Ten on Tuesday...in Tybee

It can't be Tuesday.  Really?  Are you sure?
1.  The kayaking trip was awesome.  My dad decided to sell his sea doo so we can buy some kayaks.  We went over to Little Tybee and explored this uninhabited island.  It was awesome.  Fiddler crabs everywhere.  Our next plan is to take the kids and camp over there.  It's a little hot now but early fall will be perfect. (Thanks Mom for the push to do something new.)
2.  The waves at Tybee have been insane.  Bigger than I have seen them here.  I love riding waves.  Really love it.  The thrill of catching a big wave and dropping as it crashes is awesome.  Growing up I went to St. Augustine and I rode waves with my cousin all day.  Riding waves now reminds me of being a kid. 
3.  I finished a book and cried in front of my kids.  My daughter understands this kind of crying because she recently watched a movie and cried.  The younger kids stared at me.  Sometimes I get too in to books.  Actually a lot of times.  I have to be careful.  I get sucked in and it takes over.  (Sort of like the music.)  Not confusing my emotions with the emotions of the book is something I have to guard against.  There have been times when I could not get out of bed because of a book.  So this book was emotional but I was able to separate my reality and the book.
4.  The men were here for a long weekend.  It's always more fun when they are here.  Kids are different when their dads are around.  It breaks my heart for kids who don't have a dad around for whatever reason. 
5.  We had Betsy's game night last week.  The Game of Things and Scattagories for the adults (both games have enough laughter and intensity to be fun) and Jenga and UNO for the kids.  We also had a Hide and Seek game with kids and adults.  Some adults.  The cool adults who like to play.  I really got in to the hiding.  Scrunching myself in to a tiny shelf in my mom's closet and risking roaches in the utility closet.  I would say that I won.
6.  It is really hot.  117 degree heat index today.  Hot.
7.  One good thing about Tybee is the back river.  When the beach is really crowded we go to the back river.  It is sort of like going to a lake that happens to have a strong current.  Jay likes to take a net and catch things to put in his fishing bucket.  Last week he caught a baby puffer fish.  It was so cool. (Jay did a school project on puffer fish a couple of years ago and we have had one hanging in our kitchen ever since.)
8.  My dad is really good at finding sharks teeth.  He has a bowl with hundreds of them that he has collected over the years.  I can find them too.  I found 2 on Sunday.  (Jason found one too.  He is so good at random stuff.  Remember?)  I think it makes my dad proud that I am good at finding them too.  People say that not only do I look like my dad but that my personality is like his as well. In some ways. 

9.  My favorite kind of ice cream is chocolate and peanut butter.  My brother in law loves to eat. He hates germs. In order to save my ice cream...

It worked.

10.  My very first best friend was Hope.  The other day we watched some of the home movies that we had converted from film to VHS and there was Hope.  We were little kids playing in the snow and sticking our tongues out at the camera.  The fun part was showing that to Emory because her best friend is Hope's daughter, Lola Grace.  Hope's mom has a house at Tybee and that's why my mom is here.  Three generations of best friends.  Spending summers at the beach.  Does it get any better?

Ten on Tuesday... in Tybee

1. Emory has gone from not riding a bike at all to riding all over Tybee.  You can get anywhere on Tybee by bike so it is very helpful to upgrade her from a scooter or being pulled to being a full rider.  When we go to the beach we put chairs on our backs and babies in bike carriers and then pile all of the beach stuff on top of the babies.  It makes it so much easier to not have to park a car and it's not that far.  Emory is now riding to the beach or grocery store or wherever I go. 
2.  Jason and I went white water rafting last weekend with the alumni group from my treatment center.  It is such a fun group.  The water was freezing and our guide had fun guessing how we all knew each other (35 people). (Before we told him he had offered us weed, Crown Royal, "happy pills" and moonshine.  "No thanks.  We've all had enough.") We had good food, a nice hot tub, an awesome cabin, and some insane Tennessee fireworks.  The stories you hear around the fire with this group are always entertaining.
3.  This is Packy and my song:

I have a special Packy.

I keep him in my pocket.

And when I want to kiss him.

I take him out and kiss him. (or eat him, or moody him, or whatever I want to him)

4.  I love making drip castles. 
5.  We have an outside shower at Tybee. I love being outside and showering. 
6.  On Friday we are kayaking to little Tybee.  It's a half day trip.  No kids.   
7.  I love back to school shopping.  New uniforms, new backpacks, new tennis shoes. 
8.  It's a lot harder to make a list of 10 things every week then you might think. 
9.  Emory and Jay just got their class assignments.  Emory was separated from her two best friends.  She likes all of the girls in her new class and knows she will see her old friends on the playground.  I hate when they take stuff better than I do.  I know God has a plan and His will is better and bigger than mine but I was upset over the class list?   I am excited about this new year and can't wait for Em to get to know some more girls.
10.  Things that make me laugh on YouTube:  double rainbow guy, flip flop guy, and the donkey parasailing in Russia.

I feel music.

"Look man, you can listen to Jimi but you can't hear him. There's a difference man. Just because you're listening to him doesn't mean you're hearing him."  Sidney Deane, White Men can't Jump


I like music.  I appreciate music.  But most of all I feel music.  You either do or you don't.  I think lots of people like music and consider themselves a "music lover" and I think they do, but I don't think everyone feels music.  Deep down in your body.  Speaks to your soul.  Connects you in way that your body can't deny.  My life has centered around music since I can remember. Every kind... from bluegrass to show tunes to hymns to rock to pop.  All of it.  Concerts have always been very important to me too.  Not because I want to be seen at a concert or look at it as an event but because live music is heaven.  Some people feel music but their spouse doesn't.  I would not have married someone who didn't feel the same way about music as I do.  It's that important.  I think this is something you are born with.  Liking and appreciating music can be learned but feeling music can not.  When I got sober I was scared that I wasn't going to get to feel music like I used to. Really scared. This was such a big part of my life and I didn't want to lose it. The reality is I don't feel music like I use to.  Not like I use to because I wasn't sober before at any concert that I can remember.  And there are a lot I don't remember.  But, I do still feel it.  I still want to dance and it still moves me. Being this connected can be good and bad.  There are plenty of songs that remind me of the "dark time" in my life.  I can't listen to them.  One time a song came on the radio and I felt like the air was sucked out of my lungs.  I had to turn it.  So while I still get to enjoy music I also have to guard myself because it is so personal. I love that God gave us music.  He didn't have to.  He didn't have to give us the details that make life special but He did.  He loves to see His children enjoying His creation.  He even made music one of the main ways we can worship Him.  He likes music that much.  Awesome.

I will sing and make music to the Lord.  Psalm 27:6

Ten on Tuesday...in Tybee

1.  We just rolled in to Tybee for the month.  All of the girls and all of the kids.  Everyone survived the trip down. 
2.  A DVD player is a must for me for this trip.  I don't have a car with a built in DVD but for my own sanity I travel with one.  Jay and Emory watched Robots and Bolt.  Packy watched about half of Finding Nemo.
3.  I listened to Jack Johnson and Coldplay.  These are relaxing CDs for me as I drive with 3 kids.  Plus, Chris Martin sings to me.
4.  Right now Betsy is asking all of the kids what they want to do this summer and writing it down on a master sheet. So far we have ride bikes, learn to swim, whipped cream fight, make a picture frame, water balloon fight, finish a quilt....  She always has high expectations for summer vacation.  Lots of learning. (See #6.  I feel the same way Betsy does right now around Memorial Day.)
5.  One of my secrets is that someone is pregnant and it's not me.  Yea!
6.  The summer is half way over and I am right where I usually am.  The "plans" I made have been thrown out the window.  I am back to waking up and figuring out what the day is going to bring.  This is not how I like to operate. I like a plan.  It makes me feel in control.  Of course I am not in control of anything.  I do not have the whole wide world in my hands, someone else does. 
7.  It's hard to write this when I am trying to watch the series finale of The Hills.  Stephanie Pratt just had the most ridiculous conversation about not drinking after she ordered a Pepsi at a bar.  So dumb.  I guess the writer couldn't find a more natural way to discuss addiction.  Lame. This is getting more painful by the second. ("I think I'm going to get out of here and move to Europe."  "Europe?  Do you know anybody out there?"  Out there?  These people are so dumb.)
8.  I do not try to hide my bad TV watching.  The Real Housewives of "Anywhere"?  I'll watch it.  Not in one sitting but Bravo gives me so many chances to watch.  I really can't wait for the new season of Rachel Zoe.  I die.
9.   The other night we were hanging out with my my family on my Mom's patio.  Jay was sitting with the adults talking.  I saw a glimpse of him just being him.  Relaxed and not "on".  Not trying to impress or make anyone laugh.  Just being Jay.  When Jason and I were talking about it later that night it made me cry.  It is so rare to see him comfortable being himself.  
10.  This same patio night my family started a conversation about what blood type everyone was.  This progressed to who can roll their tongue and who can flip their tongue over.  And from there we started with the weirdness.  Mainly Jason and Lee.  Jason has these "wings" that he pops out of his back and he can clap with one hand (Jay can do the one handed clap).  Lee can pick his nose with his tongue.  Really.  And with that I have nothing more to say.
OK- so the last 5 seconds of The Hills was the best. 

Some days....

Some days are just hard.  I laughed at someone the other day who thought my life was so "together" based on my Facebook page.  Obviously he doesn't read my blog.  It's easy to look at the pictures and statuses on Facebook and assume you know what some one's life looks like.  You fill in the gaps from one group of pictures to the next with visions of perfect moms with perfect kids and perfect families with clean houses.  At least I do.  I don't usually do this with my close friends because I know what their real life looks like.  Anyway, today was a hard day.  I took on too much but didn't know it was too much until it was too late.  Lots of kids, the house was a wreck, I have vacation anxiety, and before I knew it I was crying in the bathroom.  This has not happened in a really long time.  A week of being sick, not exercising, and just being "off" all contributed to the final melt down.  I hate to lose control and I did.  So now what?  Well this is what I did.  First I prayed. I told Jason I was struggling and talked it out.  I asked for help.  I rested. I spent time with a friend. I played.  I floated in water which is always comforting to me.  I ate.  I am writing and then I am going to bed.  Early.  So today was a hard day but today is almost over.  Tomorrow will not be defined by today.  If God grants me another day on this Earth then I will wake up and try again to honor Him in all that I do.  And taking care of myself is honoring Him.

Ten on Tuesday

I have signed on to this countless times over the last few days but nothing came out. So, only because it's Tuesday and my sister has already emailed me, I am forcing it out.

1. I hate being sick. Packy and I were sick all weekend. Thankfully it was a holiday so Jason was home. Sadly, it was a holiday. Jason took the kids to church, swimming, to the fireworks, and to a family cook out while I stayed with Packy. When I don't feel well, I want to live in my bed. Lucky for me Packy wants the same thing, so we spent hours watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey and slept.

2. We had a big week before the sick. Packy learned how to swim. Emory learned how to ride a bike. Packy was self motivated. Emory was Webkinz motivated.

3. I am anxiously baking. I have a lot coming up and baking somehow helps. At least eating the dough helps.

4. Yesterday a friend of mine lost her child. I know this sweet girl is finally free of the broken body that she lived in for 10 years and is with her Heavenly Father singing praises. At the same time it is the loss of a child. This is when faith really comes in to play. Do I really believe what I say I believe? This family is clinging to God's promises. They have amazing faith. You can read their story here.

5. I am not good at talking on the phone. I am better in person or writing you a letter. Let's get together and talk.

6. I think it's funny that when Jason starts throwing the kids at the pool, other kids, that we don't know, ask him to throw them. He says, in a very nice voice, "I don't know your mom and I don't think she would like it if I threw you".

7. I had to learn another hard lesson with Jay. After he got the third out during a scrimmage game some kid asked him, "Why did your mom even have you?" He had not been hitting good at camp. I didn't know this and made him hit at the end of the last day during a "home run derby". Of course I was the only mom out there and didn't know he didn't want to hit because this kid would make fun of him again. Ugh. Thank goodness it was the last day because I would have hated to go all redneck on some kid I didn't know. I cried. I felt pain for Jay. I felt pain for me not being able to remove Jay's pain. I felt pain for subjecting Jay to embarrassment of his mother. I didn't want to feel the pain. Old habits die hard but I learned to walk through the pain. A wise friend reminded me that God could be using this situation to prepare Jay for a future event. If I don't let him learn how to deal with pain in a small way then how can he handle major pain? Having kids is hard.

8. I have a secret. I'll tell you later. Actually, I have a couple.

9. Writing helps me sort the crazy out of my brain. It's still there but usually if I write it out I can put away the senseless and deal with any real issues. This will not make sense to you if you aren't crazy, or you don't write.

10. I have grocery store feet. All summer long. Too bad.