mates. 4. Mate 5. Lay eggs or Die (males). We are at the singing, mating, dying stage. It is so loud. Packy is starting to notice that some of the cicadas are "stuck together" (ewwww). And our driveway is now a graveyard for male "already done it" cicada bodies. We have made up some games which involve throwing balls up in to the trees to see how many fly out or hitting a branch with a golf club for the same reason. Did I mention they have creepy red eyes?

3. These are some of the parenting phrases I have been using this week:

You are not a bad person. You just made a bad decision and now you have to deal with the consequences. (This helps when people are super dramatic when they get in trouble.)

If it is not inside your hula hoop, you don't need to worry about it.

(Basically this is another way of saying mind your own business. You can be concerned about things happening in your life, but if it is concerning other people (like your other two siblings) then it is outside of your hula hoop. I also like this phrase because it says hula hoop and you know I love my hula hoops.)

4. I gasped loudly today at The Fresh Market. This is a habit of mine that drives Jason crazy. He assumes that a loud gasp automatically means something awful has happened. It doesn't. My gasp can mean something awesome has happened and today that is exactly what it meant. I was walking up the soda isle when I saw a NEW ITEM sign and there were my favorite, previously not sold in Macon, Blenheim ginger ale bottles. I literally was online yesterday contemplating $16 shipping in order to get some of this ginger ale. Lee used to bring it from Charlotte and I would fight to drink them all. I just found out that the Fountain of Juice sold them but now I can buy them myself. Fresh Market now has my favorite taffy (thank you to my sweet friend who knows how much I love the taffy and is even willing to hide it from my kids so I don't have to share) and my favorite ginger ale. Love you Fresh Market! (This ginger ale is not for everyone, it has a kick.)

5. Jay and Emory both let their mouths get them in to trouble this week. Jay used his in anger and said something that got him in to trouble. Emory used hers to say something she didn't know the meaning of and because it was inappropriate, she had to have a sit down talk with her mama. Thankfully, God has a answer to both of these situations.

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

Matthew 5:37

Words are so powerful. I have often used words as a weapon and it's just as bad as actually injuring someone. This verse helps me (and the kids) to remember that I need to mean what I say, don't say something I don't mean, and certainly don't say something if I don't know what it means. And if you let your mouth open too fast, you will have to make right what you said by whatever means necessary.

6. Tamra is really skanking it out. Alex and Sonja are proving to be crazy. And Bethenny really inspires me. If you don't know what I am talking about then go on living your Bravo-less life. (At least I don't watch Y & R anymore.)

7. This is the effort put in to Jay's birthday so far. I made him a birthday sign out of plywood after the kids went to bed and Jason hung it on the school fence at 9 something last night. Today I bought Nutty Buddies for his class and took them to the school. I made him a homemade lasagna for his family party (which was 17 people). The lasagna required two different grocery stores (blessing in disguise with the ginger ale). I got his favorite mint chocolate chip ice-cream and made brownies to go with it for dessert. The smile, that I did not see leave his face all day, was worth it for me. (I also enjoyed the feedback from the labor intensive lasagna. I wondered half way through if I should have just bought a Stouffers. Glad I made the effort.) I hope his Friday party goes this smoothly.

8. If I could review my parenting over the past 10 years (scary thought) I wonder how many times I disciplined because I was inconvenienced. How many times were the kids just getting in the way of what I wanted to do and not really needing correction? How many times did I snap at their childish irresponsibility and claim that they were not being respectful? Things run so much better when I am present enough to know when correction is needed and when I am just tired and people are getting up on my nerves, and yes there is a difference.

9. When Packy jumps on the trampoline he looks like he is going to break his neck every time he does a trick.

10. I often have said to Jason that I think that some reality TV is actually real. And then I observed my kids when a video camera is around. This cleared it all up for me. People do not act like themselves when the camera is rolling. It becomes a show even if it is just some backyard jumping. They start talking weird and narrating what they are doing. I still want to believe a little bit.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-05-03T21:30:00.001-04:00

1. Sunday was Bow Tie Sunday at our church. How cute are these guys? Most of the men at our church wore one if they had one, old and young. The pastor made sure that visitors knew we were not a cult and that you did not have to wear a bow tie to come and worship with us.
2. While Betsy was here, riding around with me, I had a revelation. I need a personal assistant. Someone to make calls for me while I drive, stay in the car with the kids so I can run in and out, hang out with me while I get dressed to go out. You know the drill. I'm sure New York mom's have them. All of the Real Housewives have assistants. It would just make things so much easier. All interested applicants send your resume to my Facebook page.
3. The new house is great. I am starting to feel like it's really mine. One new thing is new bugs. Gone are the Ingleside roaches and it's place are ticks, spiders, beetles, and random bugs I can't identify. I will gladly take these bugs over roaches any day. The ticks are a little yucky because every other day someone has one, but I'm a picker so I can deal. (If you don't know what a picker is, then you aren't one. If you are, you know.) Roaches are the worst. Well, rats really are the worst but I can't start that conversation right now.
4. This weekend was the kick-off to golf tournament season. I was not mentally prepared. I did not take the advice I gave here. By Sunday I was spent and this tournament was a legitimate golf event (meaning not a beer on every hole type tournament, and Jason was home every night). It should have been easy but it wasn't. I kept trying to take a nap and couldn't fall asleep. I wanted to organize all of the stuff in the garage but I got too overwhelmed. I needed a plan and I didn't have one. Next time, plan.
5. I was talking to someone this morning who had one of those mornings. You know, the ones where you feel guilty about sending your kids to school because you lost it with them. I have cried before at how I talked (screamed) to them right before they were about to get out of the car. The guilt is overwhelming. I always want them (Jay) to have the best possible start to the school day. I think one of the best things I can do for my kids is to tell them I messed up. Telling them I am sorry about my behavior and that I need Jesus as much as they do is the only option I have on these occasions. (Maybe even drive back up to the school to let them know this and give them a big hug.)
6. I didn't anticipate a learning curve for walking around the new house but I can not tell you how many times each day someone has tripped or stubbed something. This includes me. I have banged my head on a low ceiling, fell up some stairs and jammed my finger, and crashed my hip into the island. Packy and Emory are right there with me. I guess we haven't learned the flow of the house, depth of the stairs, or when not to bring our heads up too fast. The three of us are bruised up.
7. The jasmine and gardenias are blooming at my house. Gardenias are my favorite and I have always looked for them as a sign if I was looking for a house. This house has tons of gardenia bushes. I didn't even know until the blooms started popping out. God is so in the details.
8. ‎"If you are not in the Word, then you do not have the *luxury* of self-examination." KJ the DJ Love this Kari Jo.
9. During the move process, I got out of my morning routine. I wasn't getting up early, having a quiet time, or reading my Bible. When I get out of my routine spending time with God I start looking at the faults of other people. I loose my compassion and humility and become judgemental. I let other people take up space in my head and worry about things that are none of my beeswax (and since I started reading Facebook again there is a lot of new material I can over think). Basically, I lose my serenity. Guess who got up early today and had a much better day? Starting my day with the Lord is always better than not.
10. I am really excited about my cousin John and his wife Janet's new project. They are building a community organic garden at our church. Families will be able to help with the garden and benefit from the results. Janet said she really wants children to know where food comes from. I love that. Food does not come from the grocery store in case you were wondering. Another member of our church owns Deer Creek Farms in Forsyth (look him up on Facebook) and he has the BEST strawberries ever. An afternoon picking strawberries is a good activity for any kid.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-04-26T21:46:00.000-04:00

1. Jason told them to walk the dogs until he said to stop. No other instructions. Lazy? Yes. Inventive? Yes.

2. My New York babies are all gone and I miss them already. We had such a good time. I let the house stuff go so I could enjoy holding Lolly. Does it matter that my garage is full of junk that I need to unpack? Nope. I think I lived in the Birdhouse for over a year before I hung a single picture. We were living in the moment. I think I only had to be reminded to do this one time when I started to stress. Holding Lolly is so much more fun than organizing platters that I got as a wedding present and have never used in 14 years.

3. My parents were in Spain the entire time Betsy was here (actually until today). They didn't overlap even a day. Betsy and I learned that we can do things without my Mom. I'm not kidding. I am just now learning to make major decisions without my Mom's approval. I never trusted my own style or taste (I still don't in the clothing department) so this new house is new ground for me. Instead of asking for my Mom's approval I am asking for her opinion. Does that make sense? I don't need her to like it, for me to like it. My Mom is a great decorator and I still appreciate her help, but I like that I am coming to a place that I can trust my own instincts. And if I make a mistake, it's my mistake. Live and learn.

4. One thing that did not happen while my Mom was gone was Easter lunch. I took Betsy and crew to the airport Saturday morning, had Jason's Dad's birthday lunch, his brother and family over after swinging by a nephew's baseball game, took Emory to a doctor friend at 8:30pm after she slid in to her bed and busted her head open, and then went to Wal-Mart (made me feel better that it was packed with other last minute people) and Kohl's at 10:30pm to fill Easter baskets (is that a run on sentence?). I was tired. Cooking was out of the question. My Mom is the glue that holds my extended family together so in her absence nothing was planned. No glue, no Easter lunch. So we went to the Waffle House after church and it was good.

5. I don't take my kids to the doctor. Something has to be falling off for me to go to the emergency room. Jay dropped an iron, that was on, on his foot when he was barely walking. We ran cold water on it. Scar on his foot, no big deal. (He also has the Dylan McKay eyebrow surfing scar but he got it when he fell out of the bed.) When Emory was barely walking, Jay pulled her off the bed by her feet and she hit her head on the floor. Her eyes rolled back for a second. I am pretty sure she had a concussion. After a minute, she could walk and talk so we decided she was fine. Saturday night the kids were running in the hall. We told them to get in their beds. They were still running in the hall. Emory was running in socks. And that resulted in a crash and a busted head. She was screaming until she saw the blood. Then she was horror movie screaming. When I cleaned it up, I knew that too much flesh was showing. Even for me. Before heading off to the doc-in-the-box on Easter Eve, I made a call, which resulted in another call, which resulted in a house call. A nice doctor husband of one of my friends glued her right up. It was the best thing that had happened to me all day. Thank you super nice doctor and your awesome wife! (She really liked the attention she got for her busted head.)

6. So Facebook is back on. I can't say that I totally gave it up but I gave up about 90% of it. I didn't read the feed or randomly look at people's pages for hours. It was good for me. I did pray for Jay. I also learned that I really like Facebook. I like the movie, the MS NBC special about it, and the actual website. No shame.

7. Live and let live. Sounds simple right? But what if you don't like how other people are living their lives? What if you think they are making bad decisions? What if I think I can fix it and them? Live and let live. Everyone has their own journey in life and if they make mistakes, they can learn from them. I have learned tons from my mistakes. Live and let live.

8. This makes me so happy.

9. Jay has smiled a lot lately. He did 2 hours worth of homework (sitting right beside me) and managed to keep a pretty good attitude. I have managed to remain calm with him (for the most part) and talk him through situations that are overwhelming him. It's been good with Jay. Now Emory and Packy are another story. Why is it that when one kid has a good week the other two have to show out? No rest for a Mom trying her best. Can you feel me?

10. The Birdhouse will no longer be mine as of this Saturday. All that's left there now are some Goodwill boxes, random items I have yet to box, and a basketball goal. It looks sad. On the other hand, the new house has life. Lots of loud, crazy life.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-04-19T22:26:00.000-04:00

1. We are in the house. Yea! We have spent 4 nights (we only had one layover night at my mom's and that is pretty good for us) here and it just keeps getting better. It is starting to feel like home. The problem now is all of the stuff we still have at the old house. We have a ton of non-essential items to move and lots to clean. Next Friday is the day we hand over the keys. Good bye old house!

2. What is the first thing a man buys when he gets a new house? A new television, of course. So we got ours. I met Jason at Best Buy and he showed me the one he liked. He also introduced me to the Direct TV guy that had him sold on Direct TV. He told me about all of the great channels, the DVR, the free upgrades, and how it was going to be cheaper than Cox. But what about the satellite? He assured us that it was small and that no one would really notice it. Factor in the Best Buy gift card that you get when you sign up for Direct TV and buy a TV on the same day and we were signing up. Later that night, at exactly 2:30am, I woke up in a cold sweat. What if the people in our new neighborhood hate our giant satellite? What if it is against a covenant and we didn't know it and now we are locked in to a 2 year contract? Did I sell out just because I really want a DVR? After an hour, I went back to sleep. The day the technician arrived to install the satellite I was at peace and ready to enjoy my DVR. He walked around the house and came back and said "it won't work". What do you mean it won't work? He said we have way too many tall trees and that unless he puts it in the middle of the front yard, it won't work. So off he went. And although I was irritated with the salesman, because he sold us (and really lied about some stuff), I breathed a sigh of relief because I would not have a satellite attached to my new house. (Disclaimer: I, in no way, have anything against Direct TV or satellites on houses.) Thank you God.

3. Jason did go to Cox and get a DVR. We are in business. I like TV and I am not afraid to say it out loud. Sorry. (Jason really wanted to get the Palladia channel or else I don't know if he would have gone to the Cox office.)

4. I have never known Emory to be a baby person but she is in love with Baby Lolly. She wants to hold her every chance she can and if someone else has her, Emory is right up in their face. The sweet thing is that Lolly loves her too. She smiles and "talks" to her.

5. Moving is crazy. Having my sister here with all 3 of her kids is crazy. My mom not being here to help is crazy. These are a couple of quotes from my mouth this week:

Jason, you have to come to Papa Johns and pay for the pizza. I think I threw my wallet away at the Atlanta airport. (I found it.)

Mom, did you know the truck doesn't have break lights? Packy and I are pulled over, pray for a warning. (I did get a warning and a police escort to my house to make sure I parked it until the lights were fixed. Packy was worried I was going to jail. I often threaten the kids that if they don't behave in the car or sit correctly, I will go to jail. He was very quiet and still.)

6. See Emory's picture? That is how I see her 95% of the time these days. She can't do anything without a cartwheel first. I talk to her fanny all of the time. It drives me crazy most of the time.

7. I know children get spring fever but is it OK if I have it? I am over school. I don't want to do homework. I certainly don't want to do projects. I am ready for sleeping in and beach time. Come on summer!

8. We had our pastor bless our house tonight. He read this:

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

9. Today, I have been sober 2 years. So grateful. So thankful. So happy to be living this life.

10. Today, I have been married 14 years. So grateful. So thankful. So in love.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-04-13T10:24:00.001-04:00

1. Moving day is Thursday! This means the movers will come and take our washer/dryer, refrigerators, and china cabinet. We have already moved the beds and are sleeping on mattresses on the floor. This is very exciting and very stressful. Jason has basically made painting and moving his after work job for weeks. This means I have been a single mom. I have great respect for single moms because I am about to lose my mind. This is the fourth time we have moved in our almost 14 years of marriage. Each time we have more stuff and more kids. I forgot how hard it is to cook when you are moving. I am typing this at my mom's house and she is cooking dinner. All of the kids are playing in the back of the truck in the driveway (Jay is watching SpongeBob). I am tired.
2. The toys in my house are shaking in their boots. They get fearful when all of the kids go to Tybee but they are really feeling the heat now. If they don't have some kind of function or emotional significance they don't stand a chance of making it to the new house. I am by no means a minimalist but I recognize that my family has way too much stuff and stuff suffocates me. So if you haven't been used in a few months, you are expired, or I registered for you at Belk's in 1996, you are probably going into the Goodwill pile that is growing behind the couch.
3. Last week I had metal on metal grinding resulting in a new rotor and new brake pads, I lost my phone (and you know I don't have an upgrade until the end of the summer), and Jason had his debit card number lifted from someone in Athens. Stop. Breathe. Keep moving. These are just life annoyances, not tragedies.
4. I went to Atlanta on Saturday to continue my credenza search. After looking at a great store in Decatur and another in Virginia Highlands and coming up empty handed I went back to the first store I went to a month ago. The first credenza that I really liked was still there (I already knew it would be because I obsessively looked at it online) and after staring at it for about 10 minutes the lady asked me if I was OK. I told her that I was not OK. She gave me the old "let me see what i can do" and after a 15% discount she loaded the credenza up and put it in my car. I am so relieved that the search is over. If you come over to my house and see the credenza and wonder to yourself how I could put so much effort into it, just bite your tongue or fake it. I love it.
5. After my big credenza purchase, I went to IKEA. IKEA on Saturday is crazy busy. I had a list so I wasn't totally lost but this place is big. I made the mistake of being hungry when I got there and went straight to the cafeteria. Big mistake. Swedish meatballs, mac and cheese, and chocolate mousse cake sounded so good. And don't let me forget the Mountain Dew. (Mountain Dew? I haven't had one of those in a couple of years but I needed a soda and all they carry is Pepsi products. I hate Pepsi and all of their products.) So I woofed down the food eating a bite of each item (including the cake) and drinking some Dew each round until I knew it not the best move. I don't really like shopping. It makes me anxious. Driving around Atlanta by myself also makes me anxious. Anxious, adrenaline rush, and Swedish meatballs are a bad mix. I survived but I was in pain.
6. The other reason I was in Atlanta was to pick up mom and Josie. She is here and she is having so much fun playing with the big kids. Only one recorded injury. She learned quickly that my people fight back.
7. I am totally out of my routine but I am doing the best I can. I need spiritual, physical, and emotional feeding every day and since I haven't had it in a few weeks I am hanging on by a thread. (Really, i am close to bat s&*% crazy but I am trying really hard to keep it together.)
8. I happy that TLC's line up has Extreme Hoarding following Extreme Couponing. There really is a fine line separating these two groups of people. The couponers are super organized but still a tad on the crazy side when it comes to stuff. I don't want so many groceries that I have to keep them in my closet with my clothes. I also don't want to spend 5 hours at the grocery store and come home with 62 bottles of mustard. It would take me a lifetime to eat that much and mustard is my favorite condiment. A great deal is great but these people spend way too much time planning how to get some free shampoo. I'd rather just buy it.

9. I am trying really hard to not have "new house, new life" expectations. In my head, our new house means I will be super organized, our kids will be super neat, and everyone will get along. Ha! The problem with that scenario is that we are taking US with us to the new house. Us are the problem. So, I can appreciate a fresh start, some serious spring cleaning, but I know that a new location is not a magic solution to all of our struggles.
10. Along those lines, I have decided that my kids would fight over a piece of dog poop. The sibling rivalry ramps up when a cousin is around, She played with her longer than me. She sat by her last time. This is in addition to our usual fighting over who looked at me too long, who laughed when anything happened, who went in my room, and on and on and on. And then there are the games. Whoever touches ________ first wins is the game that makes me want to run down the road waving a surrender flag while crying and screaming. I have totally banned the copying game because that can send me into a rage. My people know if they copy, they are asking for it. The school sent home some helpful hints last week to deal with sibling rivalry. Thanks. Here is another situation that I have to realize is a process. One day they will love each other. One day they will want to hang out together. One day they will appreciate that God put together the family He wanted just for them. Won't they?

Ten on Tuesday

2011-04-05T18:16:00.008-04:00

If I wrote this yesterday or even early this morning it would have been so different.

1. I went to meet a painter at 9:30 this morning. He didn't get there until after 11:15. I had already left after timing his last "be there in 10 minutes" and not being there. I was almost home when Jason called and said he was there. I was angry. Betsy was going to The View today and I really wanted to watch it. I let the painter in (without the tongue lashing I had told Jason I was going to give him) and when I got back in the car my phone was blowing up. I saw your sister on TV with Whoopi. What? I missed it. I told her I wanted her to do that (an audience member always introduces the next guest) but had no idea that she was actually going to get to. Beyond anger is what I felt. I did some crying and some screaming (actual screaming) in my car. I knew that I was going to see it, but the live moment was gone and I missed it. So here it is and I am over it. With painters, you get what you pay for and I am super cheap. (Press the triangle to play.)

2. Speaking of my car, it is a rolling trash can. I don't care that it is old, but every time I clean it out, it is full of trash the next day. I do care that my driver's side window does not roll down. I am so ghetto in the Chick-fil-A and Starbucks drive-thru. Drive in, hang out the door. The Chick-fil-A people get irritated because they can't hear me when I am asking for ketchup thru the crack in my door. I can't be the only person whose window won't roll down in Macon, right? The thing is, it won't work for a while and then I get a Christmas miracle, and it's fine. Seeing as how I hate to spend money on things like car windows, you can catch me rollin' ghetto at a drive-thru near you. (This also explains why I don't roll down my window to talk to you if we are in a parking lot.)

3. Someone who just started reading my blog said that they used to think I was "laid back" until they read this. They said they had no idea how I stressed over stuff. I would hate for anyone to think that I am constantly stressed out. I promise I'm not. I have never sweat the small stuff and still don't. I do stress over my children and sometimes situations are just stressful. There is a difference in stress and worry. There is a misconception about being laid back. Even the most laid back people have to deal with life. I was once so laid back that it turned into not caring, and then to emotionally numb (chemically laid back=rehab). Now I deal with each situation and part of dealing with them is this blog. I didn't exactly intend for it to become this but it is working for me. Writing things down removes the power they have over me. I can deal with a stressful situation, share it with you, and move on.

4. By the way, people always talk about how laid back Jason is. Jason also has to deal with real life and is not as laid back as he appears.

5. I hate loose paper but I always surround myself with notebooks. If I don't write it down, it's gone. Currently I have a grocery list, Netflix list, Ikea list, stuff for Tony (our awesome handyman) list, everything I want to buy for the house list, a notebook for journaling, a notebook for taking notes at church, and a daily to-do list. Can you tell why I blog a Ten on Tuesday? I think in list form. (I won't even start with my pen obsession. If you have a good one and I am around, keep it close. Just ask my Dad.)

6. Love HGTV especially Sarah's House and Secrets from a Stylist. Hate Design on a Dime.

Love Moon Sand (except for the sand everywhere). Hate play-doh.

Love So You Think You Can Dance. Hate Dancing With the Stars (which is odd because I love stars.)

7. My local Benjamin Moore guy and I have gotten quite close these past few weeks. I like to visit him about every other day. I never buy enough white and you would not believe how many different greys there are (blue, green. brown....I often leave the store cross-eyed). One day last week I grabbed another gallon of my favorite white and somehow knocked over another can. I heard Benji yell "Did you bust it?" just as I looked down at the giant white puddle of paint at my feet. Embarrassed does not even cover it. I wasn't the only customer in the store and I got tons of reassurance that "it happens" but OMG. What a mess! Let me just say that Benji is awesome and I love Warno-Cam.

8. When I was little my mom left me in the car (remind me to tell you about my run in with a policeman when I left Jay and Emory in the car) while she went into Warno-Cam. The guy who was mixing the paint asked who was driving the Audi that was rolling into the middle of Ingleside Avenue. It was me playing in my mom's car. I have a long history with Warno-Cam and would never go to another paint store. Loyalty is one of my strong points.

9. My kids love to play in my parent's red truck. We have had it at our house (since we started the never ending moving process) and they love to get in the back and pretend. Yesterday Jay wanted to play warship with Packy in the back. Emory wanted to play too and agreed to be the cook. I wanted to take pictures. What ended up happening is that I ruined Jay's game. Emory decided not to be a cook but a model in the war. Jay could not take a model being in the war. He was so frustrated. See the pictures below. Notice the salute? Remember she was a war model.

10. Betsy usually proof-reads this for me but she is so busy with her agent that I am going to have to publish without her approval.

The Cabbage Patch kid will be here for a couple of weeks so watch out for her. Like for real....watch out.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-03-29T07:41:00.003-04:00

1. For the last 5 days I have obsessively watched a mid-century modern credenza on EBay. I have been looking for one for a while now. Mom and I have been to Atlanta and I have scoured Craigslist, EBay, and every mid-century dealer I could find online for hours. So last week I found the perfect one. The right shape, length, color, price.....perfect. No one bid on it for 5 days and I could feel the victory of "winning" this piece to put my new TV on (We have decided to purchase our first flat screen for the new house. We have all tube TVs and our "family" one weighs at least 500 pounds. Technology is not where we spend our money. Try not to gasp.) So last night was the big night. I signed in and watched it tick down to 5 minutes, the time I had decided to bid. All is good. Jason and I watch it tick down to one minute and he starts playing some count down music on the guitar (ugh). 10 seconds. Then at 5 seconds my bid is replaced by someone else, $10 more than my max price and it's over. I lost. My heart sank. I wanted to scream but I didn't. I went to bed. So here was my thought process. If I am to believe that God is sovereign over everything then that includes my EBay bid. So it wasn't supposed to be mine for some reason. Maybe there is a better one out there for me. Does God want me to trust him with my big decisions and my little ones? Yes. (Jason is disappointed because now he knows I will keep looking for hours.)

2. It's spring break! I really see no spring because it is cold and rainy. But, I have discovered something I enjoy doing with my older kids.....tween movies! Jason's mom always took Jay and Emory to see cartoon movies so I never really did. I don't like to watch them at home because if I am at home I want to be doing something (or watching Bravo). So Friday we went to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Rodrick Rules (the only books Jay has willingly read). I laughed out loud. So between the Justin Beiber movie and this one, I have decided tween movies (G or PG only) might be a way for me to do something with just my big kids.

3. I am trying to hold it together with the "slow move". Everyday someone asks me when I am moving. Now, is usually my reply. I have just enough to do at both houses that I can feel a little overwhelmed at times. Someone reminded me that when it's May, I will be at the new house and this time will be over. Right. Why stress just to stress?

4. Yesterday, I found out that someone I went to meetings with died of the disease of addiction. This person was my age and I sat next to them several times over the last year. It is always hard for me to hear when someone dies, and I have heard it many times during the 2 years I have been sober. I don't know if people understand that people really do die from addiction. Believe me they do. It once again makes me thankful that God opened my ears to hear what people were telling me I needed to do 2 years ago and that he opened my heart and mind to believe them. I believe, honestly, that if I had not gotten sober I would not be alive today. My days were numbered on the path I was on. Thank you God for giving me a second chance at life!

5. I am up early for spring break. I have that nervous butterfly stomach. Not because I am going anywhere, but my kids are. Mom is taking them to the beach (which will be cold and rainy) and I have a few days to bust it. How awesome is my mom? So, I got up early to do this list so that I can be productive all day. This list actually takes me a while to do.

6. Sunday, Hunter preached on Ephesian 6:1-4. It's the "children obey your parents" verse. Jay and Emory sit in big church and this is never a relaxing time for me. Gone are the days when I could just sit and enjoy the sermon. Now I have gum chewing, feet tapping, fidgeting, "how much longer?" people sitting next to me. But, I thought this week would be great because Hunter was talking to them. Maybe this would be the breakthrough I was looking for. Maybe they would listen intently. Maybe they would get it. Nope. The main points were that we should train our children to obey what we say, when we say it, and with a good attitude. My children were not doing any of these DURING THE SERMON. I was stressed when I left. A follow up call (to check on me) by the preacher's wife, who is my sweet friend, reminded me that we are training them to do these things. Training is a process, not a one time and you get it deal. She also reminded me that the most important thing that we as parents can do for our kids is love each other. When kids know that their parents love each other, they have a security that helps them deal with the other parts of life. (Listen to the sermon here.)

7. I miss LOST.

8. Emory and Packy are in full on show mode. Music, dancing, acting, jump roping...they do it all. I don't mine watching the first act of these shows but when it reaches the 10 minute mark and they start making it up as they go along, I'm over it. I used to make up shows with my cousin when I was little. I still remember all of the planning we put in to each act and how excited we were to show my grandparents. The pictures are from one of the most recent shows. (Shows are not really Jay's thing, but every once in a while he will have a part. Ususally the "crazy" person. Mmm hmmm.)

9. On Sunday I was packing and watching a marathon of Hoarders:Buried Alive on TLC. Want to know how to get rid of all the excess junk you have? All of the things you keep just to keep, but don't really need? Watch a show about hoarding over and over while you are moving. Thank you TLC. My yardsale/Goodwill pile is huge right now.

10. I give up on making these pictures in a row. Pictures from the show....

Ten on Tuesday

2011-03-22T21:55:00.001-04:00

1. It's spring. This is what I love. Warm weather and front yard playing. Packy is quite the tag player. What he lacks in speed he makes up for in determination. Look at that face. He is seizing the moment he spots her with her back turned.

2. According to my sister, I am in full house obsession mode. I don't think so. I mean maybe I am, but can you blame me? I am moving and I want to paint every room before we move in. I am color challenged. My current house is white. As in we painted every single interior room and hall white (kitchen, bedrooms, bathroom, everything). It's been like this for a few years so color is new to me. I love my all white house and alot of my new house will be white too. It's so fresh and clean. I am trying to only do things at the new house that I LOVE, not things that will do.

3. I wanted a church pew for my mudroom so I started looking on eBay. Jason mentioned that he thought his parents had one so I inquired. They did. They have one that was Jason's grandparent's from their church. When the church was remodeled they sold the pews to the members. This was their actual pew that they sat in. His grandparents died a few years after we got married. Since Jason's parents weren't using it, it lives at my new house now. I love furniture that has meaning. Since most of my furniture is a hand me down from somebody, it has a story.

4. More pictures.

5. I took Packy to Nana Cable's assisted living home to visit today. He was shy and was whispering when people were talking to him. I told him he need to talk louder because they couldn't hear him. So he said very loudly, "Why can't old people hear?". They thought it was funny (except Nana because she didn't hear him).
6. Is anyone else overwhelmed with the switching the clothes for the kids because it's officially a new season job? It is rough over here. I was happy to figure out that because of my sweet friends who hand down clothes that Jay is the only one who really needs anything. Yea!

7. I love evening sun pictures. If you swing by in the late afternoon I would love to take your picture. My only problem is that my own children are so dirty during this beautiful time of day. Pretty picture, dirty mouth.

8.Keeping it light this week right? Well I did learn a lesson this week but it's a little too personal to put out there for the world. I did have to use some tools....spiritual and sobriety. Anxiety is a beast but I ran it to the ground with the help of Keisha and Rihanna via my iPod.
9. Jason is not really a "fix it" guy but he is one heck of a painter. Let me just take this opportunity to thank him. He agreed to paint every room in our new house, not because it needed to be painted, but so I could make it my own. I love that man (who is painting right now at 9:43 pm).
10. I leaned on a few of you pretty hard this week. Thank you for holding me up. Someone suggested adding to my prayers to receive my validation from Christ and not people or things. I have prayed this for my children for years, that they would not look to their friends for security, but to their maker. Sometimes we just need to be reminded.
(This week is dedicated to Keena, David Mac, and Dana the birthday girl. No reason other than it's my blog, I saw all of you today, and cuz I want to.)

Ten on Tuesday

2011-03-15T13:59:00.002-04:00

1. I did give up Facebook for lent. It wasn't my idea but I liked the sound of it. I waste alot of time on Facebook. You know the drill....you look at something interesting on your news feed and an hour later you are looking at the girl who moved in 2nd grade's pictures of her trip to Disney World. Is this really making the most of my time? So, I liked the idea of giving it up for 40 days and replacing that time with something with more of an eternal perspective. I don't have anything against Facebook, so don't get me wrong. That being said, I did look at it on my birthday, which was yesterday. Facebook is fun on your birthday (you know it) and since I am not under any law to not look at it, I did. (Thank you for my birthday wishes!) (Also, Jason is checking my mail on FB just in case I get a message I need to answer in a timely matter.)

2. Packy quit sucking his thumb. On his own. He may be the only person in our family to have self-control. He went to the dentist about 6 months ago and they told him he needed to stop. He said no. We told him he needed to stop. He told us no. He was never an all day sucker. Usually just at night. The last time we had a thunderstorm he got in the bed with me, but he wasn't sleeping. I told him to put his thumb in his mouth and go to sleep. He looked at me and said, "Mama, I don't suck my thumb anymore. I don't want my teeth to stick out." Sweet baby. I don't know if he is self conscience about his teeth (because they do stick out) or if he just decided it was time. Either way, he made up his mind and quit. This is the kind of resolve that most of the adults in my family just don't have.

3. Guess what Jason got me for my birthday? A Panini maker! He actually surprised me and I am so excited. Lee (Betsy's husband) made some awesome combinations when I was visiting a couple of weeks ago and I can't wait to copy them. Goat cheese, fig, and prosciutto? Arugula, mozzarella, and tomato? Nutella and banana (not for me because I don't do bananas)? I might just have to have a Panini party!

4. I had a parent/teacher conference yesterday and did not cry. That is progress! On the days I remember that God has a plan for Jay (just like He does for me) and that I am not in control of His plan for Jay, then I have peace. I get frustrated when I put my plan for Jay first. It's one thing to accept that God has a plan for your life, but it is a totally different thing to accept that He has one for your kids. I know that as a mom I really want to control what happens to my kids.

5. Packy went to school today in all navy blue. Navy blue pants and a Christmas navy blue shirt. He got dressed all by himself. Since he is my third child, I know that it does not matter if he wears something to school that I think is ridiculous. And, that if I made him change after all of the effort he put in to getting dressed it would crush his small victory. Plus, navy blue is my signature color. I love navy. I just painted my new dining room navy and I LOVE it. So, off to school in his all navy outfit he went and nobody cared. Don't sweat the small stuff.

6. The house is coming along. We (meaning Jason, his dad, and my dad) have been painting a few nights a week and on the weekend. I have been loading up my van with as much stuff as I can each day and taking it over. On my birthday Jason and I moved my dining room table and buffet. Yes, I moved it. In case you didn't know I do cross-fit and I am really strong. Like really strong. Thanks Howard.

7. Last Friday Packy went to Scott's in Atlanta with my mom and me. All day. He shopped until he dropped. Actually, he played on Mimi's iPhone. He is an iPhone master. He played cupcake, donut, nacho, pizza, cookie, cake, Christmas dinner, race car, motorcycle, and pie maker. He made lots of stuff. After he would make a couple of whatever he was making he would delete the game and ask to download a new game. I had to enter her password each time so I knew the games were free. Yesterday he spent a couple of hours at Mimi's and this morning I got a call from her after she received a $44 itunes bill. I don't know how, but he went to town on her phone and bought 16 games. The itunes people were very nice to refund her money after she explained that a 4 year old bought the games, not her.

8. Still trying to get used to my new camera. It is a heavy camera and I don't have all of my setting exactly like I want yet. It does make the sweetest sound when it clicks. A good, solid clicking sound. Music to my ears. I love it.

9. Emory's teeth have all fallen out in a month. See the pictures above. On another note, Emory learned a good lesson in disappointment this week. She really wanted a solo part in the grandparent's production at school. She tried out and didn't get it, but 3 of her good friends did. She is not the strongest singer but she has all the confidence in the world. I'm sure she belted out that song as loud as she could. She was very upset about not getting the part. Lots of tears at school and at home. This was a "teaching moment". I told her that God's will is perfect. I explained that sometimes what we want does not happen, but that it is still part of God's plan. She seemed to get it. She could trust God that He has a perfect plan for her even if it wasn't how she planned it. She did get a speaking part so she resolved to do the best she could do with her lines and has been practicing everyday since. Different children, different issues. Emory is never afraid to try so she might get disappointed more than the other child, who won't try because he is scared to fail.

10. Packy has so many faces. Happy, sad, mad, surprised, scared. See above. Can you guess which emotion he is acting out? The big picture is the last one I took. That's the face that says "I am done."

Guess who got a new camera?

2011-03-11T09:08:00.001-05:00

And guess who has a son that is 9 going on 18?
Update: That is a collar stay in his mouth. Nothing else.

Lent

2011-03-10T15:37:00.000-05:00

For lent I gave up Facebook.
In place of the time I spent on Facebook, I will pray, mainly for Jay, and work deeper on my BSF study of Isaiah.

Ten on Tuesday

2011-03-08T17:05:00.000-05:00

1. Emory is 8. See her shirt? It's Justin Beiber. We went to see his movie for her birthday. It was really good. Even if you don't like him, it was a well done documentary and it will make you like him more than you did. It makes you appreciate his talent (plays the guitar and drums as well as sings) and the fact that he did not need the "Disney machine" behind him in order for him to blow up. He has an interesting story and it was touching. (Yes, I did just dedicate one of my posts to Justin Beiber. I like him. I danced in my chair during the movie. Deal with it.)
2. This has been a hard Jay week. Nothing specific, just tough. It is really hard to focus on development and not the immediate end result. I want to explain something to him and him to get it. After a few minutes of explaining something I feel is really serious, he looks at me and asks if I want to play Mad Libs. No, I don't want to play! I want you to get what I am telling you. How can I expect him to get it when it took me forever to? Pray, pray, pray. And then pray some more.
3. New York living. It's a bit of a hassle. You (meaning Betsy, since that is my reference point), do tend to stay in your neighborhood. She lives on the west side, meaning west of Central Park. Her school, grocery store, and anything else she needs are within walking distance. She goes to BSF on the east side so she usually takes a cab. The grocery stores are funny. Funny to me. They are small and crowded. Trader Joe's is awesome but when I went, it was cart-to-cart traffic. The next problem is getting the groceries home. Cab? Stuff it all in the basket of your stroller? Bus? She can only buy for a couple of days because her kitchen is too small to stock up for the week. Lucky for Betsy, her husband likes to grocery shop and she can get all of her essentials at Duane Reade (drug store). Essentials like cake mix to hide in the back of her cabinets (until her sister comes, finds it, and eats it all).
4. Charlie Sheen. I can't stop watching. He is so sick. At first it made me laugh and Packy and I still like to say "Duh, winning" but it is really so sad. Sad, that when you are in your disease you can't see it but everyone else can. Sad, that he really believes the things he is saying. Sad, that he has children and they will suffer too. Been there. Done that. Happy to be in recovery (and also happy that my crazy wasn't on the news).
5. I ordered my new camera. Super duper excited. For real. Expect big things. Maybe even pictures posted on days other than Tuesday!
6. I really enjoyed this post on the Creative Mama (the first half). How many of us "lose" ourselves in our 30's? We start being defined by our roles and lose our core. We try to be who we think people want us to be, or be like people we think we should be like. It is exhausting trying to be other people. I am happy to be comfortable today with me, just as I am.
7. Lately I have been very encouraged by other women. I know I have said that before but I forget how important connecting with other women is to my life. Someone at the gym really made me feel better with just a quick comment when I was really stressing about Jay. Nothing earth shattering. Just a quick word of encouragement from someone who understands a child that takes more effort than the "regular" (ha ha) child. That really helped. I want to be aware of situations where God can use me to encourage others.
8. How cute is this? Another friend from the gym gave me this to take to my new house. I was actually thinking about how I was going to transition from my birdhouse to the new house. I even thought about changing the name of my blog. Now I don't have to. I can take my birdhouse with me. How thoughtful!

9. Jay is reading. Huh? It is really interesting. He really like those Diary of a Wimpy Kid books and will give up after school playground time to sit in the car and read. That is so me. When I read a good book I can not stop. He has never enjoyed reading so watching him really love it makes me so happy. Now, after he finishes these books, any suggestions on another series?
10. Still trying to be aware. Praying for awareness. Where is God trying to use me in a big way, or a small way? He uses us. We just have to be aware.

Surprise it's Friday

2011-03-04T06:46:00.001-05:00

If you only knew how many times I have pulled up this site and thought I just can't do it right now. I got back Friday and jumped right into my life and haven't stopped. I am really tired. Jason was questioning my 8:30 bedtime last night. Like, really tired. We bought a house this week, Emory turned 8, and everything else in between. Tomorrow, I will rest. And the kids will probably watch lots of TV and play lots of wii.

1. That is Josie holding Lolly's foot in the picture above. See how she is squeezing her just a tad too hard? Poor Josie. She adjusting to the new person in her life. I took most of the pictures that I tagged on to my FB page. Thank goodness Betsy has a camera since I am camera sad. I think I might order my new one today. I have felt really naked without my camera.

2. I HATE how when I leave my kids they are perfect and when I get home they revert back. I know this is a mom thing but it stinks! Jason said they really didn't whine or fight while I was gone. My mom said the same thing about the beach. I wasn't home an hour before all of those things were back in play. I haven't prayed for patience so I don't know what God is trying to teach me.

4. I did pray something very specific for Betsy's delivery, along with many other women, and He answered our prayers. I had to remind myself that it didn't just happen because her delivery was different this time, or she just pushed differently, it happened because we prayed and God answered our prayers. I think that sometimes when I pray specifically and then he answers, I often give the credit to circumstance and not Him. Not on purpose, I just don't think about it because the situation is resolved. I have to be aware of how God has answered prayers in my life so I can give Him the praise and glory and gratitiude that He deserves.

5. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us... Ephesians 3:20

This was Jay's memory verse for last week. I love the "more than we ask or imagine". So many times I think I know what I need but He has a plan that is even more that I can imagine. I still have overwhelming gratitude for God's timing and this new house. If I had gotten my way, we would have sold our house last year and since we couldn't find what we wanted, I was willing to move to an apartment. Instead, God waited a year, sold it without it being for sale, and allowed us to buy a house that has everything I have ever wanted and more. The sooner I live everyday looking to Him for the plan and not myself the sooner I will have peace.

6. One thing I have learned is being aware (taught to me by a wise city woman). Sometimes I stress over spending individual time with each of my children and make it into a big thing, like a date night. This usually ends in a fight because they see it as what are you going to buy me time. If I am aware then I can steal individual time that just happens and make the most of it. If Jay wants me to watch him play his DS while Emory is at tumbling then that is individual time that I am affirming him (I absolutely hate watching them play video games, except Just Dance, because I like to play that one) or if Packy wants to play trains while the kids are school then I should get down on the floor and play. You might not have to teach yourself this but I am a "non-playing" mom so I have to think about it. That is just one thing along the lines of being aware. I'll tell you some more later.

I think I will end on that note. It is Friday and I am going to see the Justin Beiber movie later this afternoon. I am going to work on my thoughts from New York so maybe I can make that Tuesday's ten. Any questions? Anything?

Ten on Tuesday in NYC

2011-02-22T10:24:00.001-05:00

I am happy to announce that baby Lolly has made her way into the world!

1. I watched this sweet angel enter the world. Although I have had three of my own children, I have never watched someone I know have a baby. Watching my sister have her third baby was an amazing experience. What a miracle the birthing process is! I was reduced to tears as I watched this tiny girl enter the world. It's crazy how one day I am kissing Betsy's belly and the next day kissing an eternal being. I love how creative God was in the creation process. It was so funny to look at her at one minute old and see how much she looks like her sisters. She is a Norwood baby for sure.

2. While I am in NYC helping Betsy, my mom and dad took my kids (and Jay and Emory brought friends) to Tybee. How awesome are my parents? They took 5 kids to the beach for a super long weekend. It is snowing in New York. It is in the 70s in Tybee. As much as I long for warm weather, I would not miss the first week of Lolly's life for anything. The reason I am here, and not my mom, is that she does not really like New York in the winter, so she sent me to help. Getting around in really cold weather with little ones is not easy. I think my Mom is a little jealous that she isn't getting to see Lolly right now. Baby breath is the best and I will stick my nose as close as I can to her sweet little mouth.

3. I am a baby person, that's a given. I love coming to New York, that's a given. But the real reason I wanted to come to New York was to give back. When I went to treatment (two years ago), Betsy came and helped Jason with my family. She also was an amazing support to Jason as he struggled to understand what was happening. How often do you get a chance to help someone who helped you?

4. This is my third trip to New York in 6 months. I am starting to get to know some of Betsy's friends. One of my favorite parts of being here is seeing these amazing women. It helps me understand Betsy's life in the city but also encourages me to hear their wisdom. (Kari Jo and Andrea (with her entire crew) in the same trip....could I ask for anything more?) I have also been to BSF, a small group Bible study, and church while I've been here. Good stuff happening in this city.

5. New York overwhelms me. I can look out Betsy's window and see that in one building live as many people as in my entire neighborhood. Not just my street in Macon, but my entire extended neighborhood. Then I look at how many buildings there are just in my immediate view. So many people. So many families. Living the urban life that I know nothing about. Well, I know a little after this experience. I know that God calls people to live in different places and He has not called me to live here.

6. In Macon people have jobs. In New York people have interesting jobs. I love walking around and seeing all of the nannies, doormen, and security guards for killer shoe stores. And let me assure you that there are tons of killer shoe stores. After a week of being in New York I start to think that $200 shoes are a good deal. Then I remember that in my life $20 shoes are a good deal. (That was quite a tangent.) I'll try to think of more interesting jobs later.

7. Josie (2) is having a hard time adjusting to the new person in her family. She is the cutest thing ever. Like a real life cabbage patch kid. With the temper of a UFC champion. This new baby is really cutting into Josie's time with her mom and she does not like it. She also does not like me if her mom is around. If she does not like you, you know it. She holds nothing back. I try to appreciate her ability to not stuff her feelings. She expresses EXACTLY how she feels. (Good luck Betsy!)

8. It's been a while since I did my post. My last post prompted a call from my dad. My dad doesn't usually call me unless he has a reason, so when I got a call and a lunch invite I thought something was up. He said he read my post and thought I might be having a hard time. Such a sweet Daddy! The thing is that I can have a bad spell these days and it's OK. I don't have to live in it. I can get out of the dark place and not take comfort in the familiar feelings that I was used to for so many years. I am thankful for good friends that can tell when I'm "off". I am so thankful that the Lord pulled me out of the pit and that even if I take a pit stop I can call on my heavenly Father and keep my eyes on Him.

9. I am really struggling in my new camera decision. My options are Nikon d700, Nikon d7000, or a Canon 5d Mark ii. If you have an opinion on this please let me know. I have read online reviews until I am cross-eyed and I can't decide.

10. Gretchen Mol had her baby next to Betsy. That wouldn't happen in Macon.